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			Friday, May 14, 2004 Show #2170
			By Michael Z. McIntee	Change Text Color: Black \| White


	Amy Sedaris; Robert Sullivan; and Modest Mouse. PLUS: Biff spends the night with the NYPD; we look for rats; a Top Ten list; and the Late Show staffer who over slept. DANG IT! DANG IT, DANG IT, DANG IT! After the 4 AM Show, I stayed an extra hour and a half to do the Wahoo and head on home. I was a tired lad, so tired that I forgot to forward my finished Wahoo to the LATE SHOW Online guys, Walter and Jay. I hadn’t realized my error of omission until I received an e-mail from a Wahoo reader lamenting the delayed Wahoo. Do I repeat, Dang It! But better late than never. Yeah yeah yeah, I know, “but better never late.” It’s a new open for the 4 A.M. Show. We see napping staffers asleep at their stations. The guests are announced. The band is playing. Then we cut to outside on Broadway to see Dave riding a horse up Broadway, making a left onto 53rd Street. He dismounts and enters. The LATE SHOW models dressed in jimmies escort him in. And away we go. Monologue included: - I want to thank you folks for participating in this study on sleep and entertainment deprivation. - CBS wasn’t keen on this 4 A.M. idea. They said, “If we wanted to deal with a giant pain in the ass in the morning, we’d bring Bryant Gumbel back.” Tonight on our show is Amy Sedaris who will give us a tour of what her neighborhood is like at 4 in the morning. And we have a rat expert who will be in search of rats. Dave places a very real-looking rat on the desk. Dave says, “It’s the Daily Special at Rupert Jee’s Hello Deli.” We then get a shot of a sewer outside. While Dave is describing out hunt for rats, a napkin sitting on top of the sewer moves from the wind. The audience goes nuts! They mistakenly thought it was a rat. Back to Dave. As he begins to talk about something else, Director Jerry Foley quickly goes back to the sewer shot. IT’S A RAT! Less than 7 minutes into the show and we found rats! Way cool! We taped the Thursday show from 5:30 to 6:30. For the Friday 4 A.M Show we were scheduled to come back at 12:30 AM. At 1:15 AM, LATE SHOW staffer Bob Borden was still not in. Head Writer Eric Stangel placed a call to the hotel Bob was staying. Expecting an interesting response, Eric decided to have his end of the call videotaped with Bob on speaker phone. Ring. Ring. Ring. Bob groggily picks up the phone. “Hello.” Eric tries to make contact with the lazed Bob. A confused Bob has a hard time focusing where he is. Eric continues in his attempt to get Bob back to reality. “Bob! Where are you? You’re at the hotel. Do you know what time it is? It’s 1:30!” We hear nothing from Bob. Silence. We can picture Bob scrounging around looking for a timepiece in his dark hotel room. He can picture him finding his watch. Suddenly we hear, “Ahhh, djoy!” (to decipher ‘djoy’ simply look to the left of each letter in ‘djoy’ on your keyboard.) And we enjoyed the 4 A.M Staff Breakfast. We see various staffers dining on the Midnight morning meal. And there’s me, making sure to take advantage of the free grub. We then see Biff enjoying the condiments as he guzzles from a quart of Log Cabin Pancake Syrup. Then there’s Paul eating pancakes. He takes out his trusty gun and tosses a pancake in the air. He fires at the flying pancake, shooting it like a skeet. A sleeping Alan Kalter is always fun to take advantage of. Stagehands and staffer apply a cream cheese mustache on to our announcer. Another stagehand finishes the job by dumping scalding hot coffee over Red Kalter. Ouch! And of course, Dave showed up dressed as a Pilgrim. It’s time to say hello to Robert Sullivan, author of “Rats.” He looks like a lawyer. Coincidence? ROBERT SULLIVAN: A rat expert, and author of the book, Rats: Observations on the History & Habitat of the City’s Most Unwanted Inhabitants. So why does Robert love rats? He doesn’t. He’s repulsed by rats. And that’s what he finds so appealing. Hmm, I wonder if this guy is married? How many rats are there in New York City? When we looked for rats in the past on the show, the information I found on the Google estimated the rat population in the city to be anywhere from 50 to 100 million rats. Robert says that’s way too high. Even if there were one rat for every person in NYC (8 million rats), we would be stepping all over rats on our way to