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TALK BLOG

Redo U: Relationships with Dr. Michelle

Posted on Feb 9, 2012 10:45am

­All this week, o­ur "Redo U" has been showing you how to take control by making positive changes in your life. Today psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. Michelle ­shares five simple steps on how to change your relationships and make it better.


1. Be emotionally intelligent.
You need to think about the needs, wants and wishes of the people around you to inform how you interact with them. If you are having problems with someone you need to step back and see what the other person's perspective is. To work on relationships you must be strategic with them. You have to meet them where the­y are and how they communicate. The people who get ahead in life understand every relationship is unique and take the time to understand the other person involved in the interaction.  You need to think about how your goal is tied into their goal. For example if you want your kids to go on an outing and they don't want to go, think about why that is and what their needs are. Maybe invite a friend, etc. Then you get what you want and they get what they need as well.

2. Take care of yourself first.
We've all heard it, now live it. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This is a fundamental truth. There are costs associated with not being completely healthy and there are repercussions if you are not well. Maybe that comes out in aggravation towards your children, being short tempered with your spouse or being impatient at work. You need to take the time to stop and make sure you are okay.

3. Create uninterrupted quality time.
All relationships are work and to make them work, you have to work on them. If you do not grow your relationships they won't develop. You need to schedule a date night with your partner, have lunch with a work colleague, set aside a family dinner or a girlfriends' night out. For relationships to flourish you have to put in the time.

4. Don't rely on technology.
Technology is a great way to stay c­onnected but it should not be the only way we connect to the people in our lives. Some people think they are doing enough to maintain their relationships by emailing or facebooking which is so not true. Face and phone time is valuable. We are social creatures and we need more than reading to connect with people. Relationships cannot be managed via a keyboard.  You cannot get people's true meaning or feelings unless you hear a voice or see someone's expression. You open yourself to a lot of miscommunication by completely relying on technology to maintain relationships.

5. Be in the moment.
­­When you are spending that face time with your coworker, friends, spouse or kids you need to focus on the moment you are in. Your emails, texts and other calls can wait; what is important is sitting right in front of you. When you interrupt your face time with someone with a constant look at your smart phone you are saying to the person in front of you that they are not important. It is rude and ultimately damages your relationships with people.

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