DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Al Franken; Lauren Conrad; The Cribs. PLUS:Tick Talk; Today’s Secret Ingredient; the New York Income Tax Form; McCain in Iraq; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Barack Obama ‘Uh’ Count; What’s In The Soup; and a Top Ten List.
“ . . . . and now, disgraced public servant . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Dave recaps the Horror of Tick. Monday night before the show, he discovered a tick had invaded his back. Going to the best, Dave asked our makeup person Michele O’Callaghan if she could dig it out. She did, but only got part of the tick removed. The head was still embedded. This was followed up with Dr. Lou Aronne being called in. He was able to carve out the critter. But had the germ been released? Dave looks a bit loony and crazed, but that may just be Dave.
And for my records, this image of Dave will be listed in my database under “Odd Dave.”
Dave was getting ready to do his taxes and noticed something odd on the New York State Income Tax form. Dave holds up the form. Right there at #5 is a line for “Income Earned by Having Sex With the Governor.”
Hey! Hey! What is tonight’s secret ingredient? We see a clip from “Iron Chef America” and learn the secret ingredient tonight is . . . . . . . . . spinach!
John McCain visited Iraq and there was an immediate response. We take a look.
We see Osama bin Laden from his cave. Osama: “Al Qaeda denounces the visit to Iraq by the evil crusader, John McCain. Also, McCain is so old, when he was in school, there was no history class.
McCain is so old, he took his driver’s test on a dinosaur.
McCain is so old, his Social Security number is 1!”
Oh, that Osama!
You know, you gotta look out for the bull’s eye rash. You can come down with the Lime Tick Fever. Dave thinks he may have it, but isn’t sure. And he’s learned that you can have the Lime Tick Fever but remain asymptomatic. It’s always something, isn’t it?
The potential lime disease reminds Dave of the time he was at a family picnic and they lost mom. They finally found her on the edge of the woods passed out. A deer was licking the salt off her lips from the margaritas.
It’s now time for the “Barack Obama ‘Uh’ Count.” We see Senator Obama from an interview last week. I missed how many “uhs” he uttered. I was concentrating on the lamp in the background. For some reason, I’m always checking out the background in lieu of the foreground.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “Uh, we, uhh, first of all . . .uhhh uhhh”
ACT 2:
Back from commercial, we find Dave standing behind his desk. He makes the suggestion that when he stands, those at home may want to stand as well. And when Dave then sits, those at home could do the same. It would give a sense of immediacy and intimacy. Dave then sits.
I suggested to no one in particular that Dave should stand in the middle of the Al Franken segment. And no one took my suggestion.
WHAT’S IN THE SOUP?
It’s something new here at the LATE SHOW, I think. We pay a visit to Rupert at the Hello Deli. Dave asks him if he prefers “Rupert” or simply “Rupe.” Rupert doesn’t care either way, say Dave calls him “Rupe.” While Rupert goes to find a contestant, Alan Kalter tells us what is in the soup tonight. Alan: “Hi, I’m TV’s Gay Chef. In the soup tonight is a clock radio.”
And what are we playing for? Alan: “Dave, tonight we’re playing for a blender!”
Dave wonders aloud to Alan, “Why not let the contestant keep the clock radio as well?” Alan wisely answers with the non-answer, “It’s your show.”
Playing tonight: Brantley, from Dallas, Texas. After a bit of teasing about the Cowboys playoff loss to the Super Bowl New York Giants, Dave instructs Rupert to apply the blindfold on Brantley. Dave then tells Brantley to stick his hands into Rupert’s red soup to try to determine the object in the soup. Brantley sticks his hands into the soup . . . . . . and then screams in pain at the steaming hot soup that scalded his searching hands. “Ow! It’s hot!” Brantley takes off his blindfold. “It’s not funny! I’m going to sue you!” Brantley storms out of the Hello Deli. Rupert doesn’t know what to say. He is dumbstruck.
And that’s how we play, “What’s In The Soup?”
The biggest surprise here . . . . that Rupert’s soup was hot.
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave realizes he never called in the girls at the conclusion of “What’s In The Soup?” What did we have for Brantley, girls? The LATE SHOW models enter with a Hello Deli deli platter and a blender. Oh, too bad. If only Brantley was able to get it right . . . . . . .
