There's nothing like a gritty gang flick, and that's why Dave enjoyed the Scorsese "Gangs of New York" film released last week. So taken was Dave that he wanted to share a clip with us. We cut to see a dance scene from "West Side Story." It is some pretty brutal stuff.

DR. PHIL'S WORDS OF WISDOM: "Let's see if we can find the biggest butt."
I "Played the Dave," figuring Dave would say, "Hey, Dr. Phil, you're sitting on it!" He didn't. I lost.

The year is coming to a close but that's no reason to stop showing Dave's Osama bin Laden Video Christmas Card. We see Osama and his blind buddy singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." It's soon to become a Hallmark Holiday Special.

Following the Osama Video Christmas Card, Dave calls over our favorite stagehand, Biff Henderson. Biff takes a seat and Dave explains how he, Biff, and Paul spent their Christmas. The three of them flew to Kandahar on Monday to visit our troops in Afghanistan. They each admit it was the best Christmas they ever had. They felt privileged to be among our members of the Air Force, Marines, Army, and Navy. Dave described our men and women over there as being "so good and so smart and so resourceful, they truly are America's best." He was also taken by their great spirit and enthusiasm while being away from home, away from loved ones, family and friends during the holidays. It was inspiring. Dave said the soldiers want to let everyone know how they so appreciate all the cards and letters they receive from Americans stateside. They love the cards and pictures from the elementary school kids and Dave says they have them hanging up everywhere. Dave shows a dozen or so photographs of Biff, Paul, and himself with the soldiers and their surroundings.
Dave then reads a number of Top Tens the soldiers prepared, many Dave could not read on the air.
To conclude, Dave said how he was humbled by the soldiers who continued to thank him, Biff, and Paul for coming to Kandahar, and all Dave could say in return was how he should be thanking them.

It sounded like a great time, a great learning experience, and inspiring. Dave relayed the feeling very well.

Later, Dave said how he overheard one soldier saying when Dave walked past, "Gee, Bob Hope walked by and he looks like crap."

IS THIS ANYTHING?
It's a guy swallowing a lighted sword. When the sword was down the guy's throat, you were able to see parts of his neck glowing. Dave says anything that includes the danger of electrocution, it is something. That probably explains Kiva being so near the Will It Float tank these days.

TOP TEN: Dumb guy ways to spend $315 million.
#9. Purchase classic paintings by Shakespeare.
#6. Upgrade Mount Rushmore so the Presidents blink, move their heads, and sing.

ASHTON KUTCHER: He's from the FOX TV "That 70s Show" and is in the film "Just Married" that opens January 10th. Don't mean to slight Ashton but I'm in a hurry.

ACT 5: Depressed? Blue? Don't worry, because Dr. Becker is in the house, Sunday nights at 8PM on CBS.

JASON KIDD: he's the 5-time NBA all-star and point guard for the New Jersey Nets. Dave runs the gamut of what's happening in the NBA today: the 11-19 Laker woes, the red-hot Indiana Pacers, high-school sensation Lebron James, and 7' 6" Yao Ming. Dave says that Yao Ming has a brother in China who is bigger and better than Yao. Jason jumps in and starts to give an opinion on that. Dave stops Jason, asking him to please wait for the joke. Jason didn't see Dave's look-away pass at a joke. Dave says Yao's bigger and better brother is named ‘Wyo.' The mind quickly puts it together to get Wyoming.

Sure, the Lakers swept the Nets last year in the NBA finals, but look how much the Nets took out of the Lakers in the process!

And that was our show for Thursday, December 26, 2002. Wahoo EXTRA!

So how cool was that of Dave, Paul, and Biff going to Kandahar? I found out on my way to my sister-in-law's house on the car radio Christmas afternoon. I was battling the wind, ice, and the snow of the holiday blizzard, slipping and sliding all the way. On the radio I hear that Dave is in Kandahar visiting our troops. Though I had no inkling he was there, I was not surprised. My first reaction was, "Good for Dave. What a class act!" Two seconds later my reaction was, "Hey, maybe he won't be able to get back to New York and I won't have to go in tomorrow!" Yes, it was very selfish and shallow on my part, but that sort of defines me.

I spent Christmas day at my sister-in-law's house and got snowed in. I had to shovel twice during the night while it continued to snow. Thankfully, the snowplows were hard at work. I'm guessing here because I didn't see one all night. With the snow falling throughout the night and the road covered by a foot of the white powder, the family decided to bunker down and stay the night. I shoveled again Thursday morning while the girls slept. Not wanting to rush or wake the twins, Denise said I should go and her sister would drive them home later. It was getting late so I took her up on the offer. I drove home (15 miles) and didn't realize till I got there that I had to shovel myself in. Taking care of that, then showering and changing, made me even more late. I made it to work a couple hours late and raced around all day to catch up. And now I'm rushing through this so I still haven't caught up. I got to work and NYC looked like it had a flurry. No one else seemed to have much of a problem getting to work. I felt weird. Dave made it on time and he was in Kandahar 24 hours earlier. I was 35 miles away at my sister-in-law's house and I'm two hours late.

Listening to sports radio has been real interesting here in New York the last two weeks. Here's your typical call:

"Hello, first time, long time" (this means, "first time caller, long time listener" - also heard is "First and long" and "First time, all the time.")
"What has to happen this weekend for the Giants to make the playoffs?"
"Uh huh, and what if the Giants lose, can they still make the playoffs?"
Next caller:
"Yeah, hello, what do the Jets have to do for them to make the playoffs? I heard they can make the playoffs even if they lose?"

Don't go away; here comes an abbreviated Friday night recap. Friday, December 27, 2002
Show #1928

CBS Mailbag; Isabella Rossellini; and Mort Sahl.
PLUS: Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom; " Dave and Paul discuss Mott the Hoople's "All The Young Dudes"; Will It Float; a top ten list; the Cape Thing; and a look at a very amusing video Christmas card Dave received the other day.

What makes the song "All The Young Dudes" so appealing? Dave and Paul discuss.

CBS MAILBAG
LETTER #1: From Peggy Parker of Mishawaka, Indiana: "Dear Dave, Where will you live when you retire?"
LETTER #2: From Paul Beckman of Pearland, Texas: "Dear Dave, My wife and step-daughter recently came to America from Lithuania. What should I do to help them adjust to life here?"
LETTER #3: From Jackie Salvaggio of Lenox, Massachusetts: "Dear Dave, Where does Anton buy all his hip berets?"
LETTER #4: From Roland Lee and Winston Hills of Sydney, Australia: "Dear Dave, Are you going to this year's New Year's Eve in Times Square?"

The Will It Float item? An 8-pound bowling ball. Discuss.

TOP TEN: Ways To Make Your New Year's Eve Party More Exciting.

Who's on Cape?

And that will be our Show for Friday night.

NEXT WEEK'S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS:
MONDAY, THE 30TH: from 11/20/02; Show #1909: Adam Sandler; The Pussycat Dolls
TUESDAY, THE 31ST: from 11/11/02; Show #1902: Robin Williams; Emily Procter
WEDNESDAY, THE 1ST: from 12/11/02; Show #1919: Nia Vardalos; Barry Sonnenfeld.
THURSDAY, THE 2ND: from 11/25/02; Show #1912: Stupid Pet Tricks; Lisa Kudrow; Audioslave
FRIDAY, THE 3RD: from 11/01/02; Show #1897; Don Rickles; Jim Gaffigan.

Check the Wahoo Archives and make plans accordingly.

Good night everybody! Have a safe and happy New Year, and be thankful we all survived the Y2K!