Before the opening to the show, we see Tom Hanks offering a little toy to Dave to give his baby boy Harry. Dave accepts the gift graciously. It's one of Tom's many Academy Awards. Tom insists on Dave taking it for Harry, telling him he has plenty of them.

We get a few "You need help, here I am" and "Ain't no many better than me" from Renee at the top of the show. Sure, it's a simple thing to press that Zellweger audio button for her lines, but the control room has to really be on their toes waiting for Dave's cue. It can come any time from anywhere. Kudos to the control room for making a difficult task seem simple.

Before continuing, Dave asks if we have a second. He gets the thumbs up and so he quickly places a call to our friend Smitty. Smitty answers and as soon as she finds out it's Dave, she barks, "Hey, Grandpa, bite me!"
I'm not sure but from listening to Paul's dialing music while Dave was placing the call, I would guess Paul also doubled as the piano man for Mr. Rogers.

Did you see the big upset by UAB, the University of Alabama-Birmingham, vs. Kentucky in the NCAA's? We got a clip of the thrilling last seconds.
Unfortunately, CBS took that moment to plug Pert Plus, the logo covering the entire screen - "This exciting finish has been brought to you by Pert Plus, shampoo and conditioner in one. Pert Plus. Just wash and go!"
The graphic disappears and we miss the final play of the game.
Yes, the above was a joke but it's getting closer and closer that someday it will be real.

It's been quite a few weeks for NASA. They've made another thrilling discovery. First they found possible evidence of water on Mars; the found a new planet named 'Sedna,' and now they've found a cluster of stars that sort of makes the shape of a kitty. 'NASA - your tax dollars at work.'
If you're scoring at home, Dave says don't believe that Sedna thing.

BIFF GETS KNEE SURGERY
-March 4th at Beth Israel Hospital in New York City
-Biff had arthroscopic surgery on his left knee for a torn meniscus
Biff takes a seat in the guest chair and talks about his surgery. Dave holds up a drawing of a knee and Biff explains where the meniscus is found. Dave says, "And where exactly is 'Sedna'?" Silly, yet funny. It worked for me.
Biff has a clip of his knee surgery procedure.
We see Biff asking, "How long will I be out with this?" The doctor says "You'll be back to work on Monday." Biff slips the doc a twenty and the doctor now says, "You should be back to work in 6-8 weeks."

Biff has the doctor do some acting, as if something had gone horribly wrong. The doctor is giving Biff CPR, "I'm not losing you Henderson. Not on my watch!" Biff shows the doctor how it's done. The roles reverse with Biff giving the CPR to the doctor. "Don't let the bastard win!" Biff urges.

My favorite part: jamming scissors into Biff's knee.
While under the truth gas, we hear Biff mumble, "That Letterman is one pain in the ass." Or something like that.
Out of the operation, Biff tries to say something and ends the piece with a "good night." So how does Biff feel now? Biff says it is great. How great? Biff gets up and runs in place. That's how great.

TOP TEN: Ways Dennis Kucinich Can Still Be the Next President of the United States. And here to present tonight's top ten list, Democratic candidate Dennis Kucinich.
#10. "Keep doing what I'm doing. I'm winning, right?"
#8. "Act like a boob so people perceive me as more Presidential."
#4. "Just wait till I unleash my new campaign slogan: 'Kucizzle in the Hizzle!'" (Once again, I don't know what that means.)
Dennis Kucinich is the former Mayor of Cleveland, Ohio and a 4-time U.S. Congressman. I knew Kucinich would never be the 2004 Democratic nominee for President. Americans find it difficult to vote for a man whose name is always followed by the Homer Simpson's "DOH." (Kucinich, D-OH) It's too much to ask of the American people.

TOM HANKS: Tom enters to "My Baby Does the Hanky Panky." Tom has a gift for Dave and little Harry; a $50 United States Savings Bond. Here's how the savings bond works: let it mature and 30 years from now it'll be worth $637,000. If you don't let it mature the full 30 years, it'll be worth only $17. And if you cash it in before the halfway mark, you owe the government. Tim hands Dave the bond and tells him to keep it in a safe place. "Put that wherever you used to keep your dope."

Dave tells Tom he's looking great. Tom credits that to his giving up the lattes. He figured out he was drinking up to a half gallon of milk a day. His weight gain was from the mucus buildup alone. He now drinks the PG Tips tea. Dave wonders, "But isn't there as much caffeine in tea as coffee?" Tom clarifies with jitterish angst, "It's not the caffeine! It's the milk!!"
Let's take a moment to picture Charlton Heston saying the above line as if from the film, "Soylent Green."
"It's not the caffeine! It's the milk!!"

During the next segment, Dave and Tom talks about his new cars; one is all-electric, the other is a hybrid. The electric car works just like a regular car: turn the key and step on the pedal. It can go 85 mph and 80 miles on a charge. You can charge it at home and charge it at work.

My question about electric cars: isn't there an energy shortage in California, as well as the rest of the country? If everyone had electric cars instead of the combustible engine, wouldn't that put a ridiculous strain on our power supply?

