After Dave's last joke, George and Lou, The Weber Twins, stand silently beside Dave. They then leave as quietly as they arrived.

Before kicking off the show, Dave enjoys a beverage. Opines Dave, "There's not a man, woman, or child who doesn't enjoy a lovely beverage."

Carey Hart facts:
-he's a freestyle motocross champion
-he's the 2002 X-Games big air motocross silver medalist
-Carey is the first person ever to successfully land a backflip on a motorcycle
-He has broken over twenty bones in his body

Dave is still all hyped up over the found footage from Casablanca. The footage puts a whole different feel to the film. We see a clip from Casablanca, along with the missing footage. We see Humphrey Bogart and the Louie the Police Chief dining. The Chief motions off camera. Humphrey looks. Cut to a food fight between heavy-set individuals. Back to the Louis the Police Chief, who says, "You know how that impresses Germans."

CBS MAILBAG - assisting tonight is Stephanie. Tonight she is dressed as Little Bo Peep. Ms. Peep is with a sheep named Lilly.

LETTER #1: From Jared Weisfeld of Melville, New York
"Dear Dave, Have you ever considered traveling to space?"
Dave is always interested in the outer space, and reminds us that in a few weeks, Mars will be closer to earth than it's been in 66,000 years. Dave sent stagehand Pat Farmer up to the roof in an attempt to locate the Red Planet.
We cut to find Pat on the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater building. The large red orb called Mars is practically crushing him. Pat calls out, "Ow, get it off me, get it off me! It's burning me! Someone get it off me!"
Would Mars burn someone?
I especially enjoyed the sheep "baaaaaaahing" during the Letter.

LETTER #2: From Quentin Decker of Visalia, California
"Dear Dave, What would you be doing if you weren't in show business?"
Dave thinks it over: "Hmmm, that's an interesting question. I think I would've been an oceanographer. A life studying how earth systems interact would have been a rich one indeed. Imagine using coral fossils to track climate change over the last millennium, for instance. I can only wonder what my life would haven been like. . ." The camera goes fuzzy as if it's memory scene. Dave stops and draws attention to the problem. "Hey, hold on a minute. I don't have a memory in this letter. What's going on?"
We see camera man Dave Dorsett sheepishly answer, "Sorry about that, Dave. All that bull'djoy' was so boring I dozed off for a second." Before going to Letter #3, we see Lilly showing a side of her none of us wanted to see. Dave asks Monty Bo Peep to turn Lilly approximately 180 degrees.

LETTER #3: From J.M of Kentucky
"Do you own stock in TIVO?"
Dave says he does not own stock in TIVO but he does admit it's a great invention. Dave saw something last night right here on CBS. "Tonight on 'C.S.I.', Catherine is forced to reopen an old case when new DNA evidence is found. Will she be able to solve the mystery? Yes. I saw the episode when it originally aired last November. CBS - we're not even trying."

LETTER #4:
"Dear Dave, Won't you please run for Governor of California?"
Unlike some celebrities, I know my limitations. This story about Arnold Schwarzenegger running for Governor is just insane. But he's here tonight to discuss his candidacy. Please welcome, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
ARNOLD: Check out these guns! Gray Davis, your ass is mine, bitch. You're my bitch! (Arnold flexes his biceps)
DAVE: Now, Arnold, most people think your candidacy is a joke. Do you honestly think you can win?
ARNOLD: Dave, it reminds me of one of my movies in which I played a guy everyone counted out. But he worked and worked and one day Rocky Balboa became the heavyweight champion of the world.
DAVE: You weren't Rocky. That was Sylvester Stallone.
ARNOLD: Is that right? I'll be damned.
DAVE: So, what is your plan to solve California's budget crisis?
ARNOLD: Hasta la vista, baby!
DAVE: Uh, that's not really a proposal. California has severe problems, which can affect the entire nation. What is your plan to fix it?
ARNOLD: I'll be back.
DAVE: You're not making any sense.
ARNOLD: E.T. phone home. Use the force, Luke. Show me the money. Show me the money.
DAVE: Shut up.
ARNOLD: Sorry.
DAVE: Now, Arnold, California's health care system is also . . .
ARNOLD: Arrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhh --- sorry, Dave, that was the steroids talking. Look, I gotta go, but let me just say to the California voters - when you walk into that booth October 7th, just check the box marked S-H-C-W-Z-G-E-R- oh, whatever. It doesn't matter. Bush is gonna fix the election for me anyway.
DAVE: Arnold Schwarzenegger, ladies and gentlemen.
ARNOLD: I'm coming after you Gary Colemen. I'll debate you anytime!

And that was mailbag. Before closing up, Dave suggests Monty Bo Peep and Lilly to go outside and wave to people. Being a good Peep, Monty agrees to the suggestion. Monty and Lilly walk out the back of the house.

