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Thursday, May 08, 1997

Top Ten Signs Your Mother is Nuts
  
What she calls a "Tupperware Party," the FBI calls a "Three-Week Standoff"
She tried to rob a convenience store with her Martha Stewart glue gun
Instead of "Mom," she makes you call her "Xena, Warrior Princess"
You and your eight siblings are all named Carl
It took her four years before she divorced Donald Trump
She insists on eating Mother's Day dinner under the porch
Every morning, says, "Wake up, or you'll be late for Comet Hale-Bopp!"
Whenever you lose a sock, it turns up in that night's meat loaf
Believes Eddie Murphy really was just giving that hooker a ride
Your name is Michael Jackson, Jr.
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