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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Emile Hirsch; Magician Dirk Arthur; and Tom Dreesen. PLUS:Great Moments in Magic; Barbara Walters’ New Book; CBS News Special Report; The New Reality Show on Al Jazeera; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Andy Kindler Visits a Tattoo Parlor.
“ . . . and now, President of OPEC . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Dave tells a story about a canned ham. It must have been something from the pre-show that brought it up. Dave had given an audience member a canned ham. The receiver was very proud of his canned ham and placed on his mantle at home as if it were a trophy and not simply a canned ham. Up on the mantle it stayed; through the holidays, through the summer, back around through the holidays and summer, and then again. And then one day the thing exploded. Decaying pork flesh flew throughout the living room. You can’t just leave a canned ham out in the open like that forever. Let that be a lesson to you people who have a canned ham on your mantle. Get it down now!
Also before the show, a woman in the audience asked Dave about a quilt he received back in 1987. The quilt was made by the woman’s aunt. If I know quilts, Harry is probably using it now to build forts in the basement.
And in honor of Magician Week, we are debuting a brand new segment, entitled “Great Moments in Magic.” Announce: “Although he was considered the greatest escape artist of his time, on April 9, 1895 . . . Harry Houdini could not get out of going antiquing with his wife, Bess.
This has been ‘Great Moments in Magic.
Dave throws a blue card through the window and it lands on the bridge causing massive traffic delays. It must have been removed by the time I drove home because I heard nothing about it on the 8’s.
Have your heard about the new Barbara Walters book, “Audition”? Dave’s read it and says it was a very interesting memoir. Dave lauds Ms. Walters and calls her “a great broadcaster and really was ‘taking care of business.’” It seems she tells all in the tell-all. Dave found this interesting notation in the book’s index. Dave leafs to the back of the book and points out: “Dudes, Sex with, 1, 3-7, 9. 24-84, 87, 94, 101-143. 148-198, 207-209, 215, 223, 247, 252, 254-268, 279, 294-315, 319-376, 383, 391-412, 415-465, 472-501, 503, 504, 505-529.”
Dave is surprised that sh . . .
“THIS IS A CBS NEWS SPECIAL REPORT – I just saw ‘Iron Man’ and it was totally awesome. Anyway . . . so . . . we now return you to ‘Love, Herman,’ already in progress.”
That wasn’t much of a News Special Report. So what, the guy liked Iron Man. Does that deserve a News Special Report?
Maybe it’s my age . . . maybe it’s because I was at a very impressionable age in 1968 . . . . . but to this day whenever I see a sudden interrupt in the regularly scheduled programming for a News Bulletin, I get scared. My first reaction is controlled panic. These always make me nervous.
Are you folks fans of The Hills on MTV? The show is more popular than ever and not surprisingly, it’s already spawning imitators, including one on Al Jazeera. We see s promo for the new Al Jazeera reality show.
I’m unfamiliar with The Hills, but I guess the opening of the al Jazeera reality show was supposed to closely copy the opening of The Hills. Instead of shots of Heidi and . . . Spencer . . . we saw Osama and Zawahiri and the Iraqi army and terrorists in battle.
It closes with the show’s titled, “The Hills of Waziristan.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Our President: “I guess I’ll go home and mow the lawn.”
ACT 2: ANDY KINDLER: We recently sent him out to a tattoo parlor to watch the process. Last time we saw Andy, he busted up his tailbone while hopping on a pogo stick. It’s still in litigation so I won’t go too much into it here. I did like how Dave slipped something in, like, “Well, I’m glad you’re 100% now.” Andy, very wisely, exclaimed, “I DIDN’T SAY THAT!”
Andy went to Dare Devil Tattoo on the lower East Side of Manhattan. If you want Satan or the Virgin Mary burned into your arm, this is the place to go. I’m still without tattoo, but if I did get one I think I would get a battleship on my chest.
I always enjoy Andy’s visits to places around town. Andy will be appearing on the “Stand Uppity Tour” May 11 – 22nd. Andy explains the “Stand Uppity Tour” helps the performer feel better about themselves and better than everyone else.
