". . . and now, the host of 'American Idol' . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Most nights when Dave says we have a great show, he's lying. But not tonight. Tonight we have Don Rickles and Denzel Washington! Dave says even he can't screw up this show.

It didn't start off all that good, though. During the pre-show Q&A, some guy in the audience drop kicked him.
And then during the pre-show Q&A, Dave hears the name of his very first romance; the name of a woman who left him heart-broken for a total of 8 years many years ago; 4 years in high school and 4 in college. Dave has since made contact with the woman, who is doing well and has a wonderful family in Florida. How this drifter in the audience knew of her, Dave doesn't know and doesn't want to know.

Our executive producer Barbara Gaines gets Dave's attention. This can't be good. What is it? Oh, Dave has a phone call on his phony phone. He's been getting radio transmissions from a Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. There's something going down and the lieutenant is in hot pursuit of a possible arson suspect. Odd.

President Bush is in Saudi Arabia right now. Dave worries when the President is out of town. He feels the President sometimes gets disoriented. We see a clip of the President in Saudi Arabia giving a speech. Bush is sitting in a chair . . . just sitting, staring at the camera. He says nothing. He sheepishly smiles. And says nothing. Just sits there.
Dave says the President's writers must be on strike, too.

I missed the entire ACT 1. I was called away to be someplace else.

ACT 2:
Did you read about the story that took place right around the corner from the Ed Sullivan Theater last week? Two guys tried to cash the Social Security check of their friend who had just died. When they went to the check cashing place, they were told the guy had to be present. So they went back to their apartment building and put the dead friend into an office chair and wheeled him over. Unfortunately, the caper didn't work out for them. They were nabbed by the cops before they could cash the check. But that is the inspiration for tonight's Late Show segment, "Can Two Guys and Their Dead Friend In An Office Chair Hail a Cab? " Paul provides a very enjoyable opening theme song to "Can Two Guys and Their Dead Friend In An Office Chair Hail a Cab?"
We go outside to visit our two guys. Playing the two guys: It's me and our head carpenter, Harold! The dead guy? I don't know, but kudos to our booking department. Do you know how hard it is to get a dead guy on a moment's notice in this city? It used to be a lot easier when there were dead guys all over the place, but now with crime down to historical lows, a dead guy is a tough find.
After a quick howdy-do to Harold and I, the camera lowers to reveal a dead guy in an office chair. Dave directs us to try to hail a cab with the dead guy. Harold and I wheel the dead guy into the street and the three of us attempt to get a cab. The raised arm of the dead guy was muscled by Harold. After a few cabs slowed down, examined, then continued on their way, one cab decided to stop for us, as is the law. Harold and I got the dead guy into the back seat and the three of us drove off.
Dave says, "That does my heart good. So if you have a dead buddy, bring him to New York." We'll make him feel right at home.

And now, a peek behind the scenes . We rehearsed this earlier in the day. The rehearsal was done to determine where we should stand (behind the dead guy rather than on each side), where the chair should be situated, and how far out into the street we should go. We also use this time to check our microphones and hearing apparatus.
Other things discussed:
-we would make a clockwise turn when wheeling the dead guy into the street. I would be on the traffic side of the street; Harold would be on the sidewalk side of the street. -Harold and I then discussed how we would get the dead guy into the back seat. I would lift the dead guy. Harold would kick the chair out of the way. I would back in to the back seat pulling the dead guy. Harold would shove the dead guy in. As I sat up the dead guy in the back, Harold would toss the office chair into the trunk. Harold would then hop in the back seat near me or into the front seat. We wanted to keep the dead guy next to the window, exposed to the camera.
-During the commercial break before our bit, I discovered the dead guy was a little heavier than I expected. I would have trouble lifting him while Harold kicked the chair away. It was decided then that we would each grab an arm and one of us would kick the chair away.
-As you saw on the show, it wasn't really a lifting of the dead guy into the cab, but more of a dragging of the dead guy into the car.
-I told the cabbie the guy was sleeping and not to worry. I don't even think he noticed what was going on. He was busy turning on the meter the second my hand hit the door handle.
-When we were all in the car, I said, "Serendipity . . . East 61st and 1st." I don't know if you heard that part. Serendipity is an upscale ice cream store known for their Frozen Hot Chocolates. And they are also known for being shut down by the Health Department for a couple weeks last month.
-Once the cab pulled away, we told him to go to West 51st and Broadway and make a left and return us to where we started. He seemed fine with that.
-And Harold and I and the dead guy remained in the cab for the rest of the show just in case there was a callback.