Meanwhile, Carey Hart is ready for his first jump. It's the Hart Attack. He revs up the bike. Dave says it sounds like an angry hornet.
1. Hart Attack - rider releases both legs from the pegs and throws his legs straight up from the bike, elevating himself. This jump was named for Carey Hart.
Carey rides around picking up speed. He flies up the ramp and soars high above Broadway. He lets his body fly as he hangs on to the bike. Carey and the bike reunite and land safely on the descending ramp.
Very impressive.
And then we go to commercial.

Oh, before I forget, Letter #4 was from Alan Page of Oregon House, California.

Carey Hart's next jump was the Super Can - rider removes one leg to the other side of the bike, then brings the other leg up to meet it, elevating his butt off the seat. He follows this with a seat grab.

Carey performs this jump and it almost looked like he was going to lose it on the way down. I wonder if he was just toying with us. Carey says that the breeze is kicking up which is causing some problems.

TOP TEN: ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER CAMPAIGN PROMISES
#9. "Combine the intelligence of Bush with the sexual appetite of Clinton."
#8. "A heaping tablespoon of Joe Weider's 'Dynamic Body Shaper' in every pot."
#2. "Raise the minimum age for dating Demi Moore."

We check back in with Monty Bo Peep and Lilly. Dave suggests she and Lilly try to hail a cab.

BRITTANY MURPHY: She stars in the August 15th release of "Uptown Girls."
She recently returned from a USO Tour visiting the troops in Kuwait and Iraq. Brittany says she's from a marine family and was honored to do the Tour, and thanks Dave for making his visit to the Troops last year. She was very familiar with his visit and thanked him. She tells the story of singing a soft Beatles song, "In My Life" to the troops. Suddenly she hears from the crowd, "Show us your boobies!" (not quite "boobie" but you get the idea.) It sort of changed the feel and direction of the song she was trying to sing.
Dave shares stories of his visit and returned to the States thinking that all most of the men and women want is "not to be forgotten." They want us to remember that they are there. Brittany agrees. She is very proud of her marine roots.
The last time Brittany was on the show, she was dating Ashton Kutcher. How are things now? Brittany pretends not to know what Dave is talking about. She eventually briefly discusses her time with Ashton and that she's learned to keep her private life private. And speaking of 'privates' Brittany suggests that Ashton doesn't quite measure up. Whoa! Brittany laughs at her joke and emphasizes she is only kidding.
Oooh, the punker got Punk'd.
"Uptown Girls" - it opens the 15th.

CAREY HART: his next jump is the Whip. The Whip is a classic motocross move where the rider runs and lays the machine flat in mid-air. Dave says you shouldn't try this at home, and if you want to try it then try it at your neighbor's house. Carey sort of down-played the jump when explaining what he was to do, but WOW! That was some jump!

ACT 5: We see Monty Bo Peep and Lilly hailing a cab. Lo and behold, a cabbie stopped. Monty gets in the back seat but Lilly ain't budging. I hate it when I get a cab and my sheep pulls the same thing. And the meter is usually running. Anyway, the sheep never got in. If you listened closely, I think you could hear the sheep saying, "Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Naaaaaaaaaaahhhh"

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL: From their brand new CD, "A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar" (coming out Tuesday), Dashboard Confessional sang "Hands Down."

And that was our show for Thursday, August 7, 2003.

Stick around. It's a double header. Here's what to expect in Friday's show. Friday, August 8, 2003
Show #2026

David Duchovny; Brett Butler; and The New Amsterdams.
PLUS: Dave does Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations; Stump the Band; Lance Armstrong; Not a 10 Year Highlight; Will It Float; a Top Ten list; and Who is on Cape?

Just as Dave finishes his last joke, two members from the All-Star Buglers walk out and give a call on their horns. And just as quickly as they enter, the leave.

STUMP THE BAND - With Shaf-nac the Magnificent: Answer: Ben and J.Lo. What's in the envelope? Discuss amongst friends.
CONTESTANT #1: Erin Moran of San Francisco - I said "No," she's from Milwaukee. Oops, I'm wrong. I'm thinking of the wrong Erin Moran. I bet this Erin Moran never heard that before. Erin is a co-owner of a baby clothing store.
Her song: "Fred." The band attempts to guess the song, led by Paul on vocals. Did they get it right? You'll have to watch tonight.

CONTESTANT #2: Tim Herrama of Pella, Iowa. Pella is known for its window manufacturing. Tim's makes his living in lace.
Tim's song: "The Iowa Beer Song" - the band couldn't come up with the correct song. Hearing Tim sing it, I could think of only one thing: In college, Tim played on the rugby team.

CONTESTANT #3: Nicole Damink of Canton, Michigan. Nicole is a 2nd grade teacher. Nicole says 2nd graders are good since they still like school. You got to avoid those middle schoolers. I know what Nicole means. I'm hoping my girls study real hard and can skip middle school. Nicole's song: "In Right Out Right". Over Nicole's shoulder you can see a guy who looks like Pat Morita. It's like a Happy Days Reunion tonight.

We say hello to Lance Armstrong. Once again a heavy Lance Armstrong rides his bike across the stage and back through the house.