Tom is also driving the hybrid, which I believe is half and half; half gas, half electric. Tom loves it. He's been driving it a month and has spent only $14 on gasoline. I said, "That's good for about 2 gallons of gasoline." Seconds later, Tom says "So I put the 2 gallons of gasoline into the car . . ." I "Played the Tom" and I won! Not only did I get the gist of the joke, I got the exact "2 gallons" right. DING!
Tom says he has invested money in these new type cars and Dave says he looks forward to buying "The Hankster" in the near future. Tom Hanks laughs at the joke, but you can tell he likes the idea of a car being called "The Hankster."

During the 3rd segment, Dave reads from a list of Tom's filmography. It's been 20 years since "Splash." Yikes. Tom's new movie, "The Ladykillers," comes out Friday. Tom wants it clear that no ladies were killed in the making of this film. Dave gives it good marks, particularly enjoying the way Tom's character twitches when he giggles. Dave also enjoyed the fake teeth Tom wore for the film. He calls them "the Letterman teeth."
We see a clip from the film. If I went to movies, I would want to see this one. For some reason, Tom Hanks always reminds me of my childhood neighbor Vic DelRegno.

ACT 5: "It's time to announce the winner of the 'Why I'd Like to Work at the Late Show Contest.' Once again, we received no entries for the 'Why I'd Like To Work at the Late Show Contest.' So there are no winners. Keep on playing the "Why I'd Like to Work at the Late Show Contest.' Tell your friends."

N.E.R.D. - stands for "No one Really Ever Dies." From their brand new CD "Fly or Die" coming out Tuesday, N.E.R.D. performed "She Wants To Move." Nice work by the dancer. Dave seems impressed as well as he asks, "Can I join the band?"

And that was our show for Monday, March 22, 2004. Wahoo EXTRA!

So how did I do in my March Madness Upset Predictions?
From last Wednesday's Wahoo:

1st Round
Manhattan over Florida - DING - I got the first one right. Things were looking real good for me.
Murray State over Illinois - BUZZ
Air Force over North Carolina -BUZZ
BYU over Syracuse - BUZZ
West Michigan over Vanderbilt - BUZZ

2nd Round
Boston College over Georgia Tech - BUZZ
Michigan State over Gonzaga - BUZZ, though Gonzaga was upset by Nevada (Nevada had beaten Michigan State)
S. Illinois over Stanford - BUZZ, though Stanford was upset by Alabama (Alabama had beaten Southern Illinois)
West Michigan over NC State - BUZZ, though NC State was upset by Vanderbilt. (Vanderbilt had beaten West Michigan.)

So, my upset predictions weren't too hot in the first round. In the second round, I was pretty good picking the losing favorites but I was wrong with their opponent. And how many college players can I name now? Two. Okafor from UCONN and McNamara from Syracuse. That's up from zero last week.

Sunday was the annual Pearl River, NY, St. Patrick's Day Parade. It is the second largest St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York, and rumor has it the 3rd largest on the east coast, after Savannah, Georgia. There is an unwritten rule that anyone who lives in Pearl River must host a party that day. Every party I've been to ends the same way: the host calls out, "Anyone want to take home the soda bread?"

I saw this in the comic section of today's New York Daily News. It's called "Stickelers" brain teaser.
- Below is a message written in code: Can you decipher the message?
O KIDY DP;BRF YJOD [IXX;R
Wahoo readers should have no problem with this.

I saw a photo of New York Met Mike Piazza playing first base the other day. He's making a long, extended stretch off the bag, a near split, to make the put out. The caption lauds his long stretch to nab the baserunner.

And now something to impress your friends at the bar: the near-split stretch by a first baseman is not the right thing to do. Perform the following visual to prove the point. While sitting at the bar on a Saturday afternoon before the crowds come in, have your friend stretch his legs in a near-split, like a first baseman, and have him reach out as far as he can as if he is about to receive a throw. Mark with a coaster where his hand reaches. Now have him shorten his split about a foot and again have him reach out as far as he can as if to receive a throw. You'll amaze your friend when he realizes that by shortening his split he can reach out further with his glove hand. Shortening the split will enable him to reach past the coaster, yet you'll see major league first basemen doing the split time and time again. One would think by the time a fellow reaches the major leagues, he would have been taught this. Tomorrow's lesson: the curve ball is just an optical illusion.

The #1 film in the country at the box office this weekend was "Dawn of the Dead." #2 was "The Passion of the Christ." Come to think of it, couldn't the latter also be called the former?

The Warwick Drive-in has reopened for the season. Now playing:
Warwick Drive-In Theater
RT 21 (Warwick TPK) near Rt 94
Warwick NY 10990
Moviephone 845-986-4440
http://www.warwickdrivein.com
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OPEN FRI SAT SUN ONLY
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Drive-In #1
Miracle PG Showtime 8:00
-Also-
Hidalgo PG13 Showtime 10:20
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Drive-In #2
Against the Ropes PG13 Showtime 8:00
-Also-
Twisted R Showtime 9:55
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Drive-In #3
Lord of the Ring: Return of the King
One Show Nightly 8:00

I try to make at least one showing a year. You gotta love the Drive-In.