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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Jimmy Kimmel; Master Magician Lance Burton; and Jimmy Eat World. PLUS:The Premiere of Late Show Magician Week; Dave’s Bit o’ Magic; Great Moments in Magic; Cinco de Mayo; “American Experience”; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show Prize Giveaway!; and a Special Top Ten with Senator Hillary Clinton.
“ . . . and now, endangered bivalve mollusk . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
What a week we have in store here at 1697 Broadway. It’s “Late Show Magician Week!” And in preparation of the extravaganza, Dave has been working on his own trick. He demonstrates. The lights dim; Paul plays swami music; Dave goes into a trance. After great concentration, Dave makes the coffee mug on the edge of his desk . . . . levitate! Unbelievable! And you almost couldn’t see the string!
And in honor of Magician Week, we are debuting a brand new segment, entitled “Great Moments in Magic.” Announce: “Although he was considered the greatest escape artist of his time, on April 9, 1895 . . . Harry Houdini could not get out of going antiquing with his wife, Bess.
This has been ‘Great Moments in Magic.’”
And today is Cinco de Mayo! Who knew it was such a big deal here in the United States? Dave holds up U.S. currency he got at the bank this morning. It’s a 5-dollar bill. Lincoln? He’s wearing a sombrero!
- Mexican music fanfare from Paul;
- Announce: “That was muy muy hilarioso, Dave! Gracias!”
The PBS documentary series, “American Experience” debuted a two-part profile of George Herbert Walker Bush earlier tonight. Dave found it fascinating and shows a clip. Announce: “In February of 1981, newly-inaugurated Vice President Bush was granted an audience with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. This meeting took an awkward turn with Prince Philip mistook Barbara Bush for old-time wrestling great, Big Swede Hansen.
‘American Experience’ will return after these messages.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “So this guy calls and, like, says, ‘You gotta pick the rug.’ Huh?”
ACT 2:
Dave is concerned. Something is not right in the world and wonders if it is him, or if it is people at large. Dave is worried it might be him, but isn’t convinced. Dave was on a flight returning to New York. It was 12:30 AM in the night. He sensed the plane was not making any progress and wondered if they were even moving. He relayed this to the stewardess. The stewardess pretended to listen and be interested in what Dave had to say. She went to the cockpit and returned and told Dave, “We’re holding.” Holding? Dave didn’t quite understand how there could be air traffic at 12:30 AM. He offers that back to the stewardess. She says, “I’ll bet it’s because this is New York.” And then she made a face. She pursed up her face, just a quick scrunching. Did Dave deserve that? Did he deserve the purse? He’s confused.
TOP TEN: Reasons Hillary Clinton Loves America – and to present tonight’s Top Ten list via satellite, it’s Senator Hillary Clinton!
10. We have more Dakotas than every other country combined.
9. Canadian bacon: soggy and chewy. American bacon: crisp and delicious!
8. Thanks to the internet, I can order new pantsuits 24/7. There’s your pantsuit joke, Dave. Are you happy?
7. 232 years and not one cookie shortage
6. TIVO
5. Did I mention the soup? Mmmm, soup.
4. Did you know former President Teddy Roosevelt was an American?
3. Where else can you get a car painted for $29.95?
2. Is this the part where I say, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”?
1. Apparently, anyone can get a talk show.
ACT 3: JIMMY KIMMEL – he’s the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! seen at 12:05 AM Monday through Friday . . . or to be exact, Tuesday through Saturday. He and the show recently celebrated their 5th anniversary. Congratulations to Jimmy and the crew.
