DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Dennis Quaid; Sarah Chalke; and Buddy Guy. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; The New Late Show Fun Facts book; MSNBC News You Can Count On; Something Odd at the Presidential Debate; a Message from John McCain; a Top Ten list; and a Late Show Undecided Voter.
" . . . and now, Austrian logician . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: COLD OPEN: We find Dave and Jude in the dressing room before the show. Jude is reading a newspaper. She mumbles, "Dismal. Horrible. Unbelievable." DAVE: "Are you reading about the economy?" JUDE: "No, I was just thinking about working here." DAVE: "Oh, SNAP!"
I liked the "Oh, snap!"
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: "I like to go out there . . . see the cows . . . . some of them talk to me." ACT 2:
Are you enjoying the presidential campaign? It's the longest campaign on record. This one started in 1967! Just a few more weeks, kids, just a few more weeks. And then we can sit back and cut an artery while we ponder Bush's pardons. I hate Presidential Pardons. What he should do is pardon some our debt. Instead of letting a lawbreaker out of jail, how about pardoning a hard working guy or gal who lost his job and has been swallowed up in debt?
And when Clinton caught so much grief in 2000 for his pardons, I remember GWBush remained very quiet. I imagine he's got a long list himself to spring on us on a Friday night during the holiday season.
Did I mention I had Presidential Pardons?
What? You still haven't gotten the Late Show Fun Facts book? What are you waiting for, to find it in the dollar bin? Better yet, why not go to the book store and read it right there . . .. . right there in the book store. And if someone confronts, simply tell them, "Lay off, squirrelly." And if you're a slow reader like Dave, the book can easily slip inside your jacket.
And don't forget, "The Late Show Fun Facts" book is on Oprah's Book Club . . . at least until the Cease and Desist order comes down.
Here's something new: "MSNBC News You Can Count On" -- We see NBC News analyst Howard Fineman state on MSNBC, "Sarah Palin is perfectly willing to touch it."
Anything for a vote, I guess.
Did you watch the Presidential Debate Tuesday night? Dave noticed something very odd. Something he did not expect to see at all. We take a look at a clip of the debate. There, sitting in the very first row . . . . . . . Kim Jong-Il. How? What? Who? It was either Kim Jong-Il or his brother . . . . . all together now . . . . . Mental Lee-Il.
And now it's time for "A Message from John McCain"
Senator McCain: "My friends / I can tell you right now / I don't / know / where / I am."
TOP TEN: Signs the Presidential Campaign is Getting Ugly
9. Next debate to be moderated by Jerry Springer.
7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house.
1. Obama's gloves are off; McCain's teeth are out.
ACT 3: DENNIS QUAID
In his new film, "The Express," Dennis plays the Syracuse football coach in the 1950's during the time Ernie Davis won the Heisman Trophy. Ernie became the first African American to win the trophy as the nation's top college football player. The film is about the times, the racial tension; and different cultures collapsing in on each other and how the elements come out on the other side. Dennis plays the hard-ass, old-fart coach trying to win a championship, while Ernie Davis was the sensitive and introspective but magnificent running back who would help get him there. Dennis describes Ernie Davis as being able to get to the "soft, creamy center" of the hardened coach. Dave laughs at the description and surmises that Dennis has been out on the promotional tour a bit too long.
Dennis is a dad of 11-month-old twins. For their first birthday, the family is going to Disneyland! Isn't Disneyland a bit too young for 1-year-olds? Dennis says it is, but he is looking forward to watching them take a nape and at the happiest place on earth. Dennis says he will also enjoy the rollercoasters with his 16-year-old son, Jack. And speaking of rollercoasters, Jack just got his license. For this first car, Dennis bought Jack a tank. Can't be too careful.
Jack also has a ranch in Montana and he likes to ride the horses. Like anyone who has ridden a motorcycle, all horseback riders have a story of being tossed. Dennis blames the loco weed that grows wild in Montana for making his horse a bit loopy. Without warning, the horse had enough of someone sitting on his back and kicked Dennis off. Luckily, Dennis landed on the softest rock he could find. And what is the first thing Dennis does? He gets to his feet and takes a practice golf swing. If he can still swing a club, then all is OK. Quaid is one of the top celebrity golfers out there and plays 18 just about every day.
We see a clip of The Express. In the scene, Coach Dennis Quaid is in the locker room before a game in a heated argument with Syracuse Athletic Director Lew Andreas, played by Chelcie Ross. And when I saw the Syracuse Athletic Director, I thought, "Hey, that's Dan Devine!" Chelice Ross also played Notre Dame football coach Dan Devine in the 1993 film, "Rudy." And while browsing, I saw that Charles Dutton also appears in both "Rudy" and "The Express."
There will be months at a time when there is not a single movie that I want to see. Right now, there are about 5 on my list I want to see, but most likely won't.
ACT 4:
According to the latest polls, 18% of registered voters are still undecided. And they're the key to determining the election. We happen to have an undecided voter on our staff. Dave introduces the Late Show undecided voter, Joe Grossman.