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Signs There’s Trouble At The Weather Channel – a former Weather Channel anchorwoman won a sexual harassment suit against a male co-worker after he repeatedly made crude sexual remarks toward her.
Dave offers possible crude comments overheard at the Weather Channel: “Hey, wanna check out my barometer?” and “This is just the tip of the iceberg.” They were better than the list.
Signs There’s Trouble At The Weather Channel #10. They’re rerunning forecasts from 2004. #2. They don’t have a single magician this week.
EMILE HIRSCH: He’s Speed Racer in the new Speed Racer movie. He must have done a lot of racing to prepare for the role. Emile went to the Texas Motor Speedway and worked with NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson. Outside the Speedway there was a huge dirt parking lot. It was in the parking lot that Emile first tried going really fast. He wasn’t supposed to. All these dudes came running out and signaled him to slow down. Emile did not know the universal signal of “slow down” and kept right on going. Those signaling ended up getting a mouthful of rock and dirt. It wasn’t a great first impression.
Judging by what Dave saw in the film, he says Emile must have learned a lot from Jimmie Johnson. He did learn some, but most of what you see in the movie is computer generated. It’s all special effects put together by some kid in front of a computer. There really wasn’t any real danger, except for maybe some carpal tunnel for the special effects guy.
And when you’re starring in a big movie, you get to vacation in Hawaii and fly from island to island. Emile planned on doing a lot of sight-seeing but ended up sitting a Tiki-bar drinking ‘The Itch.’ He didn’t see much of the island. In fact, he didn’t see much of anything. It reminded me of when my two friends and I drove down to New Orleans. After two days of driving, we bunked down in a relative’s trailer 20 minutes from New Orleans. We went to the city of New Orleans once that week. The rest of the week we spent at the local watering hole. All that driving to sit in a local dive. I like dives, but we could have done the same thing driving to New Jersey. We didn’t have to drive all the way to New Orleans for that. Speed Racer – in theaters Friday.
ACT 4: DIRK ARTHUR: The XTreme Magic of Dirk Arthur. Dirk performs at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. The XTreme Magic Show features “monstrous cats and heart pounding illusions,” including leopards, Bengal tigers, and snow tigers.
Dirk Arthur’s magical performance tonight:
- producing several birds out of thin air
- making a duck disappear, then reappear in a bucket held by a member of the audience.
- A “sleight of tiger” routine. He makes a white Bengal tiger appear inside an empty elevated cage on. He then magically makes it disappear and reappear in a box on stage.
- Although I felt very safe with a 500-pound Bengal tiger on stage, I locked the door to the shack anyway and grabbed a set of nun-chucks just in case.
- As always, I am fascinated by magic, but afterwards I want to beat up the magician because I can’t figure out how he does it.
ACT 5: Announce: “Do you like magic? You’re in luck because ‘Late Show Magician Week’ continues! Join us Thursday with Steve Wyrick and his Blades of Death, and on Friday, Penn & Teller. Late Show Magician Week! This is one show you won’t want to see disappear!
We’ll be right back.
ACT 6:
Dave is still a bit spooked by the big cat. We weren’t sure if the Bengal was going to get back into the cage at the end. To calm his nerves, Dave takes a big swig from the bottle of booze he keeps under the desk. He then calls, “Here kitty kitty kitty.”
TOM DREESEN: Tom was a bit creeped by the Bengal tiger, too. He was so preoccupied with avoiding being bitten by the tiger that he got bit by the duck.
Tom is always with a story. He was at his local country club the other day and a guy came up to him and said he saw Tom on TV the other night. It was old footage of Tom Dreesen with Martin Luther King. Tom says it couldn’t have been him because he never met Martin Luther King. The guy was adamant. He saw Tom with Martin Luther King and his wife, Coretta. Tom says not possible. After a pause, Tom says he WAS on Entertainment Tonight the other night with Teri Garr . . . .” And the guy goes, “THAT’s who it was!” It made absolutely no sense to Tom.
