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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Viggo Mortensen; Kat Von D; and Daughtry. PLUS:Dave’s Tattoo; Mitt Romney, Burglary Victim; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches;
and a Top 12 from the NASCAR drivers in the Chase for the Nextel Cup.
“ . . . and now, elderly scam victim . . . . David Letterman!
ACT 1
“It’s 5768. Time flies. I’m still writing 5767 on my checks.”
Tonight during the pre-show Q&A, Dave learned we had another newlywed couple in the audience, and another couple wanted to know if Dave could get them tickets to see Oprah. If the audience isn’t careful, we may do away with the pre-show Q&A. Is going to the Late Show something you’re supposed to do on your honeymoon?
Dave is excited to have Kat Von D on the program tonight. She’s the star of the tattoo show “L.A. Ink” on the TLC. Dave really enjoys the programs on the TLC, especially the Teutul motorcycle show and the Mythbuster show. He’s got both on his speed dial. Those two shows are known as “Appointment TV,” meaning, you make time in your schedule to make sure you watch the program. The Late Show? That’s “Disappointment TV.”
And this “L.A. Ink” program is exiting, too. And when Kat Von D comes out, Dave is eager to show her the tattoo on his leg. Dave lifts his pant leg and the camera comes around the desk to get a good shot. Dave lifts the pant leg and we see a sharp, crisp tattoo of Larry King.
If Paul were to get a tattoo, where would he put it? He would follow Britney Spear’s lead and get it on his lower back. And what would it be of? Paul says it would read, “Kevin Federline.” Dave laughs and says Paul’s chance of infection is high.
Me? If I were to get a tattoo it would be a battleship on my chest.
Mitt Romney’s campaign headquarters were burglarized this week. It’s just like Watergate. And in the interest of full disclosure, Mitt released a complete list of everything that was taken. We see this announcement.
Items Stolen from Mitt Romney’s Headquarters:
- a 32-inch flat screen TV
- eight laptop computers
- one “World’s Great Mitt” mug
- 3,500 gallons of hair gel”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see Harry S Truman.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush, addressing Australian Prime Minister John Howard: “We congratulate you on, like, your grandfatherhood.”
ACT 2 TOP TWELVE: REASONS I LOVE RACING. So special is tonight’s top ten, we needed 12 just to contain it. And to present tonight’s Top Twelve list, the NASCAR drivers competing in he Chase for the Nextel Cup. Jimmie Johnson
Jeff Gordon
Tony Stewart
Carl Edwards
Kurt Busch
Denny Hamlin
Martin Truex, Jr.
Matt Kenseth
Kyle Busch
Jeff Burton
Kevin Harvick
Clint Bowyer
It’s cool to have 12 of the best NASCAR drivers on the stage at one time. All are very nice and personable. Plus, it’s fun to drop it in conversation when I’m around NASCAR fans that I met them.
Quickie Quiz: What does NASCAR stand for? Answer:
National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. I’ve been reading up on “NASCAR For Dummies.” I hope to dazzle my brother-in-law when the time is right.
ACT 3 VIGGO MORTENSEN: I didn’t see a bit of this, none at all. I was busy distributing last second, after-the-fact, changes.
Back in November, 2004, I predicted Viggo Mortensen would be the next James Bond. BUZZZZ. I’m writing the following based on one-word notes from someone’s show schedule and filling in the rest based on the segment notes.
Viggo is in the film, Eastern Promises – opening this Friday in selected cities.
Goatee: The goatee Viggo is wearing is for a film he is about to shoot. I said, “Is it about Kentucky Fried Chicken?” Nope. It’s a western entitled, “Appaloosa.” Dave likes westerns. Is there a part available for Dave? There may be a part for an effeminate banker.