TOP TEN: Signs Your Monkey is Too Fat – An A.P. story today reports that zoos are hiring nutritionists and dieticians to keep their animals from becoming too fat and lethargic. #6. Last Halloween, put on a pair of earrings and went as Kirstie Alley.
AL FRANKEN: a candidate for United States Senator from the great state of Minnesota.
Al wants to clarify something before we begin. The last time he was here, Dave and Al established that Al was a satirist and Dave was a clown. Upon viewing that episode, Franken says it may have appeared as if he was saying the satirist is more important than the clown. That is not the case. The clown provides laughter. We need laughter. The satirist provides laughter, too, but he also makes the listener think. The clown, Dave, provides mindless laughter. Both are equally as important.
What does Mr. Franken think of the New York Governor being involved with an escort service? He says it was an obvious choice in bad judgment and Franken says if he is elected Senator, he promises not to make any judgments that bad.
Al has been hard at work campaigning in Minnesota and feels very lucky to have his wife Frannie by his side in support. Everyone likes Frannie. But now Al is afraid the people like her than him. But that’s OK. He just doesn’t want to hear about it at every stop he makes. He suggests they keep it to themselves or just tell her. He’s proud of his wife, but it’s starting to work on his morale. And now the same thing is starting to happen with his daughter. She is getting a lot of the high praise.
“Al Franken: First In Minnesota; Third In His Family.”
Al has recently come out with a new campaign commercial featuring his 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Molin. We see the commercial and it is very sweet. Mrs. Molin has become quite popular in Minnesota since it came out and she received a lovely letter from a former student. It was from a student who had Mrs. Molin many years ago. The student admits to not being a very good student that year in 4th grade; some problems stemming from trouble at home and her parents going through a divorce. Mrs. Molin learned that the student enjoyed art and invited her to help out with some painting for the class. The student says how Mrs. Molin made her feel special and loved. That feeling always remained with her through all those years. Franken feels that the “No Child Left Behind” mantra in our schools today, with the goal of making students achieve a certain score on standardized tests, forces the teacher to “teach to the test” and not to the student. If there was the “No Child Left Behind” in our schools years ago, perhaps Mrs. Molin wouldn’t have learned of her student’s love of art and that student wouldn’t have had the good experience in schooling. That student is a teacher today.
ACT 5: Announce: “Wednesday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Brooke Shields, from SNL Seth Meyers, music from the Gutter Twins, and a special Top Ten presented by the cast of Battlestar Galactica. Somebody call Guinness! This is one for the record books!”
ACT 6: LAUREN CONRAD: She’s from the MTV reality show, “The Hills.” Lauren grew up in the L.A. area. Ever get any ticks? Laruen says ticks were a common consequence with being a tomboy in Orange County. I wonder if she carried on like Dave?
Lauren first became a reality star on MTV’s “Laguna Beach: the Real Orange County” and is now on “The Hills.” I must admit, I know nothing about “Laguna” or “The Hills.” When I got home last night, I asked my 12-yeare-old daughter Dominique if she knew Lauren Conrad. She said, matter-of-factly, “Yeah, she’s on ‘The Hills.’” Dominique then gave a 5-minute recap of Lauren, Spencer, and Heidi. I was more than a bit surprised. I thought she was just a fan of the Flavor Flav on VH1.
During the segment, Dave uses the word “frenemies,” meaning half-friend, half-enemy, or maybe former friend, now an enemy. I laughed, because I just saw that word for the first time somewhere earlier that day. At home when my girls are on the computer, I’ll announce, “P.I.R.” It’s my way of letting them know I’m in the know.
Lauren Conrad – find her on “The Hills” – Monday on MTV at 10:00 PM.
ACT 7: THE CRIBS: From their new album, “Men’s Needs, Women’s Needs, Whatever”, The Cribs performed “I’m A Realist.”
And that was our show for Monday March 18, 2008.
You know you’re getting old when the music on the Classic Rock station is “too new.”
I went to a garage sale this past weekend. It was nearly my favorite kind; lone elderly woman with a lot of old stuff. It would have been perfect except she didn’t have a basement or a garage. I ended up buying a Handy-Hannah. Anybody? The Handy-Hannah is a 1950s hand-held blow-dryer; light blue in color and blows a gentle breeze. I got it for a buck. The woman says she found it while cleaning out her attic. I love it. It looks to be one of the first hand-held hairdryers for home use. I got it as a conversation piece. I’ll probably put it in my attic.