What has Jimmy learned after 5 years of being a talk show host? Mr. Kimmel says it involves a whole lot of lying, much more than he ever anticipated. It’s a bit of information Dave didn’t offer 5-and-a-half years ago when Jimmy last visited. Jimmy says you have to lie about liking certain movies, TV shows, and guests. Jimmy laments that he has become the biggest liar. Perhaps he should go into politics. Jimmy a liar? I guess that explains the name of his show; Jimmy Kimmel Live! Kimmel offers an example of his need to lie on the show. Recently, Def Leppard was a musical guest on the show. Jimmy found himself bopping and swaying during the song. He admits he was only bopping and swaying just in case Mr. Leppard looked over his way. And truth be told, Jimmy says he wasn’t much of a fan of Def Leppard back when they were new, so their reunion isn’t much of a “Yee-ha!” in his book.
Dave is amused by the story and laughs a knowing laugh. He looks Kimmel in the eye and says from the heart, “But, Jimmy, you know I really like you.”
Kimmel answers, “Well, thank you, but I can’t really believe you.”
Jimmy grew up in Las Vegas and there were times he found himself near big-time celebs when he least expected. When younger, Jimmy had joined a gym on the outskirts of town, who do you think was a member of the same gym? Siegfried of Siegfried and Roy! Jimmy would watch Siegfried come into the gym, do 4 sit-ups, and then go sit in the Jacuzzi by the showers the rest of the day. Jimmy could never understand why Siegfried would join a gym just to sit in a Jacuzzi by the shower . . . but then he figured it out. Now THAT’s the story I want to hear . . . . what did Siegfried do that made Jimmy “figure it out”? It would be a great story and it probably wouldn’t need any lying, either.
What’s Jimmy doing in New York. He says he busy promoting the blockbuster “Iron Man.” Dave didn’t realize that Jimmy was in the movie. Kimmel says he isn’t, but really liked the movie and recommends we all go out to see it.
Dave thanks Jimmy for stopping by and offers him an opportunity to plug his own show. Jimmy reservedly gushes, “Watch my show . . . and understand that I don’t really mean a lot of what I say.”
Jimmy Kimmel – very funny. I like him a lot.
ACT 4:
This is always exciting . . . it’s the LATE SHOW PRIZE GIVEAWAY! Alan tells us what the audience could win tonight. ALAN: “Thanks, Chevy. Everyone in our studio audience tonight will win one of three fantastic prizes:
- a Sharp 50-inch LCD TV! Enjoy your favorite movies and shows in dazzling high-definition!
- A Sony PlayStation 3! It’s the cutting-edge video game system everyone wants!
- Or $1000 cash! Pay off debt or treat yourself to something special! It’s up to you!”
The scrim rises and we see Pat Farmer by the LATE SHOW Prize Wheel. He gives it a spin and it goes round and round and round. Uh oh. The wheel falls off . . . and rolls out the door out onto 53rd Street. Biff gives chase but can’t catch up. The wheel continues to roll west towards 8th Avenue. Pedestrians dodge out of the way. One elderly Asian man curses the rolling wheel, “Damn you, Prize Wheel!” The wheel continues, making a right onto 8th. There it stops to admire a young lovely with a compact. The wheel gets back to business and rolls through a restaurant on its way to the ABC building. Down the hall it rolls onto the stage of . . . . . the Regis and Kelly show. We find Regis walking across the stage and the Prize Wheel makes a bee-line for the A.M. Emmy-winning star. It crushes the Notre Dame grad, leaving him out cold on the floor.
But don’t worry. I’m being told he is OK. We better take the Prize Wheel back to the shop. We had it programmed to attack Matt Lauer.
ACT 5: Announce: “Guess what, America? It’s Late Show Magician Week!
Magician Week continues on Tuesday with the Comedy Magic of Mac King.
Wednesday, the X-Treme Magic of Dirk Arthur.
Thursday, the Real Magic of Steve Wyrick.
And on Friday, Penn & Teller.
Late Show Magician Week! You won’t believe what pops out of our hat!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: LANCE BURTON: the Master Magician amazes audiences nightly at the Monte Carlo Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.
- He has twice been named “Magician of the Year” by the Academy of Magical Arts.
