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Wednesday, January 28, 2015 Tom Brady's hat causes an international incident.

Show #4150
Rachel Maddow, Ben Schwartz, and Marty Stuart and His Fabulous Superlatives.  
Plus: the National Weather Service; the Obamas in Saudi Arabia; and a Dave apology.
 
“From the Teen Center in West Hartford, Connecticut, it's the Late Show with David Letterman.  Tonight: Rachel Maddow, from “House of Lies” Ben Schwartz, and music from Marty Stuart and His Fabulous Superlatives.  Plus: Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra.  I’m Alan Kalter.  And now, a man who’s been hunkering back up . . . . . . . . .  David Letterman!”
 
ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
-“The Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson says God cares about football.   Unfortunately, God has a grand on the Patriots.”
 
In the wake of this week’s overblown blizzard forecasting for New York City, the National Weather Service is making some changes.  They released this statement earlier today.
ANNOUNCE: "The National Weather Service apologizes for not doing enough to communicate uncertainty about our blizzard forecast for New York City.  Effective immediately, we're implementing changes to improve the accuracy of our snowfall predictions."
Cut to a clip of a lottery drawing, where numbered ping pong balls emerge one at a time.   
ANNOUNCE: "This Friday, expect (waiting for a Ping Pong ball to appear.  A 12 falls out) . . .  12 to (next ball, 28) . . . 28 inches of snow.
A message from the National Weather Service."
 
Uh oh, somebody is always unhappy, always with a complaint.   The Obamas attended a memorial service in Saudi Arabia for the deceased King Abdullah.    Their appearance upset some Saudis.  We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "The Obamas visit to Saudi Arabia sparked controversy with many in the ultra-conservative Muslim country upset that the First Lady did not cover her hair. It was the second time in a week that the Saudis were annoyed by an American's head covering choice."
Cut to clip of Tom Brady’s press conference where he is wearing the Patriots ski hat.
ANNOUNCE: “Jim Factball, CNN.”
 
ACT 2
Did you see Dave and Paul with Regis on the Late Late Show last night?  It was shot down the street at the CBS building in front of an empty audience.     Dave recaps the visit.  It was taped at 7:30 and Dave admits to being surprised that Regis was still up.  The green room was magnificent; so much bigger and better than ours.    And when Dave and Paul walked into the studio, it was like . . . . .  Dave expected to hear harps playing it was so filled with splendor.   And you wouldn’t believe the size of the Lucite table.   Dave believes it to be the world’s largest single piece of Lucite.   Well, during the taping of program, Dave may have said some things that were not taken kindly.  Dave wanted to know where the new guy is.  Why isn’t he here?  What’s he waiting for?   How much prep does he need?  He’s got the job; he should be here.
Dave then referred to the new host of the Late Late Show, James Corden, as being “tubby.”   And this morning, 7:00 AM California time, Dave’s phone was ringing.  The future producer of “The Late Late Show” was pained by Dave’s description of Corden as “tubby.”   Dave senses the time Corden was here that he may have been a bit . . . tubby.  But he isn’t really tubby at all.  Dave wonders why or where he got that impression.   (I don’t know, maybe from the impression in the guest chair?  Hey-Ohhh!)     Dave spends the next few minutes apologizing for his “tubby” remark.   It was a thoughtless comment.   Oh, and by the way, James Corden will be another “Jimmy” on late night television.   We take a look at Mr. Corden, and we see he isn’t really tubby at all, although he does have a way about him that makes you think he was growing up.   
The new Corden show premieres March  23rd as “The Late Late Show with James Corden.”  He will premiere right after Villanova is crowned the Men’s NCAA basketball champions.  Or Marist.
 
ACT 3:
Dave isn’t quite done with his apology.   He figures they must have been mad in California for them to get up at 7:00 AM to make a call.  Another look at James Corden shows that he isn’t a tubby fellow.   Dave realizes it’s quite difficult to lose weight.  Dave once topped out at 205.   I once found myself tipping the scales at 197.   I decided to hit the carbs hard to hit 200 and then go on a diet.  I wanted to hit the 200 mark just to see what it was like.   I found it delicious.
 
RACHEL MADDOW
Dave doesn’t know what to make of the problems of the world.   If it’s difficult for him, it must be very wearing for someone who makes a living following such things.  This is why Dave is getting so much delight out of the around-the-clock nonsense of an under-inflated football.  It keeps us from thinking of realities of the world.    It actually is a big deal because, according to Dave, studies have shown that deflated footballs can account for 45 points a game.   On her program, Rachel recreated a possible theory of how and where 11 footballs could be deflated in a bathroom in 90 seconds.   The best they could do was eight.  
Let’s take a moment . . . . think of walking past a bathroom and hearing the sound of gas escaping 11 footballs.  Right . . .  you would continue to the next bathroom.
I am so glad we had Rachel here to talk football!
We then touch upon the Obamas visit to Saudi Arabia.    The Saudis are our friends.   Iran is not.   But how much difference is there between the two.   The whole thing is like living with middle-school girls.
Excited for the 2016 Presidential Campaign?   Oh, boy!   Who cannot hope for a run by Sarah Palin?  The Republicans are in trouble because they have about 20 potential candidates, all weak.  The Democrats are putting all their eggs in Hillary’s basket.   If she flounders in the primaries, then what?    More fun, I say.
Dave asks about Rand Paul.   He says that some of what he says makes sense, then ponders aloud, “Does that alienate the Republican Party?”   I found that amusing.
 