work. Robert puts the number closer to a quarter million. Oh, darn. 70 million sounds so much better. Some rat facts I uncovered. Actually, they were given to me by the research department. - rats can reproduce constantly, having sex up to 20 times a day. - One pair of rats can yield 15,000 descendents in a year. - Their teeth are harder than steel and grow 5 inches a year - Rats exert a biting pressure of 7,000 pounds per square inch. - Approximately 50,000 people are bitten by rats annually. - 25% of fires of unknown origin are believed cause by rats gnawing through electrical wires. - Rats are thigmophilic (they like touching things) - 25 million Europeans (a third of the population) died from the rat-borne plague during the 14th century. Are rats a danger to us? Robert sort of tip toes up to the answer, saying “Death in one danger.” Dave is confused. If they’re screwing all day, what danger are they to us?” Robert says death is not the only danger rats hold over us. They can also cause pain. We send Robert out to look for rats. He was in the area the other night scouting. He thinks he’s found a few hot spots that is sure to turn up a few rodents. We will see. BIFF WITH THE NYPD: Biff recently went out with Police Officers Jimmy Gallagher and Darian Shannon of the Midtown North Precinct. Biff got to know the police lingo thrown around by the PO’s. What is the dumbest cop show they ever saw? They both agree TJ Hooker was pretty bad. “The time Heather Locklear threw her nightstick at a fleeing felon's knees and knocked him to the ground, no way could that happen!” Do the ladies try to sweet talk them out of summonses? Gallagher says he is often told he looks like Walter Matthau. He takes it as a complement but it doesn’t sway him from giving the ticket. It seemed like a slow night on patrol until one call came in for “A man in a monkey suit throwing bananas.” An excited Biff says, “Let’s go to that!” When they got to the location, no monkey, no bananas. We created a reenactment, anyway. We see a guy in a monkey suit throwing bananas. And that was Biff spending the day with the NYPD. NEW YORK CITY 4 A.M. QUIZ. - (Cabbie driver pumping gas, ‘humping’ cab) This driver is: A) Fueling. B) Gassing C) ‘pumping’ - (Dark empty park) At the far side of this park, one can find: A) a softball field B) a petting zoo C) no idea – our cameraman was too frightened to go any farther AMY SEDARIS: Amy is outside her home in the West Village at the corner of Christopher and Bradford. She is going to take us around to visit her neighborhood at 4:30 in the morning. “I’m Bobby Bastista” she says and off we go. Some points of interest: - one of 11 porn video stores in the neighborhood. Amy recently rented a good one, “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Behind” - Li-Lac, Amy’s favorite chocolate shop - A dumpster is nearby, which means they just got a delivery. - an adult DVD store - a tattoo parlor – I met my agent there - a dirty magazine store - The Hanger – “Need I say more?” It’s a place for guys. - A jewelry store that is NEVER opened – an obvious drug front - A massage parlor which she is very happy with. She adds, “Full Release!” - The Leatherman - A tea and coffee shop – lots of Chinese men visit there - Another jewelry store – another drug front - Another XXX shop. The new movie just in is called, “13 Going Down on 30.” Ouch. I’m wondering if you’ll be seeing this tonight. - Another XXX shop, and it is open as well. - A bread factory. - Another jewelry store, fronting for a drug operation - And that’s about it. Amy Sedaris. Always funny, charming, witty, quick, odd. TOP TEN: GOOD THINGS ABOUT WORKING AT 4 A.M. #10. A Sanitation Employee: “When no one’s on the roads, I can open this baby up to 15 miles per hour.” #9. Waitress: “Customers are so groggy they don’t notice when I charge them forty bucks for a BLT.” #8. Security Guard: “Who else gets to go to Happy Hour at noon? #7. Doorman: “Sometimes real late at night the door starts talking to me” #6. Hospital Nurse: “If I get sleepy, I can sneak a nap in the M.R.I. machine #5. A Custodian: “Nothing” #4. Bartender: “What could be more pleasant than being surrounded by sweaty, angry drunks?” #3. Tow Truck Driver: “Get to meet interesting people like Billy Joel” #2. Exotic Dancer: “By the time I get to work, the pole is nice and warm” #1. A Taxi Driver: “Most nights looking in rearview mirror is