- In 1996, Mr. Burton signed a 13-year contract to star in his own show at the Lance Burton Theater in the Monte Carlo Casino. This 13-year contract is the longest legal agreement ever given to any entertainer in Las Vegas history.
- Lance bears the title “Master Magician.” In 1994, Lance Burton was given the honor of having the ‘Mantle of Magic’ passed to him from Master Magician Lee Grabel which made Lance the new member of what has been called “The Royal Dynasty of Magic.” This honor has been passed in an unbroken line beginning from Kellar to Thurston in 1908, to Dante in 1936, to Lee Grabel in 1955, to Lance Burton in 1994.
- www.lanceburton.com
Tonight’s trick, Lance took the audience behind the scenes to view his performance from backstage. We learn the secrets to the “Purple Box of Mystery.” Or do we? How did Lance get from under the table to back in the Purple Box of Mystery? The only way to find out is by turning your TV upside down and watching it in slo-motion reverse. Then it will become obvious.
After the performance, I had an irresistible desire to go shopping at Shop Rite.
ACT 7: JIMMY EAT WORLD: From their CD, “Chase This Light,” Jimmy Eat World performed “Let It Happen.”
And that was our show for Monday May 5, 2008.
My girls played in a basketball tournament this weekend consisting of 5 games. I don’t know much about basketball, so you need to tell me something: Why do 12-year-old girls shoot foul shots better than 50% of those in the NBA? How can that be?
And why are the loudest parents in the stands the ones who know the least about the game of basketball?
I never made it to the OTB on Saturday to plunk down $50 on the Kentucky Derby. My lazy attitude made me $50 richer.
But I watched the race at home. It was known immediately that the #20 horse, and favorite, Big Brown won the race. Those who bet Big Brown to win were elated. But do the people at NBC think that’s the only bet on the card? There are “place” bets and “show” bets and exactas and trifectas and on and on. Not till 10 minutes after the finish, and then a wait through the commercials, did NBC put up the results for the betting man and woman. My wife Denise said they probably were going to wait until after the commercial but I knew NBC would never do that. They would at least put up the first three finishers with a bold print of “Unofficial Results” before going to commercial, I thought. WRONG! NBC forced the viewer to sit ten minutes, plus commercials, to find out first, second, and third. Boooooo! Bad bad NBC.
How would you feel if you bet the Trifecta and had the first two right, 20-5, but had to wait 15 minutes to find out if you lost $10 or won thousands?
Senator Barack Obama won the Democratic caucus in Guam this weekend, and as everyone knows: As Guam goes, so goes the country.
Cinco de Mayo – so what is it? It’s a celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day, right? BUZZ! No, it’s not. Mexico’s Independence Day is September 16, 1821.
Cinco de Mayo? It honors a Mexican victory over the French army in 1862. Following Mexico’s gaining independence from Spain, the government needed help from other countries so they borrowed money. Eventually, those countries needed to be paid back. Spain, England, and France sent their armies to collect. Soon after landing, the leaders of Spain and England called their troops back home. French leader Napoleon III went ahead his plan to get what was theirs. Near the town of Puebla, 6,000 French troops met 2,000 Mexican soldiers. Though outnumbered, the Mexican fighters forced the French to retreat. The Battle of Puebla prevented the French army from taking over the capital of Mexico, Mexico City.
The Battle of Puebla has become a symbol to the Mexican people of their toughness, independence, and bravery.
And that’s the story of Cinco de Mayo. It is not Mexico’s Independence Day. Now YOU know the REST of the story.
Many believe that Iron Man will be the big blockbuster of the summer. Wrong . . . at least here in the northeast it is wrong. Here the big blockbuster promises to be the McGreevy divorce case. It opened today.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Executive Producer of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and one of the best people in all of show business, it’s Jill Leiderman.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Jimmy Kimmel; Master Magician Lance Burton; and Jimmy Eat World. PLUS:The Premiere of Late Show Magician Week; Dave’s Bit o’ Magic; Great Moments in Magic; Cinco de Mayo; “American Experience”; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; the Late Show Prize Giveaway!; and a Special Top Ten with Senator Hillary Clinton.
