Before the show, a guy in the audience told Dave that he and his wife are celebrating their 5th anniversary and wondered if Dave or the show had anything for them. Back in the shack our minds scurry to find an item. It was mental scurrying . . . none of us got out of our seats but in our heads we were hustling to find something. Meanwhile, Property Master Pat Farmer came up with 2 items. He brings an air purifier to the desk. Dave examines the items and sends it back, wanting something a little more romantic. Pat comes back with another box; a coffee maker. It came with a red bow around it. Dave is happy with that a personally delivers the coffeemaker to the happy couple in the last row. Dave, making dreams comes true. Dave proclaims, “This makes Oprah look like a piker.”

On the show tonight, Rachael Ray. She’s got a load of shows on the Food Network and the author of a bigger load of food books. But she’s not a chef. She’s a cook. What’s the difference? That will be Dave’s first question when she comes out. Paul wonders aloud . . . this Rachael Ray has developed an entire empire on cooking . . . . next stop . . . prison? Dave laughs and says that’s usually the route. And Rachael was just married last month. We had a lovely coffee maker for her but . . .

Before we continue, a word from the President of CBS Television, Mr. Les Moonves. Les? We see a looped clip of the cliff diving Les Moonves, circa 1976, Cannon. “My name is Pascual. My name is Pascual. My name is Pascual.”

Have you been out buying the Halloween candy? Dave went out and got himself a few bags of the Fun-Size bags of M&Ms. Now M&Ms have come out with an even smaller bag: It’s the Ultra-Fun-Size bag of M&Ms. Dave holds it up and the Ultra contains only one M&M.

Dave enjoys the Halloween but doesn’t appreciate the older teens who trick-or-treat; driving themselves from house to house, smoking a butt along the way. Dave mimes the actions of a teen driving and smoking. He must have done this for our British viewers since he threw the cigarette butt out the right hand window

Did you watch Charlie Brown’s It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown last night? It’s a delightful family favorite, though it looks like the ABC network tried to tweak it and make it more edgy. We see a clip of Charlie Brown talking to Linus.

LINUS: “What the matter, Charlie Brown? You don’t seem excited about Halloween.”
CHARLIE BROWN:“The veterinarian says Snoopy caught bird flu from Woodstock. He had to put them both down.”
LINUS:“Oh, Charlie Brown.”
CHARLIE BROWN: “Now he says I might have it, too.” (Charlie Brown suddenly explodes.)

It’s time for “Hurricane Wilma Comedy Classic” – it’s weatherman Al Roker being blown over while reporting on the scene in Florida.

Dave enjoys a few more M&Ms. He then states one of the Universal Truisms. When grab a handful of M&Ms, you can’t help but shake them in your hand like a couple of dice. The same is true of peanuts.

WORLD SERIES QUIZ – We sent a crew out to Game 1 at U.S. Cellular Field, the last bad new ball park. We then had the footage sent back to the LATE SHOW comedy lab to attach humorous questions and captions to each. Some of my favorite:
(Two lone guys sitting far up high in the stadium’s upper deck)
Though their seats aren’t great, these fans are still:
A) full of team spirit.
B) happy to be at the game
C) closer to the World Series than the New York Mets.

Our head carpenter Harold Larkin, whose office he built above the shack, stomps his foot so hard he almost brought the ceiling down on the Stangel’s head.

(Fat guy on cellphone)
Throughout the game, this man might hear references to:
A) a double play
B) a double steal
C) a double chin

I hope you all said “double chin” before Dave. If not, what are you doing watching the LATE SHOW? You should be watching Masterpiece Theater or something.

(A dozen Chicago police patrolling on bicycles)
The Chicago Police Department’s motto is:
A) “Protect and Serve”
B) “Promoting Public Safety”
C) “Wheeeeeeeee”

I think the writers wrote that one just to hear Dave say, “Wheeeeeeeeee”

(Older woman carrying a plastic bag of something)
This fan is bringing in:
A) her lucky sweater
B) a seat cushion
C) Centrum Silver to dissolve in her beer.

It’s time for “Alan Kalter’s World Series Update.”
Alan, with his arm still in a sling: “Thanks, Dave. So far the World Series matchup between the Houston Astros and the Chicago White Sox has not disappointed. Though the Sox are up 2 games to 0, I think were headed for a long series. My prediction: The Astros turn it around and do away with the White Sox. Sorry, Chicago.”
Alan happily puts on a Houston Astros hat.
Suddenly the big burly guy who always beats up Alan comes limping out in his Chicago White Sox hat. Just as he is about to pummel poor Alan, poor Alan cries out, “No! Wait! Don’t! I had shoulder surgery!”
The big guy says, “I can’t either. I had knee surgery.”
Pause.
Alan: “I’ve got a guy that sort of looks like me backstage.”
Big Burly Guy: “So do I.”
The Alan look-alike enters, as does the Big Burly Guy look-alike. The Burly look-alike then pummels the Alan look-alike.