Rumor has it that our Lance Armstrong was a member of the 1992 or 1993 NCAA College football championship team, either Bama or Florida State. Someone saw his ring. I'll check it out further and let you know.

NOT A 10 YEAR HIGHLIGHT: November 22, 2000. Richard Simmons showed up in a Turkey costume. He attacked Dave. Dave returned the attack with a fire extinguisher and obscenities.

WILL IT FLOAT?
Item: a 5-gallon bucket of airport-grade driveway resurfacer - it is a plastic bucket. Discuss.

TOP TEN: THINGS OVERHEARD DURING GEORGE W. BUSH'S VACATION Make up your own and compare.

DAVID DUCHOVNY: He's got stories about his 4-year-old. He mentioned the word "Negotiation." I laughed. You can't negotiate with a child, but we all try. Including me. And it never works. It's OK to negotiate, just as long as you know you're going to lose.
David Duchovny is nominated for an Emmy Award for his guest appearance on "Life with Bonnie." His category is "Outstanding performance by guest actor in a comedy series."
Be sure to stick around for someone blowing their nose back stage.
Since it wasn't me, I thought it was very funny.
You can also catch David Duchovny in HBO's "Sex and the City" this season.

BRETT BUTLER: stand-up.
Golf Courses and Cemeteries take up space living people could enjoy. She also has a dog named Earl. He weighs well over 100 pounds. When she walks past him, she thinks "he needs pants."
You can see more of Brett as she stars in the upcoming television series, "McCloud" coming soon to the USA Network.

CAPE: And who's on Cape? It's a she and she's a local.

THE NEW AMSTERDAMS: making their network television debut, from their critically-acclaimed debut CD, "Worse for the Wear," the New Amsterdams sang "Spoils of the Spoiled". And that was our show for

Friday, August 8, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA!

I'm hoping Arnold wins the Governor's race in California. No, not Schwarzenegger. Gary Coleman.
Did you hear that Gary Coleman is running for Governor of California? I can already see their first debate:
Schwarzenegger: "I'm the real 'Arnold'"
Coleman: "What you talking about, Schwarzenegger?"
I'm putting my money on Gary Coleman. It's gonna be tough for Schwarzenegger to overcome all that Conrad Bain backing.

And in Italy, scientists successfully cloned a horse. In its first race, it came in second and third.

And you heard about the British "performance artist" who wants to have an ear attached to his arm? I now understand why. He currently has his head up his ass.

Boy oh boy, what would you do without the Wahoo? What would you do?

Phew. What a relief. Yesterday I thought something may have happened to Sarah Jessica Parker when I did not see ONE photo of her in the New York Daily News or the Post. But today, thank goodness, there was a picture of her in the News A shoe polish color was named after her.

I'm off to the Berkshires for a week. I'll be paying a visit to Wahconah Park in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, the oldest minor league stadium in the country. I've gone there a handful of times before, but there's been talk of it being torn down. Former Yankee and Seattle Pilot pitcher Jim Bouton fought to preserve and improve the stadium, and the entire town was behind him. That is, all except for "the Mayor, the Mayor's hand-picked Parks Commissioners, a majority of the City Council, the only daily newspaper in town, the city's largest bank, its most powerful law firm, and a guy from General Electric." Everyone else, or approximately 94% of the citizens of Pittsfield, Massachusetts, loved the stadium and supported Bouton. Bouton wrote a book on the ordeal entitled "Foul Ball" and I look forward to chatting with some of the locals to get their view.

Until then, see ya. We're off the next two weeks.

MONDAY AUGUST 11: From July 23, Show #2015: Joaquin Phoenix; Blues Traveler; and a top ten from baseball Hall of Famers
TUESDAY AUGUST 12: From June 24, Show #2005: Drew Barrymore; Simon Cowell; and Ray Benson sitting in with the band
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 13: From May 5, Show #1977: Kelly Ripa; Good Charlotte; and Survivor Christy Smith; and Pat and Stephanie drop stuff off the roof
THURSDAY AUGUST 14: From June 23, Show #2004: Demi Moore; and Verbena
FRIDAY AUGUST 15: From June 12, Show #1999: CBS Mailbag; Harrison Ford; Whoopi Goldberg on Cape; and Annie Lennox.

And that's not all:
MONDAY AUGUST 18: From July 19, Show #2019: Eugene Levy; Eels; and Rupert waterskiing
TUESDAY AUGUST 19: From June 25, Show #2006: Lucy Liu; Avigayil Worden; and Nick Cave and the Bad Seed
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 20 From June 26, Show #2007: Piedmont Bird Callers; Luke Wilson; Heidi Klum on cape; and Yeah Yeah Yeah
THURSDAY AUGUST 21: From July 21, Show #2013: Aron Ralston; and Tobey Maguire
FRIDAY AUGUST 22: From July 30, Show #20202: Sean William Scott; Jonathan Ames; and Fountains of Wayne.

Stop crying. We'll be back before you know it.