NEW HALLOWEEN COSTUMES: It’s a big time, long time favorite here at the LATE SHOW. It’s the kids in this year’s new Halloween costumes.
1. This is a fun costume unless you live in the Windy City. It’s the Chicago Cubs fan who interfered with the foul ball in Game 6.
2. Here’s one that will scare travel agents. It’s the guy who shipped himself in a crate.
3. They want candy, but they also want to revamp your wardrobe and décor. They’re the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” Fab Five.
4. This costume was inspired by one of the creepiest perversions of nature: The Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onion
5. I have to admit I find this one depressing: It’s the closest thing the costume shop had to Seabiscuit (two kids in a cow costume)
6. The aroma of cooked meat – the aura of star power – it could only by the George Foreman Grill (grill opens to reveal 4 cooking burgers)
7. It’s eerie. It’s frightening. It’s the button on the remote control whose purpose remains a mystery. (it’s the AUX button)
8. It saves you from painful burns, and now it’s a delightful costume. A Starbuck cup heat sleeve.
9. Iraqis know him as the Ba’th Party Regional Command Chairman for the Diyalal District, but you just know him as The Five of Diamond of the Iraqi Most Wanted Deck.
10. Whether you’re on the right or the left, you have to admit this one’s adorable. It’s Rush Limbaugh’s Medicine Cabinet. (Open cabinet to reveal a hundred organt vials of prescription drugs.)

The George Foreman Grill and the Starbucks cup heat sleeve were my Dominique and Danielle. It was an exciting day for them and for all the kids in the Costumes. A big congratulations to them and hats go off to our costume designers Sue Hum, Teresa Snider-Stein, Natalie Fowles for a job well done.

Oh, and a great job to Jill Leiderman who coached, cajoled, and kept the kids in costume and character throughout the day.

When the Rush Limbaugh Medicine Cabinet finally exited, you could hear a big sigh of relief from the many who put so much effort into this piece. Kudos to all.

MEET THE GOVERNOR: It’s the Governor dancing with another near-naked lady.

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL SNIFF – The President is giving a speech. At the end of one sentence, he curls his nose and lip and sniffs. I laughed at this because it reminded me of my friend Sean Reimer’s impersonation of Deputy Barney Fife when he moved to Mt. Pilot and pointed out Town Hall to Andy.

CBS Sunday Night Promo: Did you see their Halloween promotional announcement?

“Halloween continues Sunday on CBS. You will be haunted by a frightening apparition. The ghastly spirit of the undead resurrected before your very eyes in the form of three decomposing skeletons.”
(shot of Morley Safer, Mike Wallace, and Andy Rooney.)
“60 Minutes – only on CBS!”

“Have a spooky but safe Halloween everyone! From all your friends at Al Qaeda! Woo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo.”

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU’RE BEING HAUNTED BY A LAME GHOST
#9. He’s scary at first, but you always end up discussing classic “Star Trek” episodes.
#6. Says, “Dude, I got a 8 PM dinner reservation – would you mind telling your neighbor I said ‘Boo.’”
#2. Scares you by giving bleak prospects for Social Security remaining solvent through fiscal 2009.

PAMELA ANDERSON – She’s in the #1 movie in the country, “Scary Movie 3.”
We learn about Pamela:
Favorite subject in school: English
Favorite sport to play in school: Volleyball
She started dating at 13-14. That age is OK for kids to begin dating.

She asks Dave if he has any children that age, 13-14. Dave says no, “but I’m expecting one much younger.”

Is she dating? No.
Engaged? No, though she still sees Kid Rock from time to time.
Who broke up the engagement between Pamela and Kid? It was mutual.
Pamela sees Tommy Lee at soccer games.
Is she having sex? She says she can take care of herself. (Hey, that’s my joke: “Hey, Mike, how’s your sex life?” ME: “I’m holding my own.”)
Pamela’s been married once, but has been engaged 4 or 5 times.
She has a radio show on Sirius Satellite on station 146.

We see a clip of Pamela in Scary Movie 3 – we see her having a pillow fight.

AMANDA LOLLAR: she’s a bat expert. Amanda first became interested in bats 13 years ago in Texas when she came upon an injured bat and nursed it back to health. Blinds are not dangerous. Not blind. And get around with sonar. Are bats flying rats? No. Are bats flying mice? No.
Bat #1: Mexican Free-Tailed Bat – It looks like a flying mouse. Amanda holds the Mexican Free-Tailed Bat in her hand. She feeds a mealworm. The bat gobbles up the worm. Dave says, “I would like to see Pamela Anderson do that.”
Bat #2: Big Brown Bat – not too big. About the size of the Mexican Free-Tailed Bat, only brown.
Bat #3: a Large Flying Fox from Malaysia. Amanda’s assistant walks out with a bat about the size of a Red Tailed Hawk. The bat is one of the creepiest things we’ve had on our stage since Richard Simmons stopped coming on. Dave asks, “How much does that thing weigh?” And then asks, “And how would you cook it?”

Bats. Yeech, but really cool.

To find out more about Amanda check out www.batworld.org

ACT 5: On cape tonight, Rosie Perez! If you watch the show Monday night, she may still be here. BUBBA SPARXXX: Bubba and the boys perform “Deliverance” from his CD, Deliverance.

And that was our show for Friday October 31, 2003. Wahoo EXTRA!

At the top of the show’s script rundown was typed “Dave Guest Entrance.” I was curious as to what that meant. I never got around to asking. I finally asked Nancy a half hour before the taping. I said, “What is David Gest doing on our show? Is he coming out after Dave’s last joke or is he walking through the Halloween set?”
Nancy gasped. “David Gest is on the show?!” Nancy knows everything about what will take place on the show but knew nothing about David Gest. I was surprised that he would do our show after what he’s been through. Nancy quickly picks up the phone to call Barbara as I show her the top of the script rundown. She looks, breathes a sigh of relief, and hangs up the phone. Nancy tells me that since the Halloween set is in place, Dave Letterman will enter at the top of the show through the guest entrance. It’s “Dave – Guest Entrance.” Not “Dave Gest - entrance.” I felt so dumb.

For Halloween this year I’ll be doing what I always do. I put a big empty bowl out on the front porch with a sign, “Take One.”

It was quite a day here at the LATE SHOW. My girls had an absolute blast with all the other kids in costumes. After the taping, they were on the phone all night calling family and friends telling them to watch the show. And then I got on the phone to tell them to watch "The Tony Mendez Show" and watch for my appearance. And while we’re at it, check out Denise’s (wife) www.powerfulradio.com to find where you can listen to “Stepping Out,” the first 12-step radio show on the air. In the New York metro area, it’s on 12:07 AM Saturday night (actually it’s 7 minutes into Sunday) on ESPN 1050 AM.

That’s it! Have a good weekend everybody.

BOO!