like watching a dirty movie.” Following the Top Ten, Dave calls for the girls. “It’s Egg McMuffin Time!” The models and the pages enter and distribute bags and bags of the tasty Egg McMuffins. Yumm! ACT 5: It’s a very special Cape Performance tonight. Paul takes the microphone and heads out to the intersection of Broadway and 53rd Street. There he remains and sings. The doorman of “Flashdancers,” the gentlemen’s club, approaches and places a cape on the exhausted Paul. Paul begins to walk with the doorman but turns and escapes. Paul will not be done until the song is done. What a professional! And we got some very nice shots of Paul outside in the intersection. Nice job all around. Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep. The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses. A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year. Ducks at risk of attack by predators are able to balance the need for sleep and survival, keeping one half of the brain awake while the other slips into sleep mode. MODEST MOUSE: From their CD, Good News For People Who Love Bad News, the Modest Mouse performed “Satin in a Coffin.” I liked the sound. I may get the CD just for the name alone. And that was our exhaustive 4 A.M. Show, Friday May 14, 2004. Phew. Wahoo EXTRA! The show ran a bit long. Some of what I wrote about you may not have seen on the show. I could hang around to find out what’s in and what’s out, but I don’t think so. Some studies suggest women need up to an hour extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men. Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the internet. Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you’re sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you’re still tired enough to sleep deeply, but no so exhausted you feel sleepy by day. the extra-hour of sleep received when clocks are put back at the start of daylight in Canada has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents. Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can re-set the brain’s sleep-wake clock. I was hoping I would have something more to say but I don’t. It’s 6:28 Friday morning and it’s time to go home. I have to get the girls ready for school. Good night everybody! Amy Sedaris; Robert Sullivan; and Modest Mouse.* PLUS: Biff spends the night with the NYPD; we look for rats; a Top Ten list; and the Late Show staffer who over slept. DANG IT! DANG IT, DANG IT, DANG IT! After the 4 AM Show, I stayed an extra hour and a half to do the Wahoo and head on home. I was a tired lad, so tired that I forgot to forward my finished Wahoo to the LATE SHOW Online guys, Walter and Jay. I hadn’t realized my error of omission until I received an e-mail from a Wahoo reader lamenting the delayed Wahoo. Do I repeat, Dang It! But better late than never. Yeah yeah yeah, I know, “but better never late.” It’s a new open for the 4 A.M. Show. We see napping staffers asleep at their stations. The guests are announced. The band is playing. Then we cut to outside on Broadway to see Dave riding a horse up Broadway, making a left onto 53rd Street. He dismounts and enters. The LATE SHOW models dressed in jimmies escort him in. And away we go. Monologue included: - I want to thank you folks for participating in this study on sleep and entertainment deprivation. - CBS wasn’t keen on this 4 A.M. idea. They said, “If we wanted to deal with a giant pain in the ass in the morning, we’d bring Bryant Gumbel back.” Tonight on our show is Amy Sedaris who will give us a tour of what her neighborhood is like at 4 in the morning. And we have a rat expert who will be in search of rats. Dave places a very real-looking rat on the desk. Dave says, “It’s the Daily Special at Rupert Jee’s Hello Deli.” We then get a shot of a sewer outside. While Dave is describing out hunt for rats, a napkin sitting on top of the sewer moves from the wind. The audience goes nuts! They mistakenly thought it was a rat. Back to Dave. As he begins to talk about something else, Director Jerry Foley quickly goes back to the sewer shot. IT’S A RAT! Less than 7 minutes into the show and we found rats! Way cool! We taped the Thursday show from 5:30 to 6:30. For the Friday 4 A.M Show we were scheduled to come back at 12:30 AM. At 1:15 AM, LATE SHOW staffer Bob Borden was still not in. Head Writer Eric Stangel placed a call to the hotel Bob was staying. Expecting an interesting