ACT 1: It's now closer than ever . . . this Monday kicks off Ventriloquist Week.
Mon Feb 12 - Kevin Johnson with Clyde & Matilda
Tue Feb 13 - Dan Horn & Orson
Wed Feb 14 - Otto & George.
Thu Feb 15 - Jim Barber & Seville
Fri Feb 16 - Brad Cummings with Rex

43 years ago tonight, the Beatles made their U.S. television debut right here on the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater. Where was Dave? He went to a friend's house to watch, since he had a color TV. It was freezing cold outside and Dave had a terrible nasal infection.

It's extremely cold. Did you see the weather channel today?
We see a clip from the Weather Channel. We hear the announce:

"And now, your local conditions. . . . (the screen does not change . . . the screen stays stuck) Damn thing's frozen. . . . (SFX of pounding on something) . . . . come on, you piece of crap . . . (SFX of more pounding)"

Dave takes a moment to say, "this puts me in the mood to tell a story . . . . but I can't." After urging from Paul and the audience, Dave reluctantly tells the story. He says he knows someone who makes that very recipe that Squanto made. And in that very same dish . . . that person also uses the dish for medical treatment.

-The average Amtrak passenger spends fourteen hours a year wondering, 'What's the hold up?"
-7% of Americans lick self-adhesive stamps
-Aromatherapy is just a sales gimmick to get people to buy candles
-The one item most Americans say they couldn't live without is the Brother P-Touch Label Maker
-Although they all used to live in Texas, one of George Strait's exes has since relocated to Arizona
-Jim Henson's earliest Muppets were hollowed-out animal carcasses
-Bet you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
-NASA has found evidence of water on Mars as well as trace amounts of Diet Sprite
-This year's Super Bowl was beaten in the ratings by a repeat of 'According to Jim'.

In the very same dish.

-Just to be safe, 5% of Americans bring their passports when traveling to New Mexico
-Wolf Blitzer has a sign on his front lawn that reads "Beware of the wolf."
-Bob Dylan says the one song he wishes he had written is 'Kung Fu Fighting'
-In 1985, Hall & Oates consummated their relationship
-And finally, in 1946, a powerful windstorm blew away Mount Rushmore's four giant hats

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see Bush saying . . . I forgot . . . was it "Bienvinedos"?

ACT 2:
Something was soaked in the casserole dish, and then the dish was put back in the cabinet to be used again for a casserole . . . after something was soaked in it.

TOP TEN: Signs You're Not Going To Win a Grammy Award
#6. Your name is Kevin Federline
#2. In your attempt to bring sexy back, you got a sexually transmitted disease

FRANK CALIENDO: The very funny Frank Caliendo enters as John Madden. He's here for a Super Bowl Wrap Up. Topics covered:
-The Colts - they won because they made the tackles. And their defense wasn't as tired as the Bears'. A tired defense doesn't play as well as a not-tired defense.
-Peyton Favring
-The kickoff return
-The wet conditions - made things slippery
-The commercials.
-Prince
-Prediction for next year's Super Bowl: The Colts vs. the Bears.

ACT 3:
RACHAEL RAY: She's got a lot going on; just check out her website. She's a very busy lady. Rachael recently had the First Lady on her show, Laura Bush. Rachael admits to being a bit nervous, not knowing the protocol on how to behave when in the company of the First Lady. Rachael figured snacks would be a nice ice-breaker. And she made sure to wear her nice shoes for that show. Earlier in the week and that day, the Secret Service came in and gave the place a big sweep, checking for things that shouldn't be there. Rachael wonders why they are called the Secret Service. "There's nothing 'secret' about them" she says. They all have the same suits, the same sunglasses, the same thing sticking out of their ear. And they are all good looking. The women in the audience were lining up to get frisked.
Rachael is very proud of her involvement with NASA. She created recipes for the last Shuttle mission. One of the dishes included garnish, the first time a garnish had ever been allowed into space. We have some at the desk and Dave tries some of the special space food. Says Dave, "Tastes like U.S. Air."

ACT 4:
WILL IT FLOAT: Tonight's item: a 3 liter can of extra virgin olive oil. And what are we playing for? It's a brand new mini cooper.
Dave says it will float.
Paul says it will float.
The Late Show models drop the can of extra virgin olive oil into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . FLOATS! It looked like it was going to sink but it came back up to the surface. It floats!