Dave had learned that Viggo had once worked as a street vendor in New York City. Viggo wondered how Dave knew that. Dave looks down at the segment sheet in front of him and said, “Uhh, it’s question #3.” Viggo says he operated a Chipwich cart by the Lincoln Tunnel, not a very good location. To sell his load, Viggo would make up his own specials, like two-for-one. Totally unauthorized. Viggo said he wasn’t actually fired, but he and his boss came to a mutual agreement that it would be best if Viggo moved on.
Viggo has a tattoo of the letter H on his wrist. What’s the story behind that? Viggo got the tattoo when his son, Henry, was 5. At the time, he was learning to write words, and specifically, his name, so there were a lot of H’s around the house. Henry would practice writing the letter H wherever he could, including on Viggo. One day, little Henry wrote a “H” on Viggo’s wrist. Viggo liked the way it looked and decided to put it there permanently.
Early work? Viggo once played a shady character in a 1985 episode on “Search For Tomorrow.” The scene takes place in a restaurant or bar. In the clip, we see Viggo mention the town of “San Marcos” a ridiculous number of times. It was pretty funny.
In Viggo’s new film, Eastern Promises, he’s involved in a knife fight in the nude . . . in a steam bath. Just the thought of that makes me nervous. Hopefully the knife was just a prop. I read somewhere that it is quite possibly the longest male nude scene ever in a mainstream Hollywood film. Eastern Promises – it opens this Friday in selected cities.
ACT 4/6 KAT VON D: She’s the star of the TLC program, L.A. Ink, all about tattoos. Kat Von D, short for Katherine Von Drachenberg, got her first tattoo at the age of 14. One of her friends tattooed a ‘J’ on her ankle, for her boyfriend James. At the time, she and her friends would give each other tattoos using a homemade tattoo gun made of an old walkman motor, batteries, and a bass guitar string. By 16, she got a job at a tattoo parlor.
Dave takes a look at some of the tattoos Kat Von D’s body. She estimates that 75% of her body is already covered. Is she done? No. She expects she’ll be getting tattoos throughout her life. Each tattoo tells a story and is sort of a record of her life; a mark in time.
We get a gander of some of Kat’s tattoos. We see a likeness of her dad’s high school photo; an actress, and Beethoven. On her back, is her mom.
(Make your own, “Mom, get off my back!” joke)
Dave and Kat Von D then talk about what to expect when getting a tattoo, from start to finish, including the “ugly duckling” stage. Once you get the tattoo, the body tries to heal the area. The blood and scabbing will last for no more than 2 weeks.
Dave once again scans Kat Von D’s body and likens it to a museum. The tattoos are quite interesting . . . on someone else . . . and not on my daughters. Who knows what my 11-year-old twins will be into when they are old enough to be into something? I hope it’s stamps.
Kat Von D on the TLC. It’s “L.A. Ink”, Tuesdays at 10:00 PM.
ACT 5 Alan Announce: “For tickets to ‘The Tyra Banks Show,’ please send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:
The Tyra Banks Show
c/o Chelsea Studios
221 W. 26th St.
New York, New York 10001.
Welcome to Tyra’s World!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 7 DAUGHTRY: From their new CD, “Daughtry,” Daughter performed “Crashed.”
And that was our show for Wednesday September 12, 2007.
On Tuesday, I left for work at 7:05 A.M. and got in at 9:45. Today I left for work at 7:05 A.M. and got in at 8:20. Each day, you never know.
And the front page story in Wednesday’s USA Today is all about early A.M. commuters. It reports:
“Americans are leaving home earlier and earlier to beat the rush and get to work on time.”
You know, you can read about morning commuting here in the Wahoo Gazette, or wait a few days or a few weeks and you can read about it in the USA Today.
Much like talking about one’s golf game, talking about one’s commute interests nobody but the story teller.
Damn, Red Sox. They’ve won their last two games in the bottom of the 9th. Make them two losses and the Yankees would be 3 games out. Boy, that would make for a fun final two seeks of the season. But the BoSox had to ruin it.