response, Eric decided to have his end of the call videotaped with Bob on speaker phone. Ring. Ring. Ring. Bob groggily picks up the phone. “Hello.” Eric tries to make contact with the lazed Bob. A confused Bob has a hard time focusing where he is. Eric continues in his attempt to get Bob back to reality. “Bob! Where are you? You’re at the hotel. Do you know what time it is? It’s 1:30!” We hear nothing from Bob. Silence. We can picture Bob scrounging around looking for a timepiece in his dark hotel room. He can picture him finding his watch. Suddenly we hear, “Ahhh, djoy!” (to decipher ‘djoy’ simply look to the left of each letter in ‘djoy’ on your keyboard.) And we enjoyed the 4 A.M Staff Breakfast. We see various staffers dining on the Midnight morning meal. And there’s me, making sure to take advantage of the free grub. We then see Biff enjoying the condiments as he guzzles from a quart of Log Cabin Pancake Syrup. Then there’s Paul eating pancakes. He takes out his trusty gun and tosses a pancake in the air. He fires at the flying pancake, shooting it like a skeet. A sleeping Alan Kalter is always fun to take advantage of. Stagehands and staffer apply a cream cheese mustache on to our announcer. Another stagehand finishes the job by dumping scalding hot coffee over Red Kalter. Ouch! And of course, Dave showed up dressed as a Pilgrim. It’s time to say hello to Robert Sullivan, author of “Rats.” He looks like a lawyer. Coincidence? ROBERT SULLIVAN: A rat expert, and author of the book, Rats: Observations on the History & Habitat of the City’s Most Unwanted Inhabitants. So why does Robert love rats? He doesn’t. He’s repulsed by rats. And that’s what he finds so appealing. Hmm, I wonder if this guy is married? How many rats are there in New York City? When we looked for rats in the past on the show, the information I found on the Google estimated the rat population in the city to be anywhere from 50 to 100 million rats. Robert says that’s way too high. Even if there were one rat for every person in NYC (8 million rats), we would be stepping all over rats on our way to work. Robert puts the number closer to a quarter million. Oh, darn. 70 million sounds so much better. Some rat facts I uncovered. Actually, they were given to me by the research department. - rats can reproduce constantly, having sex up to 20 times a day. - One pair of rats can yield 15,000 descendents in a year. - Their teeth are harder than steel and grow 5 inches a year - Rats exert a biting pressure of 7,000 pounds per square inch. - Approximately 50,000 people are bitten by rats annually. - 25% of fires of unknown origin are believed cause by rats gnawing through electrical wires. - Rats are thigmophilic (they like touching things) - 25 million Europeans (a third of the population) died from the rat-borne plague during the 14th century. Are rats a danger to us? Robert sort of tip toes up to the answer, saying “Death in one danger.” Dave is confused. If they’re screwing all day, what danger are they to us?” Robert says death is not the only danger rats hold over us. They can also cause pain. We send Robert out to look for rats. He was in the area the other night scouting. He thinks he’s found a few hot spots that is sure to turn up a few rodents. We will see. BIFF WITH THE NYPD: Biff recently went out with Police Officers Jimmy Gallagher and Darian Shannon of the Midtown North Precinct. Biff got to know the police lingo thrown around by the PO’s. What is the dumbest cop show they ever saw? They both agree TJ Hooker was pretty bad. “The time Heather Locklear threw her nightstick at a fleeing felon's knees and knocked him to the ground, no way could that happen!” Do the ladies try to sweet talk them out of summonses? Gallagher says he is often told he looks like Walter Matthau. He takes it as a complement but it doesn’t sway him from giving the ticket. It seemed like a slow night on patrol until one call came in for “A man in a monkey suit throwing bananas.” An excited Biff says, “Let’s go to that!” When they got to the location, no monkey, no bananas. We created a reenactment, anyway. We see a guy in a monkey suit throwing bananas. And that was Biff spending the day with the NYPD. NEW YORK CITY 4 A.M. QUIZ. - (Cabbie driver pumping gas, ‘humping’ cab) This driver is: A) Fueling. B) Gassing C) ‘pumping’ - (Dark empty park) At the far side of this park, one can find: A) a softball