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Thursday, October 30, 2014 A rare appearance by former Associate Director Pete Fatovich.
Show #4109
Brian Williams, and Perfume Genius.
PLUS: The origin of the Ouija board; Apple CEO announces he's gay; highlights of Madison Bumgarner's post-season; a Top Ten list; George Clarke turns on the heat; and Dave gets a free Chevy truck.

" . . . and now, with the voice of an angel . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "A football fan in Denver left the Bronco game at halftime and went on a walk because he was tired of football. He was found a week later 100 miles away. That's me during Thanksgiving with my relatives."
- "The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last night. The victory celebration was followed by another tribute to Derek Jeter."

The number one movie in America is "Ouija," the film about a board game. In the movie, teens get in touch with the afterlife using the Ouija board. Ever wonder how the game originated? We have some archival footage that looks to be nearly a hundred years old, but was actually taped just yesterday. We see grainy black and white footage. A gentleman is pitching the board game to a curmudgeoned toy magnate from Hasbro. We peek in on the sales pitch.
ART CARD: THE ORIGIN OF THE OUIJA BOARD
CAPTION: HASBRO HEADQUARTERS - 1926
PITCHMAN: "It's a game that acts as a gateway to the spirit world, so demons can cross over and torment your family. We'll sell it to kids!"
MAGNATE: (pauses a beat, then leans forward) "I love it!" (slaps a briefcase on the desk) "Here's a million dollars!"
PITCHMAN: (to camera) "Thanks, Satan!"
An RKO Radio Picture.
The pitchman was played by the great Pete Fatovich; the magnate by me.

Did you hear this? The CEO of Apple Tim Cook announced today that he is gay. I'm old enough to remember when that would be a shocking revelation. Now it's not much more than a ho-hum. We take a look at this announcement.
ANNOUNCE: "Apple CEO Tim Cook has officially announced that he is gay. Rival Samsung immediately responded by saying their CEO is 50% more gay. More phony news, after this."

Hey, how 'bout the San Francisco Giants! Nothing like a World Series Game 7. It was a great show put on by both the Giants and the Kansas City Royals. And this Madison Bumgarner . . . what a performance! He pitched like no man ever before on baseball's biggest stage. He was naturally named the World Series Most Valuable Player. We take a look at why, in this "Madison Bumgarner's Post-Season Highlights"
ART CARD: MADISON BUMGARNER'S POST-SEASON HIGHLIGHTS
We see a montage of Mr. MVP shooting snot-rockets from his nostrils. Yup. You gotta breathe right to pitch right.
ART CARD: MADISON BUMGARNER'S POST-SEASON HIGHLIGHTS

ACT 2:
San Francisco Giants pitcher and World Series MVP Madison Bumgarner received a Chevrolet truck for his MVP selection. Did you see the presentation following the game by the Chevrolet Sales and Marketing Regional Zone Manager Rikk Wilde? We take a quick look-see of a video tape. Yeah, it was pretty uncomfortable. It was a very smooth presentation, but I'm sure Madison didn't mind. Heck, he got a free Chevy truck; a real beauty. Well, Dave's a big fan of free stuff. Somehow, Dave was selected, or maybe he campaigned for one, Dave was selected to receive a free Chevy truck, too. How about that! And Rikk Wilde is here tonight to make the presentation. Dave calls for Rikk to come on out.
Big Rikk comes barreling out of the guest entrance at his full speed and tosses a set of keys to Dave. Rikk continues to run up the audience aisle towards the back doors. Ooops. Looks like we forgot to tell him about our dessert table in the back for our audience after the show. Rikk runs right into it and the whole thing collapses. Cake is everywhere. Rikk gets up and finishes his exit.