I don’t follow the politics but this Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton chase is crazy. Whenever I think it’ll be Barack, I’ll soon feel it’ll be Hillary. And when I think Hillary’s the one, something tells me it’ll be Barack. It makes for a great reality series.
And now it’s time for another installment of “Late Night The Day They Were Born.” Lauren Conrad was born on February 1, 1986. So, what happened on Late Night the day Lauren Conrad was born? Late Night, February 1, 1986: It was Late Night’s Fourth Anniversary Special! A 90-minute show!
We broadcast on board a 747 enroute to Miami. This broadcast earned the writing staff an Emmy.
This concludes another installment of “Late Night The Day They Were Born.”
A special thanks to Arthur Donzarelli for his help in putting this together.
Do you know what Thursday, March 20th is? It’s Sweater Day, to celebrate what would have been Mr. Rogers, of “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood,” 80th birthday.
To honor him, his friends from the ’hood are asking fans of “Mister Rogers Neighborhood” to wear their favorite sweater this Thursday. Mr. Rogers’ delivery man and sidekick, Mr. McFeely, is promoting the idea on youtube.com.
I’ll be wearing my cardigan. And I’ll be wearing my boat sneakers, too.
Can you fill in the missing lines?
“It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?”
What line comes next?
Answer: “Could you be mine?”
“It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood”
What line comes next?
Answer: “A neighborly day for a beauty.” Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...
With the Euro growing stronger and stronger against the United States dollar, those e-mails I’m getting of my winning a Belgian lottery or being named in the will of a deceased Duke are becoming more tempting. All they want is my bank account number and I’m in line for millions! They’ll deposit it directly for me!
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s her birthday on Wednesday, from Yonkers, New York, it’s Josephine McIntee McGrath. Happy Birthday, Aunt Jo!
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Al Franken; Lauren Conrad; The Cribs. PLUS:Tick Talk; Today’s Secret Ingredient; the New York Income Tax Form; McCain in Iraq; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Barack Obama ‘Uh’ Count; What’s In The Soup; and a Top Ten List.
“ . . . . and now, disgraced public servant . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Dave recaps the Horror of Tick. Monday night before the show, he discovered a tick had invaded his back. Going to the best, Dave asked our makeup person Michele O’Callaghan if she could dig it out. She did, but only got part of the tick removed. The head was still embedded. This was followed up with Dr. Lou Aronne being called in. He was able to carve out the critter. But had the germ been released? Dave looks a bit loony and crazed, but that may just be Dave.
And for my records, this image of Dave will be listed in my database under “Odd Dave.”
Dave was getting ready to do his taxes and noticed something odd on the New York State Income Tax form. Dave holds up the form. Right there at #5 is a line for “Income Earned by Having Sex With the Governor.”
Hey! Hey! What is tonight’s secret ingredient? We see a clip from “Iron Chef America” and learn the secret ingredient tonight is . . . . . . . . . spinach!
John McCain visited Iraq and there was an immediate response. We take a look.
We see Osama bin Laden from his cave. Osama: “Al Qaeda denounces the visit to Iraq by the evil crusader, John McCain. Also, McCain is so old, when he was in school, there was no history class.
McCain is so old, he took his driver’s test on a dinosaur.
McCain is so old, his Social Security number is 1!”
Oh, that Osama!
You know, you gotta look out for the bull’s eye rash. You can come down with the Lime Tick Fever. Dave thinks he may have it, but isn’t sure. And he’s learned that you can have the Lime Tick Fever but remain asymptomatic. It’s always something, isn’t it?
The potential lime disease reminds Dave of the time he was at a family picnic and they lost mom. They finally found her on the edge of the woods passed out. A deer was licking the salt off her lips from the margaritas.
It’s now time for the “Barack Obama ‘Uh’ Count.” We see Senator Obama from an interview last week. I missed how many “uhs” he uttered. I was concentrating on the lamp in the background. For some reason, I’m always checking out the background in lieu of the foreground.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “Uh, we, uhh, first of all . . .uhhh uhhh”
ACT 2:
Back from commercial, we find Dave standing behind his desk. He makes the suggestion that when he stands, those at home may want to stand as well. And when Dave then sits, those at home could do the same. It would give a sense of immediacy and intimacy. Dave then sits.
