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Monday, January 08, 2007

Top Ten Things Overheard In New York City Today
 Top Ten   
"Hello, police? The city smells slightly worse than usual"
"We at Con-Ed will repair this problem on the 26th between 1PM and 7PM"
"I'm dizzy, nauseous, my throat is burning-- it's like I ate at Hello Deli"
"My cab driver is disoriented-- he's not driving on the curb"
"Relax-- breathing air is still safer than drinking the water"
"I hope this doesn't affect Tony Danza's performance in 'The Producers' "
"The rats are wearing gas masks"
"Maybe it's the gas, but I find Letterman kind of funny"
"Michael Richards is apologizing"
"All this choking makes me feel like I'm at a Knicks game"
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"Wafting mysterious odor-- Regis must be in the building"

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"To prevent dangerous sparks, we're asking muggers to use knives instead of guns"

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"To be on the safe side, officials want everyone to stop breathing until Thursday"

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"I can't wait 'til Manhattan smells like good old-fashioned urine again"

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"The gas is colorless and makes you feel uncomfortable... Just like Michael Jackson"

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"I feel bad for all the tourists missing out on our usual oppressive stench"

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"I must be high on something because I just bought Knicks tickets"

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