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Tuesday, August 26, 2014 Is this the "Late Show" or "Jailhouse Rock"?
Show #4074
Howie Mandel, Rachel Maddow, and EMA.
PLUS: Primetime Emmy Award Lies; John Boehner's House; a Visit from Mayor de Blasio; Just For Men Who Are President; a VMA Roundup; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . . and now, the Lord Mayor of Perth . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Regis Is celebrating his 89th birthday. He had a nice party. The cake had seven layers . . . like Regis' makeup."

I think Dave knows Regis turned 83, not 89. I also think Dave finds enjoyment of picturing Regis at home watching the TV and getting mad at Dave saying he's 89.

Watch the Emmy Awards last night. I did, but didn't see us at all. We put together a lie detector test to detect "Primetime Emmy Award Lies." Our friend Ed Gelb conducted the test. We take a look at the results from last night's Emmy Awards.
ART CARD: PRIMETIME EMMY AWARD LIES
BERTRAM VAN MUNSTER (accepting the Emmy): "I can assure you we didn't expect this at all."
KATHY BATES (accepting the Emmy): "I was sure I wasn't going to win"
COLIN BUCKEY (accepting the Emmy): "This is such a surprise."
SARAH SILVERMAN (accepting the Emmy): "This didn't even occur to me."
BRYAN CRANSTON (accepting the Emmy): "Even I thought about voting for Matthew."
JESSICA LANGE (accepting the Emmy): "I'm profoundly surprised at this."
ART CARD: PRIMETIME EMMY AWARD LIES

Who is Ed Gelb? Oh, just a ten-year-old reference about a guy who claimed to have a PhD and was interviewed many times on TV as an expert on polygraph tests. Not sure how many people got the Ed Gelb reference. I didn't.

Congress has been out of session all summer and it's getting time for them to return to DC. Dave decides he wants to see how Speaker of the House John Boehner is spending his summer. We go to a LIVE camera at the Boehner house. We find him sitting on a chair with a toy monkey on his lap. The monkey plays the cymbals. Boehner couldn't be more proud.
Congress! Getting it done!

Out of the clip, we find New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio standing by Dave.
DAVE: "Hello, can I help you?"
de BLASIO: "Hello, Dave. I'm Bill de Blasio, Mayor of New York City."
DAVE: "Wow, it's an honor to have you here. What can I do for you?"
De BLASIO: "I was just in the neighborhood and couldn't leave without stopping by to say hello to you and your wonderful listeners."
DAVE: "That's very kind of you to think of us, Mr. Mayor."
De BLASIO: "And I just want to let everyone know I'm back from vacation!" (de Blasio clasps his hands overhead in triumph --- Dave is confused.)
DAVE: "That's . . . great."
De Blasio extends his hand to Dave and the shake. A photographer steps and snaps a photo.
De Blasio: "See you at the polls in November."
He exits.

Dave was watching the TV today and saw the President doing some presidenting. Dave was a bit alarmed at how much the President has aged during his two terms. His hair is graying at an alarming rate, a problem I wouldn't mind having. Well, someone is trying to cash in on this. We take a look at this commercial.
ANNOUNCE: "Are you going gray and also leading the free world? Make an executive decision to try new Just For Men Who Are President, the only hair coloring system PH balanced to handle the symptoms of the most stressful job in the world."
(we see the boxed produce with youthful President Obama on display)
ANNOUNCE: "And you're just a heartbeat away from tranquility with new Just For Men Who Are Vice President Bubble Bath Foam."
(we see V.P. Biden in a bubblebath bathtub giving his hair a good scrub.
ANNOUNCE: "Sold exclusively in the U.S. Capitol parking lot."

Did you watch the Video Music Awards on Sunday night? If so, you're in luck. And in addition to that, we put together this MTV Video Music Awards Roundup. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "The 2014 MTV Video Music Awards featured stunning performances by Nicki Minaj, Iggy Azalea, Jazzy Perkins, LuLu Poof, 8-Trees, Turner the Human, Rappy, Lemon Peach, Big Janet, Whiskers, Professor Versowitz, Miss Bench, Juicy Bench, and of course, Dupie Dupie.
A message from MTV: our slogan is a secret."

ACT 2:
TOP TEN
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT DAVID BLAINE'S PRISON MAGIC SHOW
10. "Think of a number from twenty to life"
9. "I need a volunteer, you in the orange jumpsuit"
8. "A creepy guy covered in tattoos -- in prison?"
7. "Let's see the handcuff trick again"
6. "I wouldn't be here if I'd completed my degree at Western Illinois"
5. "Get him!"
4. "Isn't prison magical enough already?"
3. "Tell me how you did that or I'll kill you"
2. "Can you make my forensic evidence disappear?"
1. "I'm going to Abraca-stab ya

Dave didn't read from my Top Ten informational blue card. I explained, "Magician David Blaine performed before a captive audience at a Manhattan prison facility known as The Tombs." I wanted to see if he would comment on the "captive audience" mention. BUZZ!

I gave in a few for tonight's Top Ten just in case needed. I had high hopes for "I got 25-to-life when I sawed a woman in half." BUZZ. I also suggested, "He can swallow a sword, but can he swallow the prison meatloaf."

ACT 3:
HOWIE MANDEL
Dressed in all black, Dave says Howie looks like a street performer. Dave and Howie have known each other for 38 years. Then Howie had that big hit on that "Hill House Blues." Howie corrects Dave, "St. Elsewhere," where he played a doctor. The show lasted 6 years and a lot of today's stars got their start on the show. The role of a doctor has stayed with Howie a long time. He learned a lot of what a doctor should know and which he still remembers. Howie then explains what to do when confronted with a gunshot wound to the chest.
Howie is now a judge on "America's Got Talent." He finds that in the streets of New York, passersby will stop him and audition. A woman had her daughter do some kind of dance that looked like it required a pole. Dave says Howie's duties on "America's Got Talent" seem to be kind of . . . . . limited. Howie doesn't disagree at all. He says his job is to be a paid viewer. He's no different from any guy at home sitting on the sofa in his underpants watching the show, except Howie has pants. Dave agrees, saying it doesn't sound like a lot of work. An excited Howie wants to keep that a secret, and whispers, "I don't do a thing!" It reminds me of a saying I have here. When asked, "How many people work here?" I answer, "About half."

"America's Got Talent" - Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 9:00 PM on the NBC.

ACT 4:
RACHEL MADDOW
With the world changing every day, it's hard to keep up. It's understandable to feel lost and dumb and behind when trying to keep abreast with the current events. Dave asks Rachel to catch him up. What's the deal with al Qaeda? What's the deal with ISIS? Who are they? What are they? And why do they hate us? Rachel explains al Qaeda hates us. ISIS hates us, but al Qaeda also hates ISIS. Does that mean the enemy of our enemy is our friend? Not in this case, I believe. Al Qaeda thinks ISIS is too extreme. Yikes. If al Qaeda thinks that . . . . . I think we better listen. What can we do to make things better? Good question. What may make things better today may have consequences down the line. So why not just walk away from this and let them handle it. 911 let us know that's not possible. They are more than willing to bring it to us. And they've been bringing it to us long before 911. Of course, the majority over there just want to live their lives and get by to the next day; food on the table, a roof overhead, a job to go to.
And how are we doing in Ferguson, Missouri? Rachel says the questionable way the Ferguson PD released information about the incident caused a lot of the unrest. Also, the makeup of the Ferguson police department doesn't reflect the makeup of the community. And this isn't just so in Ferguson. There is a distrust, a systemic problem between the community and the police department. You would think that this would be behind us by now.

"The Rachel Maddow Show" - weeknights at 9:00 on the MSNBC.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes James McAvoy, and The Last Internationale. 'He was high-falutin', a friend of Rasputin.' That's all I've got so far for my rap about Czar Nicholas II."

ACT 7:
EMA
From her new album, "The Future's Void," and making her network television debut, EMA performed "Neuromancer." EMA, pronounced E.M.A. is her initials for Erika M. Anderson.

And that was our show for Tuesday August 26, 2014.

As I moved in my daughter at Villanova, a mountain of boxes grew by the dorm entrance. Empty boxes of TV's and refrigerators and microwaves that were going into the rooms . . . every convenience of home. Back in my day we had none of that. Refrigerators weren't allowed, microwaves barely existed, few had a black and white TV. What to do? Well, we all had to go to the lounge for these luxuries, and it was there you met your dorm mates. With all these conveniences at the fingertips of today's college students, there is no need to leave the room. This only makes it harder to accidentally meet someone. And where are all the stereo systems? In my day, that's all that was needed. And with stereos . . . loud playing stereos . . . you got to hear music you wouldn't usually hear on your own. You would have to listen to his music, and her music, and that person's music, and that very strange person's music down the hall. In other words, you would be exposed to stuff! Not so much anymore. It's the Cocoon Generation.
Without stereos, I would have never learned of "Chicken Train" by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. John Prine may still be a stranger. On the other hand, without stereos I could have skipped Boston, Kansas, Journey, and Foreigner.

I've been a New York City police officer, a high school quarterback, the creator of the longest, continuous running blog on the internet, and appeared many times on television with some of today's biggest stars, but nothing has impressed my daughters as much as the number of "LIKES" and "COMMENTS" I got for a recent photo of me on the beach in a pink Pabst shirt holding a can of Piels beer. They look at me with so much more admiration. I think they think I'm somebody now. I just want to thank all of you who helped elevate my status at home. Who knew Piels still held such clout?

The good people at CBS and Vinnie Favale, VP of Late Night Programming, East Coast, provided lunch for the staff and crew on Monday to celebrate our 21st year on CBS. By the time I was ready, the lunch had moved on. I missed out. But on Tuesday, Dave provided lunch. Believe me, I took double-advantage of this. I was owed. I worked most the afternoon with my belt loosened and the button to my pants undone.

I see where Friday's previously-viewed Late Show is the Serena Williams show from last week, the one I haven't seen yet, the one I haven't written a Wahoo for . . . . well, here's my second chance. Damn. Look for a new Wahoo for this Friday's old show.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Slate Hill, New York, it's the vacuum at 3rd base, it's birthday boy Johnny The Duke, John DelRegno
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

James McAvoy
Chris "Mad Dog" Russo
The Last Internationale

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