Rachel Maddow – find her on “The Rachel Maddow Show” weeknights at 9:00 PM.
Late Show Selfie: it’s Rick Scheckman and Susan Miller.
 
ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “Get back here tomorrow for Dave and John Oliver, Mayim Bialik, and Death Cab For Cutie.  We’ll be right back with a look at yesterday’s traffic conditions.”
 
ACT 6:
BEN SCHWARTZ
A local makes good!  Ben was a CBS Page here at the Late Show a decade ago.  Now he’s on Showtime’s big hit, “House of Lies.”   How’d he get from there to here?   Ben says he was a Page, which got him access to offering monologue jokes for the show.  He recalls standing along the wall in the audience waiting for one of his jokes.  Whenever Dave would introduce Paul at the end of the monologue and none of his jokes were used, Ben would shout out in disgust, “C’mon!”   He was never sure if Dave was aware of that.  
 
From Paging at the Late Show, Ben made his way west to Los Angeles.    A month passed and he got a part in a pilot, and he was scribing jokes for the Academy Awards.   Yeah, it’s just that easy!   He remembers writing for the Academy Awards, but at the same time living in his friend’s apartment in a makeshift tent.   His belongings were kept in a rented car.   (When I lived in Manhattan, I was one of the few who had a car.   I told people I needed the closet space)
And now is on “House of Lies.”  And you can see him in a recurring role on “Parks and Recreation.” 
 
ACT 7:
MARTY STUART AND HIS FABULOUS SUPERLATIVES
From their current album, “Saturday Night/Sunday Morning,” the incredible group performed “Streamline.”   Now they know how to play their instruments!
And look for Marty’s book of photography, “American Ballads.” In stores now.
 
And that was our show for Wednesday, January 28, 2015.

 
I’m going for the worst joke here . . . .
I hope the New England Patriots lose.   Add that to the blundering snow forecast for New York City on Tuesday and I’ll be able to say, “It was a bad week for European Models.”   Yeah, you can use that if you want. 
 
Did you watch “60 Minutes” Sunday night?   John Boehner was on.  His tie caught my eye.   It was a red tie with crabs on it.   Why crabs?  Is he from Maryland?  No.   He’s from the Midwest . . . Ohio.    Hmmm.  I Googled “Crab tie.”   Found it.  It’s a Hunter & Coggins tie.   Hunter & Coggins . . . from Ohio, right?   Nope.  From North Carolina.    Not sure of the significance of a tie with crabs on it.   Maybe there is no significance.  What I did find significant is the tie goes for $75.   Ties shouldn’t go for $75, should they?     Why don’t politicians realize their constituents don’t want to see them wearing $75 ties.   I bet he was born into money.  Nope.   He was one of 12 kids in the family; 2 bedroom house, 1 bathroom.   Well, now, that deserves an “Atta, boy, Boehner,” but . . . c’mon, $75 for a tie?
You gotta remember, there were no real football games on Sunday.  I had a lot of time on my hands.  I spent it looking up ties on the computer.
You know what’s scary?  $75 for a tie is probably the going rate.  I once bought a tie on the street for $3.   I went to have it dry-cleaned.  Cost $4.
 
DeBlasio and officials trying to explain away their actions concerning the snowstorm . . .  listen again.   Instead of the snow, pretend they are police officers explain what they had to do.  There was a lot of “We did this because remember the time . . . . “
 
I’m going for another “worst joke”:
Guilty party in the football scandal.  Goes by the name Die Fledermaus.
 
Politico headline
“Rand Paul: I'd shoot a drone out of the sky”
I’m ahead of him on this.  Remember I said how drones are becoming more and more popular.    What was my suggestion?    Invest in Daisy BB Guns.  And slingshots.

Here’s something fun to do.  Every now and then, Alan has to re-do the opening announce or the ACT 1 tease for some reason, usually no fault of his own.    He’ll do the re-do after the show in front of an empty audience.   Can you tell?   Is there a difference in the energy?
 
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From East Windsor, New Jersey, it’s long-timer Mike Henderson.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER


Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike
 

Tonight's Guests

Aziz Ansari
Brian Kiley
Ben Howard

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, January 28
Tom Brady's hat causes an international incident.
Tuesday, January 27
Staffer Kathy Mavrikakis checks in on the elderly.
Monday, January 26
Mayor Bill de Blasio invites you to Blizzard-town.
Friday, January 16
Rupert's comedy gets a cold call.
Thursday, January 15
Larry David finds himself in a big pickle.