ACT 5:
Next week's Ventriloquist Week:
Mon Feb 12 - Kevin Johnson with Clyde & Matilda
Tue Feb 13 - Dan Horn & Orson
Wed Feb 14 - Otto & George
Thu Feb 15 - Jim Barber & Seville
Fri Feb 16 - Brad Cummings with Rex

ACT 6 THE FAB FAUX: On this date in 1964, the Beatles made their U.S. television debut here on the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater. Paul remembers back to the day and takes over the introduction of the band. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!" But this time, it's the Fab Faux. Tonight, the lads west of Liverpool performed "I Am the Walrus." The Fab Faux, a Beatles tribute band, includes our own Will Lee on bass and vocals, and Jimmy Vivino of "Late Night." Check 'em out at www.thefabfaux.com

And that was our show for Friday, February 9, 2007.



The Fab Faux were here for the 43rd Anniversary of the Beatles' visit to the Ed Sullivan Theater. My family did not watch the Beatles that night. Why not? I did a little investigating three years ago because I wondered the same. This is what I came up with.

From the February 9, 2004 Wahoo Gazette:

"So all week I've been wondering why I didn't watch the first Beatles' appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show 40 years ago. I know we were a Disney family, usually watching that instead of the Sullivan show on at the same time. But 40% of all America watched Sullivan and the Beatles that night, over 73 million people, and I wasn't one of them, nor was any of my family. Why not? I did some research on the Google. I found that on Disney that night was 'The Scarecrow.' 'The Scarecrow' was a McIntee favorite and I'm sure we all wanted to watch "The Scarecrow" rather than the Beatles. And why not? Who would you rather see; John, Paul, George and Ringo of the Beatles, or Patrick McGoohan as the Scarecrow? I was only 6 at the time and it was my two older brothers who probably called the shot for 'The Scarecrow.' Obviously, it was more their fault than mine."

And then right after that, this came to mind: A pirate who is forced to walk the plank is actually lucky if he has a wooden leg.

LETTERMAN'S HUMOR
The racehorse Letterman's Humor ran the 7th race at Gulfstream Park in Florida on Thursday, going off at 20-1.
Results: Letterman's Humor came in 7th out of 8 horses. A brief summary of the race: CORINTHIAN pressed the pace from the outside, moved to take over three wide on the far turn, shook off a challenge from JAZIL and drew off under urging. JAZIL unhurried and angled to the inside soon after the start, split rivals while rallying to reach near even terms for command on the far turn but was no match for the winner. TOO GOOD outrun early, passed tired rivals to be up for the show. DOC CHENEY stalked the pace four wide into the far turn and tired. KING OF JAZZ set the pace along the inside into the far turn and faltered. LETTERMAN'S HUMOR well placed while saving ground, faded leaving the far turn. JUNIPER KNIGHT chased the pace for a half mile, stopped and was eased in the stretch run.

From Andrew Hoenig of Rockville, Maryland:

"Letterman's Humor reminds me of the old joke: I bet on a horse going out at 20 to 1. He finished at a quarter after 3."

And now some of my favorite descriptive headlines concerning the nutty astronaut: "Astro-nut"
"Lust In Space"
"Dark Side of the Loon"
"Hussy from Houston"
"Spaced Invader"
I had no problem with the difficulties of NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak until I heard about the diaper. Then I didn't think it was funny anymore. The woman's got problems. The BB gun, the pepper spray, the 4-inch knife, the rubber gloves, the rubber tubing, the steel mallet . . . that was all fine with me. She was angry. But the diapers . . . .no . . . . that's just not right.

I was reading the sports section the other day. The New York Knicks lost to the Milwaukee Bucks 107-105. Knicks Coach Isiah Thomas was livid at his team for shooting a paltry 14 of 24 from the free throw line; 58.3%. I always check the free throw shooting percentage in the box score of close games to see if better foul shooting could have altered the outcome of the game. Yes, the Knicks shot .583 from the line and Isiah Thomas should have been angry, but the Bucks shot 16 for 25 themselves, 64%, which is also poor for a professional basketball team. I mention this because last weekend my 11-year-old girls participated in a foul shooting contest put on by the local Knights of Columbus. Danielle shot 11 for 15 from the line, which comes to 73%. And she came in 2nd place. Another girl shot 12 for 15 and won, shooting 80%. In the older division, one of the 14-year-old boys shot 14 of 15. I stayed for the entire event. Most of the 100 participants, no matter the age, shot better than 58.3%. How can these professional players not out-perform local school kids from the foul line?

Did you know you could fit two NBA basketballs side-by-side through a basketball hoop at the same time?

Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show:
Will It Float item: a plastic bag of water with 3 marbles in it.
This concludes another episode of "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show."

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet. . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Susque-View Nursing Home in Lock Haven, Pennsylvania, it's the nursing staff on the 11-7 shift.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER