DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Russell Crowe; Sarah Vowell; and The Pretenders. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Encouraging News About the Economy; a Message from Joe Biden; O'Reilly and Barney Frank Interrupt Dave; Obama's New Debate Strategy; a Top Ten List; and How 'Bout Those Ball State Cardinals!
" . . . and now, the Godmother of modern dance . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Monologue joke: "John McCain pulled out of Michigan. Michigan, I know how you feel."
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES:
- something about "Economy 101"
ACT 2:
Dave opens with a story. Something happened over the weekend that he would like to share, though it's a bit . . . . raw. Before telling the story, he distances himself from what happened; wanting it known that it is not something that is taught in his home. But he thinks it'll reveal what goes on in a 5-year-old's head.
Over the weekend, Harry came up with the idea, "Let's sleep outside in a tent!" Daddy pretended it was a good idea, but not the right time to do that. It's a bit too chilly for that, he told his son, but what he was really saying was "this 61-year-old doesn't want to sleep outside in a tent." Harry then suggested they sleep in the tent inside the house. Dave, pretending to have vigor, agreed to the compromise. The setting wasn't too bad. The tent went up, the air mattresses were blown up, the sleeping bags were in place. Dad and son were going to sleep upstairs while mommy slept downstairs. And then Harry came up with the idea: "What can we do in the middle of the night to scare mommy?" Dave admits to not being a stranger to scaring mommy in the middle of the night.
Harry and Dave discuss their diabolical plan to scare mommy during dinner. Mommy had no idea that they were making such a plan since they discreetly spoke behind their napkins. And this is the idea the 5-year-old mind of Harry came up with: "We can scare her in the middle of the night by calling out, "Eat Poop!"
Though it sounds silly at first, Dave admits few things could scare you more in the middle of the night than someone shouting, "Eat poop!"
Hey, how 'bout the Ball State Cardinals. This past Saturday they went to 6-0 with a 31-0 victory over the Toledo Rockets. And this propelled the Fighting Football Cardinals into 25th in the Associated Press College Football Poll, the first time in the 84-year history of Ball State Football that they have been ranked.
Next game: Saturday, vs. the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. And don't look back, Sooners, the Cardinals, the fiercest robin-size bird in the world, is gaining on you!
We've heard so much bad news about the economy lately, but there was a bit of encouraging news earlier today. Announce: "Economists tell us we're on the verge of a financial Armageddon. The housing industry is near collapse. Banks are failing. Families are struggling. Yet somehow, this weekend Americans were able to spend $29 million on this. . . . ."
Cut to a clip from the film, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."
"See? Things aren't so bad!
George W. Bush -- my dog's named 'Barney.'"
And now it's time for "A Message from Joe Biden"
Biden, from last Thursday's debate: "Ladies and gentlemen, / I've seen / Barack Obama's / deal."
As Dave moves on to the next point of business, he is rudely interrupted by the ongoing donnybrook between Bill O'Reilly and Barney Frank. Isolated in three boxes, Dave is stuck in the middle as Reilly and Barney go at it. I was surprised at those two. They both seem like such pleasant fellows.
The second President debate is set for Tuesday night and word has it that Barack is coming out with a new strategy. We take a look at this announcement. Announce: "Barack Obama is looking forward to his second debate with John McCain. His strategy is simple:
- Keep the focus squarely on the economy.
- Tie McCain to the failed strategies of the Bush Administration. And;
- Steal the battery from McCain's hearing aid."
We see a shot of McCain staring silently at a podium. A moderator tries to get his attention.
"John McCain: One for 'Cocoon,' please."
TOP TEN: How To Make The Financial Crisis More Fun 10. Take a page from President Bush and ignore it. 8. Replace Lehman Brothers with the Wayans brothers
ACT 3: RUSSELL CROWE
His new film, Body of Lies opens Wednesday. The film called for him to gain a lot of weight for his role. How much weight? Oh, about 63 pounds. Wow. What role did he play; a college freshman?
Dave's story about Harry made Russell think of something he once said and has no idea from whence it came. It was a scene in their recent film where Russell had to adlib about something that took a lot of time. Leonardo DiCaprio was not happy to see him in the scene and was simply trying to make small talk. Leo asks, "How was your flight?" Russell Crowe responds, unscripted, "Oh, I watched that 'Poseidon' movie. It was like watching a Greek girl getting a bikini wax." Russell says he has no idea where that line came from. It was unplanned, unscripted, unrehearsed; it was simply the first thing that came to his head. Can't explain it. The director decided to go with another line.
Russell worked with Leonardo years ago in a film called, The Quick and The Dead. The two of them were not nearly the celebrities they are today. Russell decided to teach the young kid some things and give him a hard time. Russell got himself a small spray bottle. He'd walk behind Leonardo about once a week, pretend to sneeze, and spray the bottle on the back of his neck. Leo would obviously be disgusted, but would never react. This went on for weeks. And then 15 years later on the set of Body of Lies, Russell squirted him with the spray bottle in full view. Leonardo knew immediately that he had been had long ago, and Leo called him every name in the book, words that will not be printed here.
The movie, Body of Lies, is a political thriller, Russell playing a CIA operative; Leo the top agent in the Middle East. As the film progresses, it's often hard to know the good guys from the bad. It opens Wednesday.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Debra Messing, Founder and Director of Alianca da Terra, John Carter, and music from Tegan and Sarah. The Late Show! It's 2008, why aren't we commuting with jet packs?
We'll be right back.
ACT 6: SARAH VOWELL
From public radio's "This American Life" program and a bestselling author. Her latest book is entitled, "The Wordy Shipmates."
What does the funny and smart and quirky author think about the election? She says she is sick about hearing so much about Joe Biden. It's all Joe Biden, Joe Biden, Joe Biden. She understands that America has fallen in love with his folksy anecdotes about meeting Golda Meir and his record as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and his sponsorship of the Violence Against Women Act, but enough is enough. Sarah Vowell would like to remind us that there is another vice presidential candidate in this election: Sarah Palin.
Did Sarah see the Palin interview with Katie Couric? Yes, and Vowell is a bit concerned with Palin when asked "What magazines do you read," she responded "All of them." Yikes. That would include "Cat Fancy," and "Guitar Player" and "Popular Woodworking." And every month there are new ones coming out. How can she do it!
Supreme Court decisions that Palin disagrees with? Palin came up empty on this, but Vowell has one of her own she would like to share: The decision in 2000 where the Supreme Court gave the presidency to that dumbass. Ahhh, I have a feeling I know which way Sarah Vowell is leaning this November.
Vowell has a new book, entitled "The Wordy Shipmates," about John Winthrop and the 1600's creation of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. You'll learn a lot about this time in history in a creative and whimsical way. Her views on history are usually slightly askew and take a different angle in her analysis, something you wouldn't find in your typical dry writing on the subject. Not too long ago I was watching a History Channel special on the President McKinley assassination in Buffalo, New York at the turn of the century (the old century, not this new one). I was very surprised to see Sarah Vowell interviewed as a source of information on this, but then recalled she authored "Assassination Vacation," a book about Presidential assassinations. She visited historical sites and wrote about the assassinated presidents and those who did he deed.
I know what many of you are saying right now:
- McKinley was assassinated?
- McKinley was a President?
"The Wordy Shipmates"
Russell Crowe; Sarah Vowell; and The Pretenders. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; Encouraging News About the Economy; a Message from Joe Biden; O'Reilly and Barney Frank Interrupt Dave; Obama's New Debate Strategy; a Top Ten List; and How 'Bout Those Ball State Cardinals!
" . . . and now, the Godmother of modern dance . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Monologue joke: "John McCain pulled out of Michigan. Michigan, I know how you feel."
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES:
- something about "Economy 101"
ACT 2:
Dave opens with a story. Something happened over the weekend that he would like to share, though it's a bit . . . . raw. Before telling the story, he distances himself from what happened; wanting it known that it is not something that is taught in his home. But he thinks it'll reveal what goes on in a 5-year-old's head.
Over the weekend, Harry came up with the idea, "Let's sleep outside in a tent!" Daddy pretended it was a good idea, but not the right time to do that. It's a bit too chilly for that, he told his son, but what he was really saying was "this 61-year-old doesn't want to sleep outside in a tent." Harry then suggested they sleep in the tent inside the house. Dave, pretending to have vigor, agreed to the compromise. The setting wasn't too bad. The tent went up, the air mattresses were blown up, the sleeping bags were in place. Dad and son were going to sleep upstairs while mommy slept downstairs. And then Harry came up with the idea: "What can we do in the middle of the night to scare mommy?" Dave admits to not being a stranger to scaring mommy in the middle of the night.
Harry and Dave discuss their diabolical plan to scare mommy during dinner. Mommy had no idea that they were making such a plan since they discreetly spoke behind their napkins. And this is the idea the 5-year-old mind of Harry came up with: "We can scare her in the middle of the night by calling out, "Eat Poop!"
Though it sounds silly at first, Dave admits few things could scare you more in the middle of the night than someone shouting, "Eat poop!"
Hey, how 'bout the Ball State Cardinals. This past Saturday they went to 6-0 with a 31-0 victory over the Toledo Rockets. And this propelled the Fighting Football Cardinals into 25th in the Associated Press College Football Poll, the first time in the 84-year history of Ball State Football that they have been ranked.
Next game: Saturday, vs. the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. And don't look back, Sooners, the Cardinals, the fiercest robin-size bird in the world, is gaining on you!
We've heard so much bad news about the economy lately, but there was a bit of encouraging news earlier today. Announce: "Economists tell us we're on the verge of a financial Armageddon. The housing industry is near collapse. Banks are failing. Families are struggling. Yet somehow, this weekend Americans were able to spend $29 million on this. . . . ."
