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Wednesday, August 09, 1995

Top Ten Things Revealed in Newt Gingrich Expose
  
Though his name is Newt, he's actually half salamander
Can eat a mound of peanuts as big as his head
Will make love to wife only after she says "I yield to the congressman from Georgia"
Once had an actual Newt lodged in his Gingrich
Does a lot of "pounding the gavel," if you know what I mean
For two years, hosted Donahue show
Dresses like Unabomber, sneaks up on congressional aides and pops paper bags
His mom now has Connie Chung doing yardwork
Recently lost "world's goofiest name" title to Dick Assman
Four Words: Newtie and the Blowfish
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