“ . . . and now, endangered bivalve mollusk . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
What a week we have in store here at 1697 Broadway. It’s “Late Show Magician Week!” And in preparation of the extravaganza, Dave has been working on his own trick. He demonstrates. The lights dim; Paul plays swami music; Dave goes into a trance. After great concentration, Dave makes the coffee mug on the edge of his desk . . . . levitate! Unbelievable! And you almost couldn’t see the string!
And in honor of Magician Week, we are debuting a brand new segment, entitled “Great Moments in Magic.” Announce: “Although he was considered the greatest escape artist of his time, on April 9, 1895 . . . Harry Houdini could not get out of going antiquing with his wife, Bess.
This has been ‘Great Moments in Magic.’”
And today is Cinco de Mayo! Who knew it was such a big deal here in the United States? Dave holds up U.S. currency he got at the bank this morning. It’s a 5-dollar bill. Lincoln? He’s wearing a sombrero!
- Mexican music fanfare from Paul;
- Announce: “That was muy muy hilarioso, Dave! Gracias!”
The PBS documentary series, “American Experience” debuted a two-part profile of George Herbert Walker Bush earlier tonight. Dave found it fascinating and shows a clip. Announce: “In February of 1981, newly-inaugurated Vice President Bush was granted an audience with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. This meeting took an awkward turn with Prince Philip mistook Barbara Bush for old-time wrestling great, Big Swede Hansen.
‘American Experience’ will return after these messages.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: “So this guy calls and, like, says, ‘You gotta pick the rug.’ Huh?”
ACT 2:
Dave is concerned. Something is not right in the world and wonders if it is him, or if it is people at large. Dave is worried it might be him, but isn’t convinced. Dave was on a flight returning to New York. It was 12:30 AM in the night. He sensed the plane was not making any progress and wondered if they were even moving. He relayed this to the stewardess. The stewardess pretended to listen and be interested in what Dave had to say. She went to the cockpit and returned and told Dave, “We’re holding.” Holding? Dave didn’t quite understand how there could be air traffic at 12:30 AM. He offers that back to the stewardess. She says, “I’ll bet it’s because this is New York.” And then she made a face. She pursed up her face, just a quick scrunching. Did Dave deserve that? Did he deserve the purse? He’s confused.
TOP TEN: Reasons Hillary Clinton Loves America – and to present tonight’s Top Ten list via satellite, it’s Senator Hillary Clinton!
10. We have more Dakotas than every other country combined.
9. Canadian bacon: soggy and chewy. American bacon: crisp and delicious!
8. Thanks to the internet, I can order new pantsuits 24/7. There’s your pantsuit joke, Dave. Are you happy?
7. 232 years and not one cookie shortage
6. TIVO
5. Did I mention the soup? Mmmm, soup.
4. Did you know former President Teddy Roosevelt was an American?
3. Where else can you get a car painted for $29.95?
2. Is this the part where I say, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”?
1. Apparently, anyone can get a talk show.
ACT 3: JIMMY KIMMEL – he’s the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! seen at 12:05 AM Monday through Friday . . . or to be exact, Tuesday through Saturday. He and the show recently celebrated their 5th anniversary. Congratulations to Jimmy and the crew.
What has Jimmy learned after 5 years of being a talk show host? Mr. Kimmel says it involves a whole lot of lying, much more than he ever anticipated. It’s a bit of information Dave didn’t offer 5-and-a-half years ago when Jimmy last visited. Jimmy says you have to lie about liking certain movies, TV shows, and guests. Jimmy laments that he has become the biggest liar. Perhaps he should go into politics. Jimmy a liar? I guess that explains the name of his show; Jimmy Kimmel Live! Kimmel offers an example of his need to lie on the show. Recently, Def Leppard was a musical guest on the show. Jimmy found himself bopping and swaying during the song. He admits he was only bopping and swaying just in case Mr. Leppard looked over his way. And truth be told, Jimmy says he wasn’t much of a fan of Def Leppard back when they were new, so their reunion isn’t much of a “Yee-ha!” in his book.