field B) a petting zoo C) no idea – our cameraman was too frightened to go any farther AMY SEDARIS: Amy is outside her home in the West Village at the corner of Christopher and Bradford. She is going to take us around to visit her neighborhood at 4:30 in the morning. “I’m Bobby Bastista” she says and off we go. Some points of interest: - one of 11 porn video stores in the neighborhood. Amy recently rented a good one, “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Behind” - Li-Lac, Amy’s favorite chocolate shop - A dumpster is nearby, which means they just got a delivery. - an adult DVD store - a tattoo parlor – I met my agent there - a dirty magazine store - The Hanger – “Need I say more?” It’s a place for guys. - A jewelry store that is NEVER opened – an obvious drug front - A massage parlor which she is very happy with. She adds, “Full Release!” - The Leatherman - A tea and coffee shop – lots of Chinese men visit there - Another jewelry store – another drug front - Another XXX shop. The new movie just in is called, “13 Going Down on 30.” Ouch. I’m wondering if you’ll be seeing this tonight. - Another XXX shop, and it is open as well. - A bread factory. - Another jewelry store, fronting for a drug operation - And that’s about it. Amy Sedaris. Always funny, charming, witty, quick, odd. TOP TEN: GOOD THINGS ABOUT WORKING AT 4 A.M. #10. A Sanitation Employee: “When no one’s on the roads, I can open this baby up to 15 miles per hour.” #9. Waitress: “Customers are so groggy they don’t notice when I charge them forty bucks for a BLT.” #8. Security Guard: “Who else gets to go to Happy Hour at noon? #7. Doorman: “Sometimes real late at night the door starts talking to me” #6. Hospital Nurse: “If I get sleepy, I can sneak a nap in the M.R.I. machine #5. A Custodian: “Nothing” #4. Bartender: “What could be more pleasant than being surrounded by sweaty, angry drunks?” #3. Tow Truck Driver: “Get to meet interesting people like Billy Joel” #2. Exotic Dancer: “By the time I get to work, the pole is nice and warm” #1. A Taxi Driver: “Most nights looking in rearview mirror is like watching a dirty movie.” Following the Top Ten, Dave calls for the girls. “It’s Egg McMuffin Time!” The models and the pages enter and distribute bags and bags of the tasty Egg McMuffins. Yumm! ACT 5: It’s a very special Cape Performance tonight. Paul takes the microphone and heads out to the intersection of Broadway and 53rd Street. There he remains and sings. The doorman of “Flashdancers,” the gentlemen’s club, approaches and places a cape on the exhausted Paul. Paul begins to walk with the doorman but turns and escapes. Paul will not be done until the song is done. What a professional! And we got some very nice shots of Paul outside in the intersection. Nice job all around. Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep. The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses. A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year. Ducks at risk of attack by predators are able to balance the need for sleep and survival, keeping one half of the brain awake while the other slips into sleep mode. MODEST MOUSE: From their CD, Good News For People Who Love Bad News, the Modest Mouse performed “Satin in a Coffin.” I liked the sound. I may get the CD just for the name alone. And that was our exhaustive 4 A.M. Show, Friday May 14, 2004. Phew. Wahoo EXTRA! The show ran a bit long. Some of what I wrote about you may not have seen on the show. I could hang around to find out what’s in and what’s out, but I don’t think so. Some studies suggest women need up to an hour extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men. Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the internet. Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you’re sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you’re still tired enough to sleep deeply, but no so exhausted you feel sleepy by day. the extra-hour of sleep received when clocks are put back at the start of daylight in Canada has been found to coincide with a fall in the number of road accidents. *Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can re-set the brain’s sleep-wake clock. I was hoping I would have something more to say but I don’t. It’s 6:28 Friday morning and it’s time to go home. I have to get the girls ready for school. Good night everybody!


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