The uncomfortable Joe Grossman enters and stands center stage. DAVE: "Thanks for chatting with us. Can I call you
Dennis Quaid; Sarah Chalke; and Buddy Guy. PLUS:Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; The New Late Show Fun Facts book; MSNBC News You Can Count On; Something Odd at the Presidential Debate; a Message from John McCain; a Top Ten list; and a Late Show Undecided Voter.
" . . . and now, Austrian logician . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1: COLD OPEN: We find Dave and Jude in the dressing room before the show. Jude is reading a newspaper. She mumbles, "Dismal. Horrible. Unbelievable." DAVE: "Are you reading about the economy?" JUDE: "No, I was just thinking about working here." DAVE: "Oh, SNAP!"
I liked the "Oh, snap!"
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES Bush: "I like to go out there . . . see the cows . . . . some of them talk to me." ACT 2:
Are you enjoying the presidential campaign? It's the longest campaign on record. This one started in 1967! Just a few more weeks, kids, just a few more weeks. And then we can sit back and cut an artery while we ponder Bush's pardons. I hate Presidential Pardons. What he should do is pardon some our debt. Instead of letting a lawbreaker out of jail, how about pardoning a hard working guy or gal who lost his job and has been swallowed up in debt?
And when Clinton caught so much grief in 2000 for his pardons, I remember GWBush remained very quiet. I imagine he's got a long list himself to spring on us on a Friday night during the holiday season.
Did I mention I had Presidential Pardons?
What? You still haven't gotten the Late Show Fun Facts book? What are you waiting for, to find it in the dollar bin? Better yet, why not go to the book store and read it right there . . .. . right there in the book store. And if someone confronts, simply tell them, "Lay off, squirrelly." And if you're a slow reader like Dave, the book can easily slip inside your jacket.
And don't forget, "The Late Show Fun Facts" book is on Oprah's Book Club . . . at least until the Cease and Desist order comes down.
Here's something new: "MSNBC News You Can Count On" -- We see NBC News analyst Howard Fineman state on MSNBC, "Sarah Palin is perfectly willing to touch it."
Anything for a vote, I guess.
Did you watch the Presidential Debate Tuesday night? Dave noticed something very odd. Something he did not expect to see at all. We take a look at a clip of the debate. There, sitting in the very first row . . . . . . . Kim Jong-Il. How? What? Who? It was either Kim Jong-Il or his brother . . . . . all together now . . . . . Mental Lee-Il.
And now it's time for "A Message from John McCain"
Senator McCain: "My friends / I can tell you right now / I don't / know / where / I am."
TOP TEN: Signs the Presidential Campaign is Getting Ugly
9. Next debate to be moderated by Jerry Springer.
7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house.
1. Obama's gloves are off; McCain's teeth are out.
ACT 3: DENNIS QUAID
In his new film, "The Express," Dennis plays the Syracuse football coach in the 1950's during the time Ernie Davis won the Heisman Trophy. Ernie became the first African American to win the trophy as the nation's top college football player. The film is about the times, the racial tension; and different cultures collapsing in on each other and how the elements come out on the other side. Dennis plays the hard-ass, old-fart coach trying to win a championship, while Ernie Davis was the sensitive and introspective but magnificent running back who would help get him there. Dennis describes Ernie Davis as being able to get to the "soft, creamy center" of the hardened coach. Dave laughs at the description and surmises that Dennis has been out on the promotional tour a bit too long.
Dennis is a dad of 11-month-old twins. For their first birthday, the family is going to Disneyland! Isn't Disneyland a bit too young for 1-year-olds? Dennis says it is, but he is looking forward to watching them take a nape and at the happiest place on earth. Dennis says he will also enjoy the rollercoasters with his 16-year-old son, Jack. And speaking of rollercoasters, Jack just got his license. For this first car, Dennis bought Jack a tank. Can't be too careful.
Jack also has a ranch in Montana and he likes to ride the horses. Like anyone who has ridden a motorcycle, all horseback riders have a story of being tossed. Dennis blames the loco weed that grows wild in Montana for making his horse a bit loopy. Without warning, the horse had enough of someone sitting on his back and kicked Dennis off. Luckily, Dennis landed on the softest rock he could find. And what is the first thing Dennis does? He gets to his feet and takes a practice golf swing. If he can still swing a club, then all is OK. Quaid is one of the top celebrity golfers out there and plays 18 just about every day.
We see a clip of The Express. In the scene, Coach Dennis Quaid is in the locker room before a game in a heated argument with Syracuse Athletic Director Lew Andreas, played by Chelcie Ross. And when I saw the Syracuse Athletic Director, I thought, "Hey, that's Dan Devine!" Chelice Ross also played Notre Dame football coach Dan Devine in the 1993 film, "Rudy." And while browsing, I saw that Charles Dutton also appears in both "Rudy" and "The Express."
There will be months at a time when there is not a single movie that I want to see. Right now, there are about 5 on my list I want to see, but most likely won't.
ACT 4:
According to the latest polls, 18% of registered voters are still undecided. And they're the key to determining the election. We happen to have an undecided voter on our staff. Dave introduces the Late Show undecided voter, Joe Grossman.
The uncomfortable Joe Grossman enters and stands center stage. DAVE: "Thanks for chatting with us. Can I call you
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