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Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Top Ten Ways Pete Rose Can Improve His Image
  
Remind people how much he used to hustle
Change name to "Spongepete Rosepants"
Travel with a monkey -- everyone loves monkeys
Make an appearance on "The Tonight Show"
Say betting-on-baseball was research for a movie role
Write and star in the delightful comedy "My Big Fat Pete Rose Wedding"
Find and kill Osama Bin Laden
Always carry Tums -- periodically offer them to strangers
Teach underprivileged kids how to play the ponies
Hold a press conference declaring he's not gay
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