I always like when Tom tells a story. I look for the sneak in of “ . . . true story . . .” And I like how he’ll tell a story about a golf course or restaurant and he will always include the name of the golf course or restaurant. It’s probably good for a free dinner or round of golf, plus it adds authenticity to the story. The guy’s a real pro.
This weekend, Tom will be emceeing The Ellis Island Medal of Honor Ceremony here in New York.
Check out Dreesen’s website at www.tomdreesen.com
And that was our show for Wednesday May 7, 2008.
Hey! It’s one of those weeks where somebody slipped in an extra work day. The week is one day behind my mental state.
The Democratic Primary moves to West Virginia next Tuesday and Senator Clinton is wasting no time. Today, Hillary claimed to be a coal miner’s daughter.
This just in: the Canadian Olympic Diving Team just added Sidney Crosby to the squad.
I just realized something. I’m not wearing my wedding ring. Two months ago when I was making soda bread for St. Patrick’s Day I took it off and put it in my drawer. I forgot to put it back on. It’s taken me two months to notice. Hmmmm, no wedding ring and yet the ladies down at Murphy’s Saloon still ignore me.
Hey, great news! Square Pegs is coming out on DVD May 20th. I liked the quirky Square Pegs television show of the early ‘80s. It appealed to me, therefore, it was soon canceled.
And now once again, “LATE NIGHT The Day They Were Born.”
Emile Hirsch was born March 13, 1985.
So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Emile Hirsch was born?
March 13, 1985 was a LATE NIGHT repeat.
So then, what happened on LATE NIGHT a week after Emile Hirsch was born?
March 20, 1985: Late Night Show #523 – Matchmaker Dan Fields; the most beautiful girl in the world Pamela Catherine Gidley; comedian Marjorie Gross; Dave does miscellaneous stuff (phone bill; TV Guide); softball video; and lucky number.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT a week after Emile Hirsch was born.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Walls, Mississippi, it’s Diane Manns
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Emile Hirsch; Magician Dirk Arthur; and Tom Dreesen. PLUS:Great Moments in Magic; Barbara Walters’ New Book; CBS News Special Report; The New Reality Show on Al Jazeera; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and Andy Kindler Visits a Tattoo Parlor.
“ . . . and now, President of OPEC . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
Dave tells a story about a canned ham. It must have been something from the pre-show that brought it up. Dave had given an audience member a canned ham. The receiver was very proud of his canned ham and placed on his mantle at home as if it were a trophy and not simply a canned ham. Up on the mantle it stayed; through the holidays, through the summer, back around through the holidays and summer, and then again. And then one day the thing exploded. Decaying pork flesh flew throughout the living room. You can’t just leave a canned ham out in the open like that forever. Let that be a lesson to you people who have a canned ham on your mantle. Get it down now!
Also before the show, a woman in the audience asked Dave about a quilt he received back in 1987. The quilt was made by the woman’s aunt. If I know quilts, Harry is probably using it now to build forts in the basement.
And in honor of Magician Week, we are debuting a brand new segment, entitled “Great Moments in Magic.” Announce: “Although he was considered the greatest escape artist of his time, on April 9, 1895 . . . Harry Houdini could not get out of going antiquing with his wife, Bess.
This has been ‘Great Moments in Magic.
Dave throws a blue card through the window and it lands on the bridge causing massive traffic delays. It must have been removed by the time I drove home because I heard nothing about it on the 8’s.
Have your heard about the new Barbara Walters book, “Audition”? Dave’s read it and says it was a very interesting memoir. Dave lauds Ms. Walters and calls her “a great broadcaster and really was ‘taking care of business.’” It seems she tells all in the tell-all. Dave found this interesting notation in the book’s index. Dave leafs to the back of the book and points out: “Dudes, Sex with, 1, 3-7, 9. 24-84, 87, 94, 101-143. 148-198, 207-209, 215, 223, 247, 252, 254-268, 279, 294-315, 319-376, 383, 391-412, 415-465, 472-501, 503, 504, 505-529.”
Dave is surprised that sh . . .
