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Talk Takeaway: Relationships with Dr. Wendy Walsh

Posted on Aug 5, 2013 10:45am

Relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh is appears on the show as part of our "Talk Takeaway" relationship series.  She shares six great tips that will help single women spot a cheater before they even get involved with them.  Dr. Wendy is known as America's relationship expert and is a regular contributor on CNN.  She is also the host of "Happily Never After" on the Investigation Discovery channel, and a former panelist on "The Doctors."

 

1. FOCUS ON A MAN'S TRUE INTENTIONS

A cheater is terrified of emotional intimacy.  This is the most common sign of a player.  They are good at getting close, but not too close.  In many ways, this is what defines the classic "bad boy."  They extract sex from you and move away suddenly.  When on a date with them, they'll say what you want to hear and sweep you off your feet to make you feel unbelievably good and very excited.  But it's too much too soon, and before you know it, there will be someone else that he's sweeping off their feet.  They just want sex, but none of the intimacy that should come with it.    

 

2. BE AWARE OF A DATE'S SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

A study revealed that the empathy of men is low compared to that of women. This could affect their ability to empathize with their partner's feelings of betrayal, making him more likely to have affairs with another woman. This study also showed that this difference is particularly stark in the 40-50-year-old age group, which is particularly vulnerable to the mid-life crisis affair.  If you go out on date with a guy who does terrible things that show a lack of empathy, these are major red flags.  Is he rude to a waiter?  Or is he inconsiderate at a show?  Does he make fun of strangers?  Any of these signs, especially on a first date,

 

3. SEEK SOMEONE WITH STRONG MORAL VALUES.

A cheater rarely observes morals. One value that we're always taught is to ‘do unto others as you would do unto yourself.'  All major spiritual morals encourage this sort of compassion and understanding.  But a cheater does not feel any consideration for the people they are cheating on.  If they are not exposed to any of these morals or teachings, he may not respect you.  Thus, he goes on and cheats because he has no moral values.

 

4. EDUCATION LEVEL CAN BE AN INDICATOR IF HE'LL CHEAT.

Take his education level into consideration.  A cheater typically has less education – There's this idea that college dorms are hotbeds of sexual activity, but 25% of college students are actually still virgins.  And studies have proven that people with higher IQs, are far more likely to be monogamous and committed in their relationships.  In many cases, monogamy requires an intellectual decision – the brain has to battle temptations.  Smarter people are more capable of weighing the decision before acting.  People with lower IQs are more likely to succumb to animal instincts and act without thinking.

 

5. AVOID MEN WITH SEXUAL ANXIETY ISSUES.  

A cheater has sexual anxiety.  If a guy has sexual anxiety or performance issues, then there is a better chance he'll wander out.  Often, when men sense a lack of satisfaction from their partner, they will assume the fault doesn't lie with them, but with the partner.  They will seek out others to take to bed and try to prove to themselves that they're sexual dynamos.  It's an internalized whore-madonna syndrome.  He thinks he better get a whore because he's fine.  Some men are less embarrassed sexually when there is a lack of an emotional connection too.  But research has shown that men who are sexually confident are actually less likely to cheat.  When they feel self-assured about their performance in the bedroom, men are comfortable getting their pipes cleaned regularly by a girlfriend and no one else.  

 

6. OBSERVER YOUR POTENTIAL PARTNER'S INCOME.  

A cheater may either make way less or way more money than you.  Women are becoming a dominant force in the professional world these days.  There's a huge rise of them in the work force, earning money and building leading careers right now.  For some men, it's troubling to have a partner that earns more money than them.  These men become more likely to cheat as a way to show off sexual prowess and build up their ego.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, wealthy men can be prone to cheat as well over insecurity issues.  The personalities of these types are often driven and ambitious, and they require a continual proof of their power.  

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