When Agent Borin told DiNozzo the first three rules of hostage negotiations, he noticed they were directly parallel to his approach to dating: "Keep them stalled, keep them calm, and keep them talking."
You need to keep your flirt game strong while in a long-distance relationship
While DiNozzo might not be the right fit for a long-distance relationship, that's where McGee found himself for most of Season 12. Before Delilah came back, McGee hadn't seen her for six months.
DiNozzo and Bishop suggested that McGee's work-flirting with Agent Larsen would keep his "tools sharp," so to speak. For when Delilah returned, of course.
Don't let your dad cook dinner for your girlfriend
DiNozzo had to learn this one the hard way. Sr. took it upon himself to cook a nice meal for his introductory meeting with Jr.'s girlfriend (Zoe Keates). Long story short, he almost burned down Jr.'s kitchen. The moral of the story? Make the dinner reservations yourself and don't take any chances.
Background check your dates
When Ranger Burt and Abby started dating, DiNozzo and Bishop wanted to make sure Abby knew what she was getting into. They prepared a presentation explaining his Peace Corps past and a prior arrest—for protesting a zoo that was abusing their animals. A+ work, team.
Dating is supposed to be fun
Like DiNozzo, don't be afraid to goof off with your significant other. It keeps things interesting.
The gun range is a good date idea
DiNozzo was excited to take a date out to the gun range while on winter holiday leave, but the team was called in to work a case. Remember, it's not about the caliber of your weapon, but your ability to hit the target.
Don't video chat while nude
When DiNozzo answered McGee's video chat from Delilah he got a lot more than he was expecting. He learned a lesson that day he will never forget. Always use protection—password protection.
A first fight can be a good thing
When Zoe and DiNozzo were arguing over the right moves to make on a case they were both working on, DiNozzo realized that it was their first official fight and took time to appreciate the moment. We can all learn something from DiNozzo about appreciating life's journey.
Don't phone it in on Halloween
As DiNozzo put it, "Halloween used to be a single guy's paradise, now it's been twisted and co-opted into some couples thing." So when you're single, make sure to enjoy Halloween while you can, hopefully with other single people.
Have good pickup lines ready at all times
What's Tony spelled backwards? "Y not?"
Interagency gossip is real
Be careful who you date when you work near the Beltway. You never know who goes to the same cycling class. That's how CGIS Agent Borin got the 411 on DiNozzo and Agent Pendergast's short-lived fling.
Keep your relationship a secret for as long as you can
DiNozzo initially tried to hide his relationship with Zoe Keates from the rest of NCIS to avoid becoming the latest office gossip. And it was working—until everyone found out and he had to buy them all drinks to celebrate the relationship going public. It worked out in the end, but make sure to savor your next secret relationship time while it lasts.
Women don't actually like to be chased
When McGee told DiNozzo that Delilah hadn't responded to his 12 texts and six phone calls, DiNozzo replied: "Women want the illusion of being chased, not to actually be chased."
Props are good, but be safe
While they were still secretly dating, Zoe Keates showed up at NCIS to give DiNozzo his handcuffs back. We won't talk about what they were doing with the restraints, but it's a good thing she was able to find the key.
Communication is everything
Make sure your walkie-talkie line isn't open when you're talking about your relationship problems. Sometimes your girlfriend is on the other end.
Office romances can be tough
DiNozzo has quite a bit of experience with office romance. When it works it's great, when it doesn't work—it can be heart-breaking.