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Redo U: Sex - Dr. Laura Berman

Posted on Jan 16, 2012 10:45am

"Six Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life"

Did you know that 43% of American women between the ages of 18 and 59 have some sexual kind of complaint?  For women over the age of 59, that percentage increases.  Sex and relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman joined THE TALK to take part in our "Redo U" series and help us figure out what's holding us back from sexual happiness.  She reminded our viewers that sexual health is a part of overall health and wellness, and it's the glue that keeps our relationship together.  Below are her recommendations for easy ways to spice up your sex life!  

1.) Update your birth control
When is the last time you considered your birth control method? Many women use the pill, wrongly believing that it is their best option, yet the truth is that hormonal birth control can negatively impact libido (not to mention side effects like weight gain, headaches, etc.)   The good news is that birth control has vastly improved in recent years, and the pill is no longer our best option.   
Condoms have become thinner and afford more sensation and pleasure, and the IUD has become an amazing option. This isn't your Mom's IUD-in fact, it is now known as the IUC, and it no longer comes with those scary risks from the 1970s. And it comes with two options-hormonal and non-hormonal, so you can choose which method is right for you.  Best of all, it is safe, reliable, comfortable, and lasts for years. And, once removed, your fertility immediately returns to normal. No wonder so many ob/gyns choose it as their own method of birth control!

2.) Go on an adventure date
Tired of the usual dinner and a movie routine? When your date night is stuck in a rut, it is not uncommon to feel bored and uninspired later on in the bedroom. You can add some adventure and excitement into your relationship by changing your date night routine.
Instead of doing the 'usual,' switch it up by trying something a little wild, like bungee jumping, rock climbing, or even sky diving. The adrenaline and dopamine released during these daring activities will mimic the feelings you and your partner had when you were first dating. And, best of all, getting out of a rut outside the bedroom might inspire you to get out of a rut inside the bedroom too!

3.) Kiss ten seconds a day
Cuddling, kissing, and touching often fall by the wayside in long-term relationships. Get more affection back in your relationship by making a resolution to kiss your partner each and every day.  Try counting to ten while you kiss in order to ensure it is a deep kiss and not just a peck.
It might sound strange to count to ten while you are kissing your partner, but it's just a guideline to help you get back in the habit again. After a while, you will find that you no longer need to count and kissing will become second nature again. And, make sure to incorporate cuddling into your everyday life as well, whether it's snuggling on the couch together or putting your arm around your partner at the movie theater.

4.) Encourage "choreplay" and just do it!  
Ever heard of choreplay? It's when a man arouses his mate by doing a little housework. Sounds silly, but when a woman has to work, take care of the kids, and keep the house running like a smooth machine, she has no time to relax and breathe...which means she has no time to get in the mood and reconnect to her inner vixen.
Hence, men, if you want more sex, take the initiative and remove one thing from her plate, whether it is putting the kids to bed or emptying the dishwasher. And, women, maybe when he takes one item off your plate, you can remove one item of clothing! Relationships are give and take, and men need sex to feel connected and close to their mates-just like women need affection, intimacy, and tenderness in order to be in the mood for sex.
So, make a commitment to keeping both sex and intimacy alive so you each get what you need. Even if you aren't in the mood to have sex right away, follow a 'just do it' mentality. You will often find that once you stay open to the idea and in the moment, your body will respond will desire and passion.

5.) Address sexual health complaints
Sometimes couples brush their sexual health concerns under the rug instead of addressing them. Often they do so because they are embarrassed to talk to their doctor or because they wrongly think that vaginal dryness, erectile issues, and the like are simply "part of life."
While sexual health concerns are not uncommon, the good news is that there are many treatments available. Don't be embarrassed to make your sexual health a priority and, remember, your sexuality is a big part of who you are and it shouldn't go neglected.

6.) ­Explore sex toys
Sex toys have gone from "OMG" to SOP (standard operating procedure.) People now know that toys are nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, they are a completely healthy and normal way to explore your sexuality and double your pleasure with your partner.   From vibrators to G-spot stimulators to condoms with vibrating rings, there is no end of sex aids out there that can help to spice up your sexual connection.   Best of all, you can shop for these items online so you no longer have to embarrassed about entering a sex toy store!
Sex toys come in a wide range of items - everything for the beginner up to the advanced.  For example, items as simple as a nighttime eye mask and a feather tickler or duster can be used to amp up the senses and get the foreplay going in the bedroom.
I'm also a big fan of remote-controlled vibrating underwear.  They look just like a sexy thong.  And the remote works from 12 to 14 feet away!  What better way to spice up your typical weekend get-together than to wear the panties and give your husband the remote control so he can "activate" them at any time!  It's fun and you feel so adventurous!  

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