ACT 3:
DENZEL WASHINGTON : Now America's Favorite Movie Star! A plaque comes with that honor. #2 is Tom Hanks. Not sure where Tom Arnold ranks. Denzel's son is a professional football player with the St. Louis Rams. They went on vacation together and he says to Denzel, "Ever hear of Don Rickles?" Denzel says he has, of course. His son then tells Denzel a Don Rickles joke he heard him say. Says Don, "Is that your wife?" And then Don Rickles turns his head and says, "Oh, geeze." Denzel's son thought it was the funniest thing. Denzel then phoned Don Rickles to have him talk to his son. Mr. Rickles delivered some very funny offensive jabs at the young Washington. If you've seen the HBO special on Don Rickles, you know that being targeted by Don Rickles is quite an honor.
Denzel is the dad of four; two boys and two girls. His son is 23, his daughter is a 20-year-old Ivy Leaguer, and he has 16-year-old twins, one boy, one girl. Oooh, 16-year-olds. Dave knows what it's like to be a 16-year-old boy and Dave knows that Denzel knows what it's like to be a 16-year-old boy. Something happens around that time and KAPOW! LOOK OUT! Something takes over the body and mind of the boy. So of course, a dad has to be a little more protective of his daughter. Denzel says he's more gruff with his son than with his daughter. With his son, it's more like, "Just shut up and get over there." With his daughter, a softer approach is used. Denzel had to give his daughter "the talk." He tried to be as gentle as he could be, explaining the birds and the bees, and feelings these birds have for other birds and bees have for other bees. At one point, his daughter said, "Dad, what are you talking about?"
Denzel gushed, "I don't know. Go ask your mother to explain."

How is Denzel when his daughter brings home a boy to show off to her parents? Denzel says he greets the boys looking disheveled, maybe dressed in his underpants and carrying a snow shovel and shot gun. You want the fellow to think that this girl has a dad who is a bit crazed. His daughter in college has a steady. Nice guy? Denzel says he is very nice, but he has "too many earrings for my taste."

Back from commercial, we see a photo of young Denzel Washington of the St. Louis Rams. Very cool.
Dave and Denzel continue to talk about being a dad. Denzel says, "There's life, and there's making a living." Denzel says he once thought acting was his life, but once you have a family, once that first child comes along, you soon realize that acting is making a living. Family is life. He's got that right.
Denzel starred in the recent film, "American Gangster," about a drug dealer in Harlem who controlled much of the drug trade in the metropolitan area. In his current film, "The Great Debaters," Denzel plays a professor who coaches the debate team at the African American Wiley College from Marshall, Texas. The team eventually goes up against the debate team of Harvard. Denzel says the main difference between the drug dealer he played "American Gangster" and the college professor in "The Great Debaters" was education. Education made all the difference in the direction their lives took.
"The Great Debaters" - in theaters now.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Planning your next vacation? Remember, in New York City, dead tourists are always welcome! We'll see you in the Big Apple, dead or alive! We'll be right back."

ACT 6 :
Hey, Denzel is still here!

DON RICKLES : Mr. Warmth himself. Of course, it is hard to describe an appearance by Don Rickles. His stories are usually interrupted with a lethal barb directed at an innocent bystander.
He leans over to Denzel and says, "You're great, now I'm gonna talk to the dummy." Dave wishes Don a Happy New Year.
DON: "Happy New Year . . . like you care."
Looking over at Denzel, Don then goes back to Dave asks, "Why is he sitting here? Is he here to clean up?" And then, "Why's he want to sit here with a Jew?"
Have you seen the documentary on Don Rickles on the HBO? I saw it a few weeks ago and it was great. Lots of Don; lots of Don's friends talking about Don. Dave is hurt that he was not in the documentary. Why wasn't he? Don says, "It's a shame you were not in it. You're not too big that you weren't in it."
Dave counters, "I wanted to be in it. A guy said he was going to be in town to do an interview but I was going to be away those days. So he said, 'Fine, goodbye.' How do you think that made me feel?"
Don says, without missing a beat, "Bad, I hope."
Any Frank stories? Don sasses Mr. Sinatra, and then adds, "I can talk bad about Frank, because he's dead."
Don looks over at Denzel. Denzel is smiling, just happy to be there. Don says, "That's a good look. Use it in a movie." Don then slouches down and sits with a dazed dead fish-look to show what Denzel looked like. Denzel loves it.
Don tells a story of being on vacation with Frank Sinatra. Also along was Frank's good pal, Gilly. As the night grew old, Frank would always send the wives away to bed. The men stayed up. This was fun, says Don, until you got into the 3rd barrel of vodka. One night the three of them were sitting in the hotel bar and lightening starts to flash outside. An angry Frank bellows, "I want you and Gilly to go out and tell those photographers to stop taking my picture!" They went outside and luckily the storm soon passed. Don and Gilly returned, mission accomplished.