LATE NIGHT, THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. Kat Von D was born March 8, 1982. So what happened on LATE NIGHT the day she was born? Late Night show #21. Open with Larry Bud Melman; New Gift Items; Dr. Ruth Westheimer; Sarcasm; Bob Weide; and Judith Viorst.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Kat Von D was born.
ABC, THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. Kat Von D was born March 8, 1982. So, what was on ABC the day she was born? ABC aired the 3-hour special, “Night of 100 Stars.”
And that’s how we play, “ABC, The Day They Were Born.”
Oh, boy, the New York Knicks are fun again! It’s great reading about them in the New York Post and Daily News. Go, Isiah, Go!
Happy Rosh Hashanah. It’s year 5768. To celebrate, I will include some jokes found on the online Jewish Magazine and elsewhere.
Q. What did the Jewish Mother bank teller say to her customer? A. You never write, you never call, you only come to see me when you need money.
Q. What did the Jewish Mother ask her daughter when she told her she had an affair? A. Who catered it?
Q. What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers smoke? A. Gefiltered
Izzy entered the room all agitated. "There is a new Nazi Party and their manifesto states they intend to kill a million Jews and five Postmen."
"Why five postmen?" somebody asked.
"That's typical," cried Izzy in despair. "Nobody ever cares about the Jews."
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car! The rabbi hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
A car hit a Jewish man.
The paramedic: Are you comfortable?
Jewish man: I make a good living.
One day a Jewish man wakes up late for a new job interview. He quickly takes a shower, eats breakfast, and gets into his car. When he finally gets there he can't find any parking places. He looks and looks, but he just doesn't find one. Finally he prays to G-d and says. "G-d if you find me a parking spot I will go to the temple every Saturday morning and I will never lie again." Two minutes later he finds one and says, "Never mind, I found one!"
Shana Tova!
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Math Professor at the University of Cincinnati, it’s Lawrence Gilligan
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Viggo Mortensen; Kat Von D; and Daughtry. PLUS:Dave’s Tattoo; Mitt Romney, Burglary Victim; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches;
and a Top 12 from the NASCAR drivers in the Chase for the Nextel Cup.
“ . . . and now, elderly scam victim . . . . David Letterman!
ACT 1
“It’s 5768. Time flies. I’m still writing 5767 on my checks.”
Tonight during the pre-show Q&A, Dave learned we had another newlywed couple in the audience, and another couple wanted to know if Dave could get them tickets to see Oprah. If the audience isn’t careful, we may do away with the pre-show Q&A. Is going to the Late Show something you’re supposed to do on your honeymoon?
Dave is excited to have Kat Von D on the program tonight. She’s the star of the tattoo show “L.A. Ink” on the TLC. Dave really enjoys the programs on the TLC, especially the Teutul motorcycle show and the Mythbuster show. He’s got both on his speed dial. Those two shows are known as “Appointment TV,” meaning, you make time in your schedule to make sure you watch the program. The Late Show? That’s “Disappointment TV.”
And this “L.A. Ink” program is exiting, too. And when Kat Von D comes out, Dave is eager to show her the tattoo on his leg. Dave lifts his pant leg and the camera comes around the desk to get a good shot. Dave lifts the pant leg and we see a sharp, crisp tattoo of Larry King.
If Paul were to get a tattoo, where would he put it? He would follow Britney Spear’s lead and get it on his lower back. And what would it be of? Paul says it would read, “Kevin Federline.” Dave laughs and says Paul’s chance of infection is high.
Me? If I were to get a tattoo it would be a battleship on my chest.
Mitt Romney’s campaign headquarters were burglarized this week. It’s just like Watergate. And in the interest of full disclosure, Mitt released a complete list of everything that was taken. We see this announcement.
Items Stolen from Mitt Romney’s Headquarters:
- a 32-inch flat screen TV
- eight laptop computers
- one “World’s Great Mitt” mug
- 3,500 gallons of hair gel”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
We see Harry S Truman.
We see JFK.