Dave is amused by the story and laughs a knowing laugh. He looks Kimmel in the eye and says from the heart, “But, Jimmy, you know I really like you.”
Kimmel answers, “Well, thank you, but I can’t really believe you.”
Jimmy grew up in Las Vegas and there were times he found himself near big-time celebs when he least expected. When younger, Jimmy had joined a gym on the outskirts of town, who do you think was a member of the same gym? Siegfried of Siegfried and Roy! Jimmy would watch Siegfried come into the gym, do 4 sit-ups, and then go sit in the Jacuzzi by the showers the rest of the day. Jimmy could never understand why Siegfried would join a gym just to sit in a Jacuzzi by the shower . . . but then he figured it out. Now THAT’s the story I want to hear . . . . what did Siegfried do that made Jimmy “figure it out”? It would be a great story and it probably wouldn’t need any lying, either.
What’s Jimmy doing in New York. He says he busy promoting the blockbuster “Iron Man.” Dave didn’t realize that Jimmy was in the movie. Kimmel says he isn’t, but really liked the movie and recommends we all go out to see it.
Dave thanks Jimmy for stopping by and offers him an opportunity to plug his own show. Jimmy reservedly gushes, “Watch my show . . . and understand that I don’t really mean a lot of what I say.”
Jimmy Kimmel – very funny. I like him a lot.
ACT 4:
This is always exciting . . . it’s the LATE SHOW PRIZE GIVEAWAY! Alan tells us what the audience could win tonight. ALAN: “Thanks, Chevy. Everyone in our studio audience tonight will win one of three fantastic prizes:
- a Sharp 50-inch LCD TV! Enjoy your favorite movies and shows in dazzling high-definition!
- A Sony PlayStation 3! It’s the cutting-edge video game system everyone wants!
- Or $1000 cash! Pay off debt or treat yourself to something special! It’s up to you!”
The scrim rises and we see Pat Farmer by the LATE SHOW Prize Wheel. He gives it a spin and it goes round and round and round. Uh oh. The wheel falls off . . . and rolls out the door out onto 53rd Street. Biff gives chase but can’t catch up. The wheel continues to roll west towards 8th Avenue. Pedestrians dodge out of the way. One elderly Asian man curses the rolling wheel, “Damn you, Prize Wheel!” The wheel continues, making a right onto 8th. There it stops to admire a young lovely with a compact. The wheel gets back to business and rolls through a restaurant on its way to the ABC building. Down the hall it rolls onto the stage of . . . . . the Regis and Kelly show. We find Regis walking across the stage and the Prize Wheel makes a bee-line for the A.M. Emmy-winning star. It crushes the Notre Dame grad, leaving him out cold on the floor.
But don’t worry. I’m being told he is OK. We better take the Prize Wheel back to the shop. We had it programmed to attack Matt Lauer.
ACT 5: Announce: “Guess what, America? It’s Late Show Magician Week!
Magician Week continues on Tuesday with the Comedy Magic of Mac King.
Wednesday, the X-Treme Magic of Dirk Arthur.
Thursday, the Real Magic of Steve Wyrick.
And on Friday, Penn & Teller.
Late Show Magician Week! You won’t believe what pops out of our hat!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: LANCE BURTON: the Master Magician amazes audiences nightly at the Monte Carlo Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.
- He has twice been named “Magician of the Year” by the Academy of Magical Arts.
- In 1996, Mr. Burton signed a 13-year contract to star in his own show at the Lance Burton Theater in the Monte Carlo Casino. This 13-year contract is the longest legal agreement ever given to any entertainer in Las Vegas history.