I suggested to no one in particular that Dave should stand in the middle of the Al Franken segment. And no one took my suggestion.
WHAT’S IN THE SOUP?
It’s something new here at the LATE SHOW, I think. We pay a visit to Rupert at the Hello Deli. Dave asks him if he prefers “Rupert” or simply “Rupe.” Rupert doesn’t care either way, say Dave calls him “Rupe.” While Rupert goes to find a contestant, Alan Kalter tells us what is in the soup tonight. Alan: “Hi, I’m TV’s Gay Chef. In the soup tonight is a clock radio.”
And what are we playing for? Alan: “Dave, tonight we’re playing for a blender!”
Dave wonders aloud to Alan, “Why not let the contestant keep the clock radio as well?” Alan wisely answers with the non-answer, “It’s your show.”
Playing tonight: Brantley, from Dallas, Texas. After a bit of teasing about the Cowboys playoff loss to the Super Bowl New York Giants, Dave instructs Rupert to apply the blindfold on Brantley. Dave then tells Brantley to stick his hands into Rupert’s red soup to try to determine the object in the soup. Brantley sticks his hands into the soup . . . . . . and then screams in pain at the steaming hot soup that scalded his searching hands. “Ow! It’s hot!” Brantley takes off his blindfold. “It’s not funny! I’m going to sue you!” Brantley storms out of the Hello Deli. Rupert doesn’t know what to say. He is dumbstruck.
And that’s how we play, “What’s In The Soup?”
The biggest surprise here . . . . that Rupert’s soup was hot.
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave realizes he never called in the girls at the conclusion of “What’s In The Soup?” What did we have for Brantley, girls? The LATE SHOW models enter with a Hello Deli deli platter and a blender. Oh, too bad. If only Brantley was able to get it right . . . . . . .
TOP TEN: Signs Your Monkey is Too Fat – An A.P. story today reports that zoos are hiring nutritionists and dieticians to keep their animals from becoming too fat and lethargic. #6. Last Halloween, put on a pair of earrings and went as Kirstie Alley.
AL FRANKEN: a candidate for United States Senator from the great state of Minnesota.
Al wants to clarify something before we begin. The last time he was here, Dave and Al established that Al was a satirist and Dave was a clown. Upon viewing that episode, Franken says it may have appeared as if he was saying the satirist is more important than the clown. That is not the case. The clown provides laughter. We need laughter. The satirist provides laughter, too, but he also makes the listener think. The clown, Dave, provides mindless laughter. Both are equally as important.
What does Mr. Franken think of the New York Governor being involved with an escort service? He says it was an obvious choice in bad judgment and Franken says if he is elected Senator, he promises not to make any judgments that bad.
Al has been hard at work campaigning in Minnesota and feels very lucky to have his wife Frannie by his side in support. Everyone likes Frannie. But now Al is afraid the people like her than him. But that’s OK. He just doesn’t want to hear about it at every stop he makes. He suggests they keep it to themselves or just tell her. He’s proud of his wife, but it’s starting to work on his morale. And now the same thing is starting to happen with his daughter. She is getting a lot of the high praise.
“Al Franken: First In Minnesota; Third In His Family.”
Al has recently come out with a new campaign commercial featuring his 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Molin. We see the commercial and it is very sweet. Mrs. Molin has become quite popular in Minnesota since it came out and she received a lovely letter from a former student. It was from a student who had Mrs. Molin many years ago. The student admits to not being a very good student that year in 4th grade; some problems stemming from trouble at home and her parents going through a divorce. Mrs. Molin learned that the student enjoyed art and invited her to help out with some painting for the class. The student says how Mrs. Molin made her feel special and loved. That feeling always remained with her through all those years. Franken feels that the “No Child Left Behind” mantra in our schools today, with the goal of making students achieve a certain score on standardized tests, forces the teacher to “teach to the test” and not to the student. If there was the “No Child Left Behind” in our schools years ago, perhaps Mrs. Molin wouldn’t have learned of her student’s love of art and that student wouldn’t have had the good experience in schooling. That student is a teacher today.