TOP TEN: WAYS TO CHEER UP GEORGE W. BUSH – Reports coming out of the White House claim the President is becoming frustrated, bitter, and angry over recent events during his 2nd term.
#7. Remind him it’s only 6 weeks until “The Dukes of Hazzard” comes out on DVD.
#3. Get Air Force One pimpled.

UMA THURMAN – Her new film Prime opens Friday.

As a child, Uma spent some time in India, her father being a Buddhist scholar. At one time he was a monk. He is currently a professor at Columbia University. And when the Dalai Lama comes America, it is quite often her father who hosts him. Has she met the Dalai Lama? Yes, many times. And he’s a hugger; likes to hug everyone. Wow! It’s like Dave has a twin! With Rachael Ray on the show, Dave is curious if Uma knows the difference between a chef and a cook? Uma says a chef gets publicly applauded for his work while the rest of us just cook. Oooh, I like that. Does Dave like to cook? Dave says he does, his specialty being Veal shank with a Tylenol sauce.

In Uma’s new film, Prime, she dates/frolics about with a much younger man. Ever consider doing that in real life? Uma says it hasn’t occurred yet. Has this movie changed her thinking? She doesn’t say it has. Would she ever consider going out with a really old guy? Right about now is when most starlets ask, “So how’s your son Harry?”

Prime – it opens Friday and also stars Meryl Streep.

It’s time for Biff Henderson's “What's In The Green room.” We find Biff standing outside the Green Room. What’s in the green room? He opens the door and he says, “It’s a guy with his head on fire. Dumbass.”

ACT 5:
Announcer: “And now a message for German ‘Late Show’ Viewers”
We see George Clarke holding a German dictionary.
George: “I will now wish our German viewers a good evening in their native tongue. Let’s see . . . .
(George starts looking through the dictionary. He continues for a long time)
George: “I don’t know how to use this damn thing!
(George exits)
Announcer: “This has been a message for German ‘Late Show’ viewers. Maybe your country will be next!”

RACHAEL RAY: She’s the big star on the Food Network. What is she cooking tonight?

Balsamic-glazed salmon with Arugula-basil rice pilaf, also known as “Salmon Dave.” During the cooking segment, Dave samples from the bottle of Pinot Noir. He enjoys it so much, he goes back for more. As the drink is wont to do, it creates hunger. Dave is not able to wait for the salmon, so he snacks on a stick of butter. Taking another sip from the Pinot, Dave leers at Rachael and says groggily with a slur, “You are beautiful.”

What’s Rachael got cooking other than the salmon?
Her new cookbook: “365: No Repeats”
Her new magazine: “Every Day with Rachael Ray”
From the Food Network: “30 Minute Meals”
“$40 a Day”
“Tasty Travels”
“Inside Dish”
And her cookbooks:
“Rachael Ray’s Get Real Meals”
“$40 a Day”
“Cooking Rocks”
“Cooking ‘Round the Clock”
“Rachael Ray’s 30-Minute Meals”
“The Open House Cookbook”
“Comfort Foods”
“Veggie Meals”
And maybe some others I forgot.

During the commercial break, Paul and the band play “Hold On, I’m Coming.” Why? The song is by Sam and Dave, in honor of tonight’s dish “Salmon Dave.”

And that was our show for Tuesday October 25, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Did you see that dramatic 14th inning World Series home run by Chicago White Sox’ Geoff Blum? It happened after 2:00 AM here in the east. Unfortunately, I missed it, falling asleep around 1:00. Thanks, Major League Baseball. Much like the ancient Inca civilization and the Civil War, Game 3 of the 2005 World Series is something I’ll have to only read about.

After Dave gave the Anniversary couple in the audience an automatic coffee maker, he said, “This makes Oprah look like a piker.” I’ve heard the expression many times before but for the first time I wondered what is meant by “piker.”

From a website called YourDictionary.com

PIKER: n. Slang
A cautious gambler.
A person regarded as petty or stingy.
- Possibly from Piker, a poor migrant to California, after Pike County in eastern Missouri.]

Dear Word Detective: Having returned from a fishing trip where pike were not our sought-after fish, I wondered where the phrase "He is a real piker" came from. clues?
-- Robert Levine, Old Greenwich, CT.

I'll give it a shot, but there doesn't seem to be a definitive answer to your question. The basic sense of "pike" as a noun is "something sharply pointed," especially a staff with a pointed end. The "pike" fish is so named because it possesses a long, pointed beak.

Untangling the history of "piker" takes a bit of doing. According to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), a "piker" is "A cautious or timid gambler who makes only small bets; a person who takes no chances; a ‘poor sport’ ... a shirker." A "piker," in short, is no fun at all.