We see George W. Bush, addressing Australian Prime Minister John Howard: “We congratulate you on, like, your grandfatherhood.”
ACT 2 TOP TWELVE: REASONS I LOVE RACING. So special is tonight’s top ten, we needed 12 just to contain it. And to present tonight’s Top Twelve list, the NASCAR drivers competing in he Chase for the Nextel Cup. Jimmie Johnson
Jeff Gordon
Tony Stewart
Carl Edwards
Kurt Busch
Denny Hamlin
Martin Truex, Jr.
Matt Kenseth
Kyle Busch
Jeff Burton
Kevin Harvick
Clint Bowyer
It’s cool to have 12 of the best NASCAR drivers on the stage at one time. All are very nice and personable. Plus, it’s fun to drop it in conversation when I’m around NASCAR fans that I met them.
Quickie Quiz: What does NASCAR stand for? Answer:
National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. I’ve been reading up on “NASCAR For Dummies.” I hope to dazzle my brother-in-law when the time is right.
ACT 3 VIGGO MORTENSEN: I didn’t see a bit of this, none at all. I was busy distributing last second, after-the-fact, changes.
Back in November, 2004, I predicted Viggo Mortensen would be the next James Bond. BUZZZZ. I’m writing the following based on one-word notes from someone’s show schedule and filling in the rest based on the segment notes.
Viggo is in the film, Eastern Promises – opening this Friday in selected cities.
Goatee: The goatee Viggo is wearing is for a film he is about to shoot. I said, “Is it about Kentucky Fried Chicken?” Nope. It’s a western entitled, “Appaloosa.” Dave likes westerns. Is there a part available for Dave? There may be a part for an effeminate banker.
Dave had learned that Viggo had once worked as a street vendor in New York City. Viggo wondered how Dave knew that. Dave looks down at the segment sheet in front of him and said, “Uhh, it’s question #3.” Viggo says he operated a Chipwich cart by the Lincoln Tunnel, not a very good location. To sell his load, Viggo would make up his own specials, like two-for-one. Totally unauthorized. Viggo said he wasn’t actually fired, but he and his boss came to a mutual agreement that it would be best if Viggo moved on.
Viggo has a tattoo of the letter H on his wrist. What’s the story behind that? Viggo got the tattoo when his son, Henry, was 5. At the time, he was learning to write words, and specifically, his name, so there were a lot of H’s around the house. Henry would practice writing the letter H wherever he could, including on Viggo. One day, little Henry wrote a “H” on Viggo’s wrist. Viggo liked the way it looked and decided to put it there permanently.
Early work? Viggo once played a shady character in a 1985 episode on “Search For Tomorrow.” The scene takes place in a restaurant or bar. In the clip, we see Viggo mention the town of “San Marcos” a ridiculous number of times. It was pretty funny.
In Viggo’s new film, Eastern Promises, he’s involved in a knife fight in the nude . . . in a steam bath. Just the thought of that makes me nervous. Hopefully the knife was just a prop. I read somewhere that it is quite possibly the longest male nude scene ever in a mainstream Hollywood film. Eastern Promises – it opens this Friday in selected cities.
ACT 4/6 KAT VON D: She’s the star of the TLC program, L.A. Ink, all about tattoos. Kat Von D, short for Katherine Von Drachenberg, got her first tattoo at the age of 14. One of her friends tattooed a ‘J’ on her ankle, for her boyfriend James. At the time, she and her friends would give each other tattoos using a homemade tattoo gun made of an old walkman motor, batteries, and a bass guitar string. By 16, she got a job at a tattoo parlor.
Dave takes a look at some of the tattoos Kat Von D’s body. She estimates that 75% of her body is already covered. Is she done? No. She expects she’ll be getting tattoos throughout her life. Each tattoo tells a story and is sort of a record of her life; a mark in time.
We get a gander of some of Kat’s tattoos. We see a likeness of her dad’s high school photo; an actress, and Beethoven. On her back, is her mom.