ACT 5: Announce: “Wednesday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Brooke Shields, from SNL Seth Meyers, music from the Gutter Twins, and a special Top Ten presented by the cast of Battlestar Galactica. Somebody call Guinness! This is one for the record books!”
ACT 6: LAUREN CONRAD: She’s from the MTV reality show, “The Hills.” Lauren grew up in the L.A. area. Ever get any ticks? Laruen says ticks were a common consequence with being a tomboy in Orange County. I wonder if she carried on like Dave?
Lauren first became a reality star on MTV’s “Laguna Beach: the Real Orange County” and is now on “The Hills.” I must admit, I know nothing about “Laguna” or “The Hills.” When I got home last night, I asked my 12-yeare-old daughter Dominique if she knew Lauren Conrad. She said, matter-of-factly, “Yeah, she’s on ‘The Hills.’” Dominique then gave a 5-minute recap of Lauren, Spencer, and Heidi. I was more than a bit surprised. I thought she was just a fan of the Flavor Flav on VH1.
During the segment, Dave uses the word “frenemies,” meaning half-friend, half-enemy, or maybe former friend, now an enemy. I laughed, because I just saw that word for the first time somewhere earlier that day. At home when my girls are on the computer, I’ll announce, “P.I.R.” It’s my way of letting them know I’m in the know.
Lauren Conrad – find her on “The Hills” – Monday on MTV at 10:00 PM.
ACT 7: THE CRIBS: From their new album, “Men’s Needs, Women’s Needs, Whatever”, The Cribs performed “I’m A Realist.”
And that was our show for Monday March 18, 2008.
You know you’re getting old when the music on the Classic Rock station is “too new.”
I went to a garage sale this past weekend. It was nearly my favorite kind; lone elderly woman with a lot of old stuff. It would have been perfect except she didn’t have a basement or a garage. I ended up buying a Handy-Hannah. Anybody? The Handy-Hannah is a 1950s hand-held blow-dryer; light blue in color and blows a gentle breeze. I got it for a buck. The woman says she found it while cleaning out her attic. I love it. It looks to be one of the first hand-held hairdryers for home use. I got it as a conversation piece. I’ll probably put it in my attic.
I don’t follow the politics but this Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton chase is crazy. Whenever I think it’ll be Barack, I’ll soon feel it’ll be Hillary. And when I think Hillary’s the one, something tells me it’ll be Barack. It makes for a great reality series.
And now it’s time for another installment of “Late Night The Day They Were Born.” Lauren Conrad was born on February 1, 1986. So, what happened on Late Night the day Lauren Conrad was born? Late Night, February 1, 1986: It was Late Night’s Fourth Anniversary Special! A 90-minute show!
We broadcast on board a 747 enroute to Miami. This broadcast earned the writing staff an Emmy.
This concludes another installment of “Late Night The Day They Were Born.”
A special thanks to Arthur Donzarelli for his help in putting this together.
Do you know what Thursday, March 20th is? It’s Sweater Day, to celebrate what would have been Mr. Rogers, of “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood,” 80th birthday.
To honor him, his friends from the ’hood are asking fans of “Mister Rogers Neighborhood” to wear their favorite sweater this Thursday. Mr. Rogers’ delivery man and sidekick, Mr. McFeely, is promoting the idea on youtube.com.
I’ll be wearing my cardigan. And I’ll be wearing my boat sneakers, too.
Can you fill in the missing lines?
“It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?”
What line comes next?
Answer: “Could you be mine?”
“It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood”
What line comes next?
Answer: “A neighborly day for a beauty.” Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...
With the Euro growing stronger and stronger against the United States dollar, those e-mails I’m getting of my winning a Belgian lottery or being named in the will of a deceased Duke are becoming more tempting. All they want is my bank account number and I’m in line for millions! They’ll deposit it directly for me!
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s her birthday on Wednesday, from Yonkers, New York, it’s Josephine McIntee McGrath. Happy Birthday, Aunt Jo!
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • New York State Income Tax Form • What's Today's Secret Ingredient? • Osama's John McCain "So Old" Jokes • Obama "Uh" Count • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • What's In The Soup?
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs Your Monkey Is Too Fat Read now
