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Friday, August 07, 1998

Top Ten Rejected Ways to Die in the New Halloween Movie
  
Old age.
Really, really, really big paper cut.
Pop rocks and soda.
Head explodes while trying to figure out why a movie called "Halloween" is coming out the first week of August -- am I right, people?
Beaten to death with chair by a hillbilly on "Jerry Springer."
Assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.
Crunched between fantastically strong thighs of Ms. Suzanne Somers.
Running with scissors.
Heart attack after being surprised by wife Hillary in oval office.
Laughing to death at joke on The Late Show.
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