(Make your own, “Mom, get off my back!” joke)
Dave and Kat Von D then talk about what to expect when getting a tattoo, from start to finish, including the “ugly duckling” stage. Once you get the tattoo, the body tries to heal the area. The blood and scabbing will last for no more than 2 weeks.
Dave once again scans Kat Von D’s body and likens it to a museum. The tattoos are quite interesting . . . on someone else . . . and not on my daughters. Who knows what my 11-year-old twins will be into when they are old enough to be into something? I hope it’s stamps.
Kat Von D on the TLC. It’s “L.A. Ink”, Tuesdays at 10:00 PM.
ACT 5 Alan Announce: “For tickets to ‘The Tyra Banks Show,’ please send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:
The Tyra Banks Show
c/o Chelsea Studios
221 W. 26th St.
New York, New York 10001.
Welcome to Tyra’s World!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 7 DAUGHTRY: From their new CD, “Daughtry,” Daughter performed “Crashed.”
And that was our show for Wednesday September 12, 2007.
On Tuesday, I left for work at 7:05 A.M. and got in at 9:45. Today I left for work at 7:05 A.M. and got in at 8:20. Each day, you never know.
And the front page story in Wednesday’s USA Today is all about early A.M. commuters. It reports:
“Americans are leaving home earlier and earlier to beat the rush and get to work on time.”
You know, you can read about morning commuting here in the Wahoo Gazette, or wait a few days or a few weeks and you can read about it in the USA Today.
Much like talking about one’s golf game, talking about one’s commute interests nobody but the story teller.
Damn, Red Sox. They’ve won their last two games in the bottom of the 9th. Make them two losses and the Yankees would be 3 games out. Boy, that would make for a fun final two seeks of the season. But the BoSox had to ruin it.
LATE NIGHT, THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. Kat Von D was born March 8, 1982. So what happened on LATE NIGHT the day she was born? Late Night show #21. Open with Larry Bud Melman; New Gift Items; Dr. Ruth Westheimer; Sarcasm; Bob Weide; and Judith Viorst.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Kat Von D was born.
ABC, THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. Kat Von D was born March 8, 1982. So, what was on ABC the day she was born? ABC aired the 3-hour special, “Night of 100 Stars.”
And that’s how we play, “ABC, The Day They Were Born.”
Oh, boy, the New York Knicks are fun again! It’s great reading about them in the New York Post and Daily News. Go, Isiah, Go!
Happy Rosh Hashanah. It’s year 5768. To celebrate, I will include some jokes found on the online Jewish Magazine and elsewhere.
Q. What did the Jewish Mother bank teller say to her customer? A. You never write, you never call, you only come to see me when you need money.
Q. What did the Jewish Mother ask her daughter when she told her she had an affair? A. Who catered it?
Q. What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers smoke? A. Gefiltered
Izzy entered the room all agitated. "There is a new Nazi Party and their manifesto states they intend to kill a million Jews and five Postmen."
"Why five postmen?" somebody asked.
"That's typical," cried Izzy in despair. "Nobody ever cares about the Jews."
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car! The rabbi hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
A car hit a Jewish man.
The paramedic: Are you comfortable?
Jewish man: I make a good living.
One day a Jewish man wakes up late for a new job interview. He quickly takes a shower, eats breakfast, and gets into his car. When he finally gets there he can't find any parking places. He looks and looks, but he just doesn't find one. Finally he prays to G-d and says. "G-d if you find me a parking spot I will go to the temple every Saturday morning and I will never lie again." Two minutes later he finds one and says, "Never mind, I found one!"
Shana Tova!
And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world’s longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . oops, no it isn’t.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Math Professor at the University of Cincinnati, it’s Lawrence Gilligan
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Dave's Larry King Tattoo • Getting To Know Regis Philbin • Mitt Romney's Headquarters Burglary List • Great Moments In Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Top Twelve Reasons I Love Racing Watch now