Don was big in the Vegas show business. Dave asks if he was aware of the mafia influence. He says, "The casinos and clubs were owned by Jews and we would do what they told us."
Before saying goodnight, Dave asks Don to tell the story of how Frank Sinatra saved Shecky Green's s life. I believe Dave had asked Tom Dreesen to tell the same story. If I like a story, I'm happy to hear it over and over, too.
The comedian Shecky Green had been saying some things in his act he shouldn't have. He was cracking on people who should have been . . . . not mentioned. So one day some people took Shecky into a back alley and gave him a tune up. After 10 minutes, Frank came by and said, "OK, boys, that's enough."

"Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project" - coming out on DVD February 19th.

And that was our show for Tuesday, January 15, 2008 .



I was watching a little of the "American Idol " last night. My idea: We have our regular F.U. guy on our show for Wednesday. He gets mad at Dave and finishes with, " . . . and if you don't believe me, maybe you'll believe my wife."
The woman from Allentown, PA on Tuesday's "American Idol" enters and vents her frustration to Dave, then F.U.'s Alan, Paul, and Dave, just like she did to Simon Cowell. They exit.
If I ruled the world, that's what I would do.

My daughter raised a very good point the other day. She's watching the Golden Globes news conference and asked, "Why is there a Best Actress category and a Best Actor category? There should only be one." At first I thought the question to be simplistic and easy to answer, but the more I thought of it the more I wondered the same. What is the reason for the two categories, forgetting the fact that the Award shows are simply a way for Hollywood to advertise itself?

I'm really liking these Shockey-less Giants.

Yesterday I wanted to listen to local Green Bay Packer talk to hear what they were thinking about the New York Giants. I found SportsRadio 1250 WSSP in Milwaukee, but they were talking Brewers baseball. Now I love baseball-talk much more than football-talk but this is the playoffs. I want football talk. Upon further looking, I found WDUZ - The Fan on 107.5 FM and 1400 AM. They were talking Green Bay football. And those knuckleheads on that station think the Packers are going to win! Are they nuts?

I heard this on New York local radio: "The Packers hold a 4-1 margin over the New York Giants when they meet in the playoffs." He said this as if it was something to consider when trying to choose what team to pick in this week's game. I'm a Giants fan, but I couldn't recall the last time the Pack and the Jints met in the playoffs. So I decided to check out this bit of information.
Uh huh, just as I thought. This is the history of the Packers and the Giants in the playoffs. Keep this in mind when you are trying to decide on what team you want to plunk down your money "20 times."
1962: Packers 16; Giants 7
1961: Packers 37; Giants 0
1944: Packers 14; Giants 7
1939: Packers 27; Giants 0
1938: Giants 23; Packers 17.
I was going to bet the Giants, but that 1961 game when the Packers beat the Giants 37-0 changed my mind.

Whoa, this can't be right. Former Brooklyn Dodger pitcher Johnny Podres died the other day at the age of 75. He pitched the 2-0 win vs. the New York Yankees in Game 7 of the 1955 World Series to bring the Boys of Summer their only World Series Championship. And then on Monday, former New York Met pitcher Don Caldwell died at the age of 72. Caldwell was on the 1969 Mets. I can still see his windup where he would turn his back to the batter to show his #27. This is what I don't get. I remember watching Don Caldwell pitch. He is in my memory. I grew up watching him pitch for the Mets. Johnny Podres played long before I had a working memory. Podres was in the Majors so long ago he played in black and white. And yet they were nearly the same age. One guy was ancient history; the other a contemporary. At least that's the way I remember it.

While you watch the Late Show, keep in mind there is still a Writers Strike going on. Check out the following to keep in the know.
www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
www.Wga.org - the writers union, west
www.wgaeast.org - the writers union, east
www.amptp.org - the "other" side of the writers - the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers
www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com - Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly - this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette.
www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com - a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Eugene, Oregon, it's Patricia Frasure
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER