DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Stupid Pet Tricks; Shia LaBeouf; and N.E.R.D.
PLUS: Playboy in trouble; Jenna's wedding; a scene from "Iron Man"; Medvedev Mispronunciation Roundup; Small Town News; and a guy hanging from the balcony.
" . . . . and now, winner of this season's 'Survivor' . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
In out audience tonight is a nice young couple celebrating their 1st anniversary. And they spent it at the Late Show? Well, this is the place dreams come true. Dave extends to them a dinner for two at "21".
There are more signs that the economy is tanking. Did you see the most recent issue of Playboy? Dave has, and he shows off the centerfold. Dave opens it for all to see. Unfortunately, it's nothing but a blank foldout with the words in bold: "Photo Not Available." Dang it. And I always thought porn was recession-proof.
The President's daughter, Jenna, was married over the weekend in Crawford, Texas. The First Family sent out this videotaped message to all of the affair's attendees.
Announce:
"President and Mrs. Bush would like to extend our most heartfelt thanks to everyone who made our little girl's wedding so special.
We would also like to take this time to apologize to the five bridesmaids who were hospitalized after getting in the way of Condi trying to catch the bouquet (shot of an unsmiling Condoleezza Rice with the bouquet).
A message from the Bush family."
"Iron Man" is the #1 movie in America for the second week in a row. It has earned over $150 million domestically and it looks like it'll continue to roll on in the weeks ahead. We watch a scene from the blockbuster.
We see Iron Man outside a Starbucks drinking one of their famed coffees. A citizen stands nearby. Iron Man has a hard time figuring out how to drink the coffee through his mask. He takes off the cover and tries it that way. But the coffee spills down his face and neck under his suit. Iron Man screams in agony, then barks at the bystander, "What are you looking at?"
Now I understand why it's such a blockbuster.
Russia has a new president. Dmitry Medvedev was sworn in last week and he is the subject of tonight's Medvedev Mispronunciation Roundup.
We see a clip of a number of news anchors attempting unsuccessfully to pronounce "Medvedev." We conclude with Hillary: "Mev . . uh, Medve . . . . . . Mevadeva...whatever."
Dave billboards the night's guests, but something catches his attention; something in the balcony. The camera swings around to find a man hanging from the balcony. Luckily, Pat Farmer and Biff Henderson had a ladder nearby to help the man down. Of all the days to have a ladder on stage, Pat certainly picked the right day to have it. Kudos, Pat Farmer, our property master.
ACT 2:
SMALL TOWN NEWS
- The Burlington Free Press (Burlington, Vermont): "Absolutely free. Two roosters. 6
months old; pets or soup. Call Randy."
- Southeast Alaska's Island News (Thorne Bay, Alaska): "I've heard from many people
that they have heard that me and my family are leaving Craig. This is not true and basically cockity mush."
Starting today, I will be incorporating "cockity mush" into my daily conversation.
- The Piscataquis Observer (Dover-Foxcroft, Maine): "Piscataquis County Emergency Services dispatch log. 7:23 PM. An owl was acting strangely."
- The Arlington Times (Arlington, Washington): "Poll results. 'Are you interested in the changes that the City of Arlington proposes to its comprehensive plan?' It's a real hot-button issue. 40% -- 2 votes, yes. 60% -- 3 votes, no.
- The Mariposa Gazette (Mariposa, California): "Safe at home will also have a surprise visit by one of the kids' favorite cartoon characters. Here are a few clues. He is yellow and absorbent and wears square pants."
Stupid Pet Tricks; Shia LaBeouf; and N.E.R.D.
PLUS: Playboy in trouble; Jenna's wedding; a scene from "Iron Man"; Medvedev Mispronunciation Roundup; Small Town News; and a guy hanging from the balcony.
" . . . . and now, winner of this season's 'Survivor' . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
In out audience tonight is a nice young couple celebrating their 1st anniversary. And they spent it at the Late Show? Well, this is the place dreams come true. Dave extends to them a dinner for two at "21".
There are more signs that the economy is tanking. Did you see the most recent issue of Playboy? Dave has, and he shows off the centerfold. Dave opens it for all to see. Unfortunately, it's nothing but a blank foldout with the words in bold: "Photo Not Available." Dang it. And I always thought porn was recession-proof.
The President's daughter, Jenna, was married over the weekend in Crawford, Texas. The First Family sent out this videotaped message to all of the affair's attendees.
Announce:
"President and Mrs. Bush would like to extend our most heartfelt thanks to everyone who made our little girl's wedding so special.
We would also like to take this time to apologize to the five bridesmaids who were hospitalized after getting in the way of Condi trying to catch the bouquet (shot of an unsmiling Condoleezza Rice with the bouquet).
A message from the Bush family."
"Iron Man" is the #1 movie in America for the second week in a row. It has earned over $150 million domestically and it looks like it'll continue to roll on in the weeks ahead. We watch a scene from the blockbuster.
We see Iron Man outside a Starbucks drinking one of their famed coffees. A citizen stands nearby. Iron Man has a hard time figuring out how to drink the coffee through his mask. He takes off the cover and tries it that way. But the coffee spills down his face and neck under his suit. Iron Man screams in agony, then barks at the bystander, "What are you looking at?"
Now I understand why it's such a blockbuster.
Russia has a new president. Dmitry Medvedev was sworn in last week and he is the subject of tonight's Medvedev Mispronunciation Roundup.
We see a clip of a number of news anchors attempting unsuccessfully to pronounce "Medvedev." We conclude with Hillary: "Mev . . uh, Medve . . . . . . Mevadeva...whatever."
Dave billboards the night's guests, but something catches his attention; something in the balcony. The camera swings around to find a man hanging from the balcony. Luckily, Pat Farmer and Biff Henderson had a ladder nearby to help the man down. Of all the days to have a ladder on stage, Pat certainly picked the right day to have it. Kudos, Pat Farmer, our property master.
ACT 2:
SMALL TOWN NEWS
- The Burlington Free Press (Burlington, Vermont): "Absolutely free. Two roosters. 6
months old; pets or soup. Call Randy."
- Southeast Alaska's Island News (Thorne Bay, Alaska): "I've heard from many people
that they have heard that me and my family are leaving Craig. This is not true and basically cockity mush."
Starting today, I will be incorporating "cockity mush" into my daily conversation.
- The Piscataquis Observer (Dover-Foxcroft, Maine): "Piscataquis County Emergency Services dispatch log. 7:23 PM. An owl was acting strangely."
- The Arlington Times (Arlington, Washington): "Poll results. 'Are you interested in the changes that the City of Arlington proposes to its comprehensive plan?' It's a real hot-button issue. 40% -- 2 votes, yes. 60% -- 3 votes, no.
- The Mariposa Gazette (Mariposa, California): "Safe at home will also have a surprise visit by one of the kids' favorite cartoon characters. Here are a few clues. He is yellow and absorbent and wears square pants."
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