There are a number of theories about the origin of "piker." The OED traces the word to the antiquated verb "to pike," meaning "to leave," which would certainly fit in with the sense of "cautious or timid." Originally, "to pike oneself" meant to obtain a pike or walking stick in preparation for leaving. "To pike" in this sense first appeared around 1420, and by 1889 "to pike" was being used in America to mean "to hold back or back out" in gambling.

Another possibility is that "piker" is rooted in the old British slang term "piker" meaning "tramp," from vagrants who traveled the "turnpikes," or toll roads. (The "pike" in "turnpike" was the barrier at toll booths which was "turned" to allow passage after payment of the toll.)

And yet another possibility, mentioned by Hugh Rawson in his book "Wicked Words," is that "piker" arose on the U.S. West Coast during the 1800s as a derogatory term for someone from Pike County, Missouri. Rawson points to "Okie," used in the 1930s as a derogatory term for migrants from Oklahoma, as a parallel to this possible origin of "piker."

Oh, and if you’re interested in making the dish prepared by Rachael Ray tonight, here is the recipe from her new book, “365: No Repeats.”

Balsamic-Glazed Salmon with Arugula-Basil Rice Pilaf

1 6-ounce box rice pilaf mix, such as near east brand
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)
4, 6 to 8 ounce, salmon filets
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves (from a couple of sprigs), chopped
1 sprig of fresh rosemary, finely chopped
2 small garlic cloves, finely chopped
½ cup red wine, such as pinot noir
2-3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (eyeball it)
2 tablespoons honey
2 cups trimmed and chopped arugula (from 1 bunch)
15 to 20 fresh basil leaves, shredded or torn
2 tablespoons butter

Prepare rice pilaf to package directions.

While the rice is cooking, heat EVOO, 2 tablespoons or 2 turns of the pan, in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat for the salmon. Season the salmon with salt and pepper then add to the hot skillet. Cook the salmon for 4 to 5 minutes on each side, or until cooked to desired doneness.

Heat a small skillet over medium high heat and add the remaining tablespoon of EVOO, 1 turn of the pan, the onions, thyme, rosemary and garlic, then sauté for 2-3 minutes. Add the red wine and balsamic vinegar, cook for about 30 seconds then add the honey and cook until the liquids have reduced by half, a few minutes more.

While the glaze is reducing, finish the rice pilaf. Add the arugula and basil to the cooked rice, stirring with a fork to fluff the rice and combine and wilt the greens at the same time.

Once the balsamic glaze has reduced by half, turn off the heat and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of cold butter. Stir and shake the pan until the butter melts. Add the chops to the pan and coat them n the balsamic glaze. Serve the glazed salmon along side the arugula-basil rice pilaf.

4 servings

You know how I can go on and on . . . . and on and on . . . and on some more about where the camera takes us while watching sporting events; every place but the game. I’ve been hoping to pollute your viewing habits by making you aware of the same.

This from Rich Suwanski of Owensboro, Kentucky:

“Another thing about camera shots of the non-essential ... Networks use so many cameras, I guess they think they have to use them all to give you everything from every angle instead of focusing on the meaningful action and sticking with it. With all the camera switches, I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. Rather than absorb it all like, I suppose, the director wants, I get pissed and get less flavor for the game. If I'm at the ballpark, I watch the action. I don't look at the face of the guy next to me, then the batter, then the pitcher, then the guy behind me holding a sign, then the kid in the mother's arms, then the manager in the dugout.
SHOW ME THE PITCHER AND THE BATTER AND THE ACTION THAT RESULTS.
If there's a defensive shift, show it. And if the announcers are smart enough, tell me what a manager or player might do in key situations. I don't want to see the owner in his box, the pitching coach sitting on his hands or the crazy fan with the painted face and the joker hat. Maybe some day we'll have the technology that allows a viewer to pick the camera shot he wants. Thanks for letting me spout off.
Rich
P.S. Go White Sox.”

Oh, about the World Series and the Astros down 3 games to 0. Of course we all know that the Boston Red Sox came back against the Yankees last year after being down 3 games to 0, so it is not impossible. This is the way I look at the Astro chances, and I may be a bit more optimistic than most, being a big Islander fan in 1975. This is all the Astros have to do: Win tonight. Get past Game 4 with a win, and then you have Clemens, Pettitte, and Oswalt to finish out the Series. That’s very doable. Heck, get past tonight and the ‘Stros could even be favored in each of the following games. Houston could have won any one of these first three games. Winning the next 4 is certainly not out of the question. Just get past tonight.

What to look for tomorrow night: our guests will be Bette Midler and Reggie Miller. Will Dave mention how they both have almost the same name --- Midler and Miller; coupled with Bette and Reggie each having an 'e' followed by a double letter? It may be a stretch, but it's what I saw when I typed up their names today.

Hey, Bob Borden mentioned me in his diary today. Check it out at www.Bobborden.com where it’s all Bob all the time . . . but don’t let that stop you.