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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Top Ten Signs A Police Officer Is Too Fat
 Top Ten   
Traded his police cruiser for a Good Humor truck
On drug busts he's the battering ram
Uses powdered sugar to dust for prints
Once tasered a guy at McDonald's for skimping on the special sauce
He gets winded during roll call
Known as "New York's Tubbiest"
Decided to join writers' strike just for the free donuts
His "nightstick" is a pepperoni -- come on, that's ridiculous!
Calls for backup to help him get out of his squad car
Looks in the mirror and says, "Ok, break it up"
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He's got a KFC bucket list

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He's so fat he's the good cop and the bad cop

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His motto is "To Protect and To Serve...Lasagna"

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Once said to a burrito, "You have the right to remain delicious"

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Whenever he tells a perp to "Freeze!" gets a craving for "Chunky Monkey"

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Can only chase criminals going downhill

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Blew a stakeout by ordering Chinese food to the undercover van

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Carries a handgun, a taser, and a fondue pot

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Exhausted by physical activity, asks suspects to frisk themselves

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Gets suspects to talk by threatening to sit on them

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Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Lyle the Intern, Dave reviews "The Dark Knight" and much more.
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June 27, 2008
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Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra
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