TOP TEN: Again sponsored by M&Ms. It finally got to Dave. He wants some M&Ms, and not from the bowl in the back that's been out the entire week. He wants an unopened bag . . . plain. Uh oh. I'm a key guilty party of gorging myself on the M&M all week. We had every variety and I was trying to recall if we had any of the plain still in a bag. I wasn't sure, but I know they've been going freely all week. Dave mentioned on Monday that he wouldn't or couldn't or shouldn't have the M&Ms because of the sugar. That pretty much gave us a free pass to take advantage of my suggestion from Monday: "We should have some M&Ms standing by." A quick search uncovered a number of unopened bags, but none were plain. A quick run down the block got us what we needed.
TOP TEN LITTLE-KNOWN DEPARTMENTS AT WALMART
Yeah, Walmart blundered by advertising Halloween costumes for "Fat Girls." In order to get as far as their website, "Fat Girls" had to have been thought of as a good idea by somebody. I would like to know "Who".
TOP TEN LITTLE-KNOWN DEPARTMENTS AT WALMART
Thursday, October 30, 2014
10. Gay Pet Food
9. Big & Tall Baby
8. Men's Lingerie
7. Flooring And Ceilinging
6. Shower & Tub Camcorders
5. Loungewear For Clergy
4. Kmart Knock-Offs
3. Single-Use Furniture
2. Sarcastic Jets Fan Gear
1. Tools For Tools

ACT 3:
BRIAN WILLIAMS
This December marks 10 years of Brian at the helm of the NBC Nightly News. Not only is Mr. Williams talented, but so too is his offspring. Daughter Allison will be appearing in "Peter Pan Live" in December on NBC, a live production. Is Brian nervous for his daughter? No, not at all, because he's been listening to those song and dance numbers since for decades. Allison has been Peter Pan since she's been old enough to make a sound, performing in school plays, as Peter Pan for Halloween, or just running around the house. Allison IS Peter Pan, always has been, so all should go just fine.

Brian has a busy weekend. He's headed down to Texas to watch a Formula 1 race. Brian loves the stockcar/NASCAR, though his brother likes the Formula 1. Brian isn't very happy about that. NASCAR . . . the stockcar . . . now that's a race car. It's got fenders and loud, engine-sounding engines, and wheel wells, and spoilers, and carburetors, and a great throaty sound. Brian's been so busy this year that he hasn't had a chance to go to one NASCAR event, and now the first race he's going to is a Formula 1. Formula 1 is fine, but the cars don't have fenders . . . they sound like bees. There's no ROAR! Dave holds up two photos: one of a stockcar; one of a Formula 1 car. Now which one looks more like a race car? The two autophiles debate the qualities of both, neither able to convince the other of the better. At one point, Brian whined about the genteel structure of a Formula 1 car, sounding very much like the "bees" he earlier described. Dave has long been a fan of Formula 1 but admits that the money Ferrari puts into budgeting their engine runs near $200 million and it's causing Dave to lose interest.

Back from commercial, we find the plain M&Ms sprawled out on the desk. Dave and Brian do a snack and chat.
Hey, how 'bout that ebola?! Williams says there is so much to fear about the yearly flu. So many more Americans die from the flu each year than will die from Ebola. We need to put ebola in perspective.
And then there's the midterm elections, the exit polls, control of the Senate, the second term of Obama, ISIS . . . you know, News stuff. ISIS . . . you can't air-bomb an idea. And then there is that NASA rocket that just blew up. Mr. Williams isn't happy. NASA is using second-hand, old and used Russian rockets. We get so much from NASA research, and it's been downsized tremendously.

And now, Fun With M&Ms. Dave tosses one in the air and Brian snatches it in his mouth like a Jack Hanna animal. Damn guy's talented.

Jack and his nightly news - weeknights at 6:30 on the NBC.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "It's another great one tomorrow as Dave welcomes Keith Olbermann, comedian Brian Regan, Run the Jewels, and New Halloween Costumes. If I won the lottery, I would totally buy a luxury good."