“THIS IS A CBS NEWS SPECIAL REPORT – I just saw ‘Iron Man’ and it was totally awesome. Anyway . . . so . . . we now return you to ‘Love, Herman,’ already in progress.”
That wasn’t much of a News Special Report. So what, the guy liked Iron Man. Does that deserve a News Special Report?
Maybe it’s my age . . . maybe it’s because I was at a very impressionable age in 1968 . . . . . but to this day whenever I see a sudden interrupt in the regularly scheduled programming for a News Bulletin, I get scared. My first reaction is controlled panic. These always make me nervous.
Are you folks fans of The Hills on MTV? The show is more popular than ever and not surprisingly, it’s already spawning imitators, including one on Al Jazeera. We see s promo for the new Al Jazeera reality show.
I’m unfamiliar with The Hills, but I guess the opening of the al Jazeera reality show was supposed to closely copy the opening of The Hills. Instead of shots of Heidi and . . . Spencer . . . we saw Osama and Zawahiri and the Iraqi army and terrorists in battle.
It closes with the show’s titled, “The Hills of Waziristan.”
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Our President: “I guess I’ll go home and mow the lawn.”
ACT 2: ANDY KINDLER: We recently sent him out to a tattoo parlor to watch the process. Last time we saw Andy, he busted up his tailbone while hopping on a pogo stick. It’s still in litigation so I won’t go too much into it here. I did like how Dave slipped something in, like, “Well, I’m glad you’re 100% now.” Andy, very wisely, exclaimed, “I DIDN’T SAY THAT!”
Andy went to Dare Devil Tattoo on the lower East Side of Manhattan. If you want Satan or the Virgin Mary burned into your arm, this is the place to go. I’m still without tattoo, but if I did get one I think I would get a battleship on my chest.
I always enjoy Andy’s visits to places around town. Andy will be appearing on the “Stand Uppity Tour” May 11 – 22nd. Andy explains the “Stand Uppity Tour” helps the performer feel better about themselves and better than everyone else.
ACT 3: TOP TEN: Signs There’s Trouble At The Weather Channel – a former Weather Channel anchorwoman won a sexual harassment suit against a male co-worker after he repeatedly made crude sexual remarks toward her.
Dave offers possible crude comments overheard at the Weather Channel: “Hey, wanna check out my barometer?” and “This is just the tip of the iceberg.” They were better than the list.
Signs There’s Trouble At The Weather Channel #10. They’re rerunning forecasts from 2004. #2. They don’t have a single magician this week.
EMILE HIRSCH: He’s Speed Racer in the new Speed Racer movie. He must have done a lot of racing to prepare for the role. Emile went to the Texas Motor Speedway and worked with NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson. Outside the Speedway there was a huge dirt parking lot. It was in the parking lot that Emile first tried going really fast. He wasn’t supposed to. All these dudes came running out and signaled him to slow down. Emile did not know the universal signal of “slow down” and kept right on going. Those signaling ended up getting a mouthful of rock and dirt. It wasn’t a great first impression.
Judging by what Dave saw in the film, he says Emile must have learned a lot from Jimmie Johnson. He did learn some, but most of what you see in the movie is computer generated. It’s all special effects put together by some kid in front of a computer. There really wasn’t any real danger, except for maybe some carpal tunnel for the special effects guy.
And when you’re starring in a big movie, you get to vacation in Hawaii and fly from island to island. Emile planned on doing a lot of sight-seeing but ended up sitting a Tiki-bar drinking ‘The Itch.’ He didn’t see much of the island. In fact, he didn’t see much of anything. It reminded me of when my two friends and I drove down to New Orleans. After two days of driving, we bunked down in a relative’s trailer 20 minutes from New Orleans. We went to the city of New Orleans once that week. The rest of the week we spent at the local watering hole. All that driving to sit in a local dive. I like dives, but we could have done the same thing driving to New Jersey. We didn’t have to drive all the way to New Orleans for that. Speed Racer – in theaters Friday.
ACT 4: DIRK ARTHUR: The XTreme Magic of Dirk Arthur. Dirk performs at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. The XTreme Magic Show features “monstrous cats and heart pounding illusions,” including leopards, Bengal tigers, and snow tigers.