Cut to a clip from the film, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."
"See? Things aren't so bad!
George W. Bush -- my dog's named 'Barney.'"
And now it's time for "A Message from Joe Biden"
Biden, from last Thursday's debate: "Ladies and gentlemen, / I've seen / Barack Obama's / deal."
As Dave moves on to the next point of business, he is rudely interrupted by the ongoing donnybrook between Bill O'Reilly and Barney Frank. Isolated in three boxes, Dave is stuck in the middle as Reilly and Barney go at it. I was surprised at those two. They both seem like such pleasant fellows.
The second President debate is set for Tuesday night and word has it that Barack is coming out with a new strategy. We take a look at this announcement. Announce: "Barack Obama is looking forward to his second debate with John McCain. His strategy is simple:
- Keep the focus squarely on the economy.
- Tie McCain to the failed strategies of the Bush Administration. And;
- Steal the battery from McCain's hearing aid."
We see a shot of McCain staring silently at a podium. A moderator tries to get his attention.
"John McCain: One for 'Cocoon,' please."
TOP TEN: How To Make The Financial Crisis More Fun 10. Take a page from President Bush and ignore it. 8. Replace Lehman Brothers with the Wayans brothers
ACT 3: RUSSELL CROWE
His new film, Body of Lies opens Wednesday. The film called for him to gain a lot of weight for his role. How much weight? Oh, about 63 pounds. Wow. What role did he play; a college freshman?
Dave's story about Harry made Russell think of something he once said and has no idea from whence it came. It was a scene in their recent film where Russell had to adlib about something that took a lot of time. Leonardo DiCaprio was not happy to see him in the scene and was simply trying to make small talk. Leo asks, "How was your flight?" Russell Crowe responds, unscripted, "Oh, I watched that 'Poseidon' movie. It was like watching a Greek girl getting a bikini wax." Russell says he has no idea where that line came from. It was unplanned, unscripted, unrehearsed; it was simply the first thing that came to his head. Can't explain it. The director decided to go with another line.
Russell worked with Leonardo years ago in a film called, The Quick and The Dead. The two of them were not nearly the celebrities they are today. Russell decided to teach the young kid some things and give him a hard time. Russell got himself a small spray bottle. He'd walk behind Leonardo about once a week, pretend to sneeze, and spray the bottle on the back of his neck. Leo would obviously be disgusted, but would never react. This went on for weeks. And then 15 years later on the set of Body of Lies, Russell squirted him with the spray bottle in full view. Leonardo knew immediately that he had been had long ago, and Leo called him every name in the book, words that will not be printed here.
The movie, Body of Lies, is a political thriller, Russell playing a CIA operative; Leo the top agent in the Middle East. As the film progresses, it's often hard to know the good guys from the bad. It opens Wednesday.
ACT 5: Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Debra Messing, Founder and Director of Alianca da Terra, John Carter, and music from Tegan and Sarah. The Late Show! It's 2008, why aren't we commuting with jet packs?
We'll be right back.
ACT 6: SARAH VOWELL
From public radio's "This American Life" program and a bestselling author. Her latest book is entitled, "The Wordy Shipmates."
What does the funny and smart and quirky author think about the election? She says she is sick about hearing so much about Joe Biden. It's all Joe Biden, Joe Biden, Joe Biden. She understands that America has fallen in love with his folksy anecdotes about meeting Golda Meir and his record as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and his sponsorship of the Violence Against Women Act, but enough is enough. Sarah Vowell would like to remind us that there is another vice presidential candidate in this election: Sarah Palin.
Did Sarah see the Palin interview with Katie Couric? Yes, and Vowell is a bit concerned with Palin when asked "What magazines do you read," she responded "All of them." Yikes. That would include "Cat Fancy," and "Guitar Player" and "Popular Woodworking." And every month there are new ones coming out. How can she do it!
Supreme Court decisions that Palin disagrees with? Palin came up empty on this, but Vowell has one of her own she would like to share: The decision in 2000 where the Supreme Court gave the presidency to that dumbass. Ahhh, I have a feeling I know which way Sarah Vowell is leaning this November.
Vowell has a new book, entitled "The Wordy Shipmates," about John Winthrop and the 1600's creation of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. You'll learn a lot about this time in history in a creative and whimsical way. Her views on history are usually slightly askew and take a different angle in her analysis, something you wouldn't find in your typical dry writing on the subject. Not too long ago I was watching a History Channel special on the President McKinley assassination in Buffalo, New York at the turn of the century (the old century, not this new one). I was very surprised to see Sarah Vowell interviewed as a source of information on this, but then recalled she authored "Assassination Vacation," a book about Presidential assassinations. She visited historical sites and wrote about the assassinated presidents and those who did he deed.
I know what many of you are saying right now:
- McKinley was assassinated?
- McKinley was a President?
"The Wordy Shipmates"
©MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.