ACT 6:
The seasons are changing and there's a chill in the air. Time for an annual event here at the Ed Sullivan Theater. We pay a visit with our building engineer George Clarke. He's in the boiler room. What's he got for us?
GEORGE: "Dave, it's time for me to 'turn on the heat!' Hit it, Paul!"
Paul and the band jump in to "The Stripper" theme. George begins to unbutton his shirt. Though sickened by what it taking place, Dave allows George to go through his striptease longer than we did in rehearsal. Dave finally puts a stop to the proceedings.

ACT 7:
PERFUME GENIUS:
From their new album, "Too Bright," the singer from Seattle performed "Queen." I enjoyed this a lot more than I expected. I'm 56.

And that was our show for Thursday October 30, 2014.

I remember Brian Williams' first appearance on the Late Show: September 6, 1996. If I recall correctly, he was a last-minute replacement. He was a bit of an unknown; considered by some here as merely a seat-filler for the night. At least I was guilty of thinking that. He sat and Dave said something like, "We're very happy to have you here." Mr. Williams quips back, "No you're not. We all know I'm here because you couldn't get anybody else." Or something like that. And the rest of his night was a hoot. Very funny, very quick, very casual, very good. This was before the Wahoo and before I kept as extensive notes as I do now, but I did note one thing Dave said to Brian Williams that night: "You may be too funny to be in news." And he's been one of the best guests on the Late Show ever since.

Rikk Wilde and the Chevy truck presentation in the locker room following the World Series . . . why was he selected? Was it "I wanna do it! I wanna do it! I wanna do it!" by Rikk, or did he simply get the job because of his title. And if it was placed on his lap, shouldn't he have realized his limitations and passed it on to a better spokesperson? He's probably a great sales and marketing guy, but perhaps truck presentations on national TV isn't his thing. No shame in that. If you're not a natural at it, it can be very daunting. I've embarrassed myself plenty of times when asked to perform on stage. If you're not used to it, it can turn bad very quickly, and then snowball. And once it starts to snowball, oh goodness, there is no way out. You learn to prepare, and prepare, and prepare, and when you feel you're starting to get comfortable, that's when you really have to get scared. You never want to feel too comfortable, and you can't over prepare. But you usually learn that the hard way.

I was smoking a cigar as the Hasbro executive getting pitched the Ouija board by Pete Fatovich. The cigar was first to be used as a simple prop, then suggested that I light it up and drag on it. I was more than happy to. I puffed on it hard to get the smoke going. We did a number of takes since we had time. I later learned that there was some on the crew were snickering at my cigar smoking prowess, believing it was my first time with a cigar in my hand. This is not true. I was pulling hard on the cigar to get the smoke for the camera. I was doing it purposely for the artistic reasons. I've smoked cigars since I was in knickers, tugging on my father's trousers for a try. I've always enjoyed a cigar . . . up until they became a "thing". Once cigars were accepted by the "wanna be's" and used as a tool by the plaid-shorted, alligator polo-shirted, sockless crowd, I put mine down. When the price of two cigars matched the price of my box of 50, I knew it was time to give 'em up. But it was fun to draw on the stogie again.
And I've forgotten how much they stink.

Halloween tip:
Put out a big empty bowl on your front porch. Add a sign, "Take One."

IF ONLY
If only Alex Gordon had hustled . . .
And tried to score in the 9th with two outs . .
And was out . . .
But Buster Posey had blocked the plate...
And Ned Yost appealed the call ...
And the umpires had to call New York for a ruling ....
In a one-run game. . .
in the 9th inning ....
of Game 7 of the World Series.
If only Alex Gordon had hustled.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Cornhusker State, it's Toby Cummings.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OS A WAHOOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Keith Olbermann
Brian Regan
Run the Jewels

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Thursday, October 30
A rare appearance by former Associate Director Pete Fatovich.
Wednesday, October 29
Jim Carrey, now lickable!
Tuesday, October 28
Showbiz bling: Paul wears a jacket made of real gold!
Monday, October 27
The legendary Jerry Lee Lewis can't stop singing.
Saturday, October 18
Do Alan and Foo Fighters' Pat Smear have something going on ?