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Monday, October 27, 1997

Top Ten Ways Hillary Clinton Celebrated Her 50th Birthday
  
Drank too much beer, passed out on bathroom floor at Fuddruckers.
A lively game of "Dodge-the-Subpoena."
Blew out candles, then hid them and denied they ever existed.
Enjoyed Mark Russell's hilarious new song: "Happy Whitewater to You."
Watched with mixture of horror and nausea as Janet Reno popped out of cake.
Wrote thank-you note to Queen Elizabeth for the $40 gift certificate to the Gap.
Hired clown to twist balloons into shapes of Asian campaign donors.
Held intimate gathering for close friends who aren't in prison yet.
Gave Gore $50 and demanded he show her "The Full Monty."
Jell-O shots with Madeline Albright.
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