Dirk Arthur’s magical performance tonight:
- producing several birds out of thin air
- making a duck disappear, then reappear in a bucket held by a member of the audience.
- A “sleight of tiger” routine. He makes a white Bengal tiger appear inside an empty elevated cage on. He then magically makes it disappear and reappear in a box on stage.
- Although I felt very safe with a 500-pound Bengal tiger on stage, I locked the door to the shack anyway and grabbed a set of nun-chucks just in case.
- As always, I am fascinated by magic, but afterwards I want to beat up the magician because I can’t figure out how he does it.
ACT 5: Announce: “Do you like magic? You’re in luck because ‘Late Show Magician Week’ continues! Join us Thursday with Steve Wyrick and his Blades of Death, and on Friday, Penn & Teller. Late Show Magician Week! This is one show you won’t want to see disappear!
We’ll be right back.
ACT 6:
Dave is still a bit spooked by the big cat. We weren’t sure if the Bengal was going to get back into the cage at the end. To calm his nerves, Dave takes a big swig from the bottle of booze he keeps under the desk. He then calls, “Here kitty kitty kitty.”
TOM DREESEN: Tom was a bit creeped by the Bengal tiger, too. He was so preoccupied with avoiding being bitten by the tiger that he got bit by the duck.
Tom is always with a story. He was at his local country club the other day and a guy came up to him and said he saw Tom on TV the other night. It was old footage of Tom Dreesen with Martin Luther King. Tom says it couldn’t have been him because he never met Martin Luther King. The guy was adamant. He saw Tom with Martin Luther King and his wife, Coretta. Tom says not possible. After a pause, Tom says he WAS on Entertainment Tonight the other night with Teri Garr . . . .” And the guy goes, “THAT’s who it was!” It made absolutely no sense to Tom.
I always like when Tom tells a story. I look for the sneak in of “ . . . true story . . .” And I like how he’ll tell a story about a golf course or restaurant and he will always include the name of the golf course or restaurant. It’s probably good for a free dinner or round of golf, plus it adds authenticity to the story. The guy’s a real pro.
This weekend, Tom will be emceeing The Ellis Island Medal of Honor Ceremony here in New York.
Check out Dreesen’s website at www.tomdreesen.com
And that was our show for Wednesday May 7, 2008.
Hey! It’s one of those weeks where somebody slipped in an extra work day. The week is one day behind my mental state.
The Democratic Primary moves to West Virginia next Tuesday and Senator Clinton is wasting no time. Today, Hillary claimed to be a coal miner’s daughter.
This just in: the Canadian Olympic Diving Team just added Sidney Crosby to the squad.
I just realized something. I’m not wearing my wedding ring. Two months ago when I was making soda bread for St. Patrick’s Day I took it off and put it in my drawer. I forgot to put it back on. It’s taken me two months to notice. Hmmmm, no wedding ring and yet the ladies down at Murphy’s Saloon still ignore me.
Hey, great news! Square Pegs is coming out on DVD May 20th. I liked the quirky Square Pegs television show of the early ‘80s. It appealed to me, therefore, it was soon canceled.
And now once again, “LATE NIGHT The Day They Were Born.”
Emile Hirsch was born March 13, 1985.
So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Emile Hirsch was born?
March 13, 1985 was a LATE NIGHT repeat.
So then, what happened on LATE NIGHT a week after Emile Hirsch was born?
March 20, 1985: Late Night Show #523 – Matchmaker Dan Fields; the most beautiful girl in the world Pamela Catherine Gidley; comedian Marjorie Gross; Dave does miscellaneous stuff (phone bill; TV Guide); softball video; and lucky number.
And that’s what happened on LATE NIGHT a week after Emile Hirsch was born.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Walls, Mississippi, it’s Diane Manns
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Great Moments in Magic • Barbara Walters' New Book Index • CBS News Interrupt: Loved "Iron Man" • The Hills of Waziristan • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • Andy Kindler Visits a Tattoo Parlor
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs There's Trouble at The Weather Channel Read now