- Lance bears the title “Master Magician.” In 1994, Lance Burton was given the honor of having the ‘Mantle of Magic’ passed to him from Master Magician Lee Grabel which made Lance the new member of what has been called “The Royal Dynasty of Magic.” This honor has been passed in an unbroken line beginning from Kellar to Thurston in 1908, to Dante in 1936, to Lee Grabel in 1955, to Lance Burton in 1994.
- www.lanceburton.com
Tonight’s trick, Lance took the audience behind the scenes to view his performance from backstage. We learn the secrets to the “Purple Box of Mystery.” Or do we? How did Lance get from under the table to back in the Purple Box of Mystery? The only way to find out is by turning your TV upside down and watching it in slo-motion reverse. Then it will become obvious.
After the performance, I had an irresistible desire to go shopping at Shop Rite.
ACT 7: JIMMY EAT WORLD: From their CD, “Chase This Light,” Jimmy Eat World performed “Let It Happen.”
And that was our show for Monday May 5, 2008.
My girls played in a basketball tournament this weekend consisting of 5 games. I don’t know much about basketball, so you need to tell me something: Why do 12-year-old girls shoot foul shots better than 50% of those in the NBA? How can that be?
And why are the loudest parents in the stands the ones who know the least about the game of basketball?
I never made it to the OTB on Saturday to plunk down $50 on the Kentucky Derby. My lazy attitude made me $50 richer.
But I watched the race at home. It was known immediately that the #20 horse, and favorite, Big Brown won the race. Those who bet Big Brown to win were elated. But do the people at NBC think that’s the only bet on the card? There are “place” bets and “show” bets and exactas and trifectas and on and on. Not till 10 minutes after the finish, and then a wait through the commercials, did NBC put up the results for the betting man and woman. My wife Denise said they probably were going to wait until after the commercial but I knew NBC would never do that. They would at least put up the first three finishers with a bold print of “Unofficial Results” before going to commercial, I thought. WRONG! NBC forced the viewer to sit ten minutes, plus commercials, to find out first, second, and third. Boooooo! Bad bad NBC.
How would you feel if you bet the Trifecta and had the first two right, 20-5, but had to wait 15 minutes to find out if you lost $10 or won thousands?
Senator Barack Obama won the Democratic caucus in Guam this weekend, and as everyone knows: As Guam goes, so goes the country.
Cinco de Mayo – so what is it? It’s a celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day, right? BUZZ! No, it’s not. Mexico’s Independence Day is September 16, 1821.
Cinco de Mayo? It honors a Mexican victory over the French army in 1862. Following Mexico’s gaining independence from Spain, the government needed help from other countries so they borrowed money. Eventually, those countries needed to be paid back. Spain, England, and France sent their armies to collect. Soon after landing, the leaders of Spain and England called their troops back home. French leader Napoleon III went ahead his plan to get what was theirs. Near the town of Puebla, 6,000 French troops met 2,000 Mexican soldiers. Though outnumbered, the Mexican fighters forced the French to retreat. The Battle of Puebla prevented the French army from taking over the capital of Mexico, Mexico City.
The Battle of Puebla has become a symbol to the Mexican people of their toughness, independence, and bravery.
And that’s the story of Cinco de Mayo. It is not Mexico’s Independence Day. Now YOU know the REST of the story.
Many believe that Iron Man will be the big blockbuster of the summer. Wrong . . . at least here in the northeast it is wrong. Here the big blockbuster promises to be the McGreevy divorce case. It opened today.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Executive Producer of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and one of the best people in all of show business, it’s Jill Leiderman.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Late Show Magician Week: Dave's Trance • Great Moments in Magic: Houdini • Jeff Altman Glass Crash SFX • Cinco de Mayo: Lincoln Wears Sombrero on $5 Bill • American Experience: George H.W. Bush • Jeff Altman Glass Crash SFX • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Top Ten Reasons Hillary Clinton Loves America Read now
