Sign In to CBS
With Social Account
With Email
Don't have an account? Create one for FREE!
Sign Up
Search By Date
M T W Th F
Friday, May 17, 2013 The dreaded Space Garfunkel of "Star Trek."
Show #3854
Will Arnett, Trevor Noah, and Kurt Vile.
PLUS: Solar Flares; the New, Racier Star Trek film; the Sneezing Monkey: Allergy Edition; Star Trek Villains; Stooge of the Night; a Top Ten List; and a Phone Call from Chris Christie.

" . . . . and now, kitchen Rambo . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
- "Republicans have mentioned the possibility of impeaching Obama. Barack put a stop to that with these two words: ‘President Biden.'" Isn't that the job of a vice president . . . to make the President look better than the alternative?

- "OJ Simpson is looking for a retrial. He is hoping to be the first person to have a ‘Trial of the Century' in two different centuries."

We're in a period of heightened solar activity. The sun has been ejecting some massive solar flares. We're not sure what to make of it. We have a live shot of the sun, filtered, so it won't harm your eyes. We take a look at the sun and its activity.
Graphic / lower left hand corner: COURTESTY OF NASA
The sun is yellow/orange hot. A flare shoots from the sun. The flare latches on to the "Courtesy of NASA" graphic and burns it to an ember. None of us ever saw that happen before. And probably the last time.

With the popularity of "Star Trek Into Darkness," there's already another sequel in the works. It seems a bit racier than the others. But that's what sells these days. We take a look at the new edgier and racier Star Trek film.
ANNOUNCE: "The Enterprise has traveled into darkness, and now comes the pulse-pounding sequel that takes you where no man has ventured in many years. "
We cut to "Star Trek Into Darkness" footage.
SULU: "If we're going to do this, we got to do this now!"
SPOCK: "We will not fit!"
CAPTAIN KIRK: "We'll fit! We'll fit!"
ANNOUNCE: "'Star Trek Into Martha Stewart."
Clip of Martha: "Get your buns ready."

What's old is new again. This has been one of the worst allergy seasons in recent memory. It's been particularly rough on Sherman, our sneezing monkey. We take a look.
We see the familiar shot of Sherman sitting in a chair. He sneezes, but this time his sneeze is looped accompanied by a Charlie Callas honk. I never knew allergies made your sneezes sound like Charlie Callas. Boy, what you learn . . . .

ACT 2:
The new "Star Trek" filmed opened on Thursday so we thought we'd take a look at some of the greatest villains in the history of Star Trek.
ANNOUNCE: "The bloodthirsty Klingons" (shot of Klingons)
"The merciless Khan" (shot of Khan)
The dreaded Space Garfunkel." (shot of "The Way To Eden" villain from the Star Trek TV series.) The villain looked a little like Ray Davies of the Kinks.
Google "The Way To Eden" and "Star Trek" --- he looks like Ray Davies, right?

Hey, do you know what time it is? Of course you do. It's time for "Stooge of the Night."
Tonight's Stooge: Republican Senator John Hoeven of North Dakota.
DAVE: "North Dakota Senator John Hoeven voted ‘NO' on gun reform legislation despite the fact that 94% . . . . that's right, 94% of voters in his state wanted background checks for gun buyers. ‘Hi, I'm John Hoeven, why can't these goons make up their minds?' Nobody knows what that means.
It's John Hoeven, and he's our ‘Stooge of the Night.'"


ACT 3:
"Arrested Development" is back! The extremely popular "Arrested Development" is back on the NetFlix. Yes, it was loved by many . . . . except for FOX. It ran for 3 seasons to wonderful critical acclaim. Unfortunately, when something is described as receiving "critical acclaim," it usually means it didn't do too well commercially. I only saw one episode but even then, when I heard FOX was killing it I suggested that CBS should pick it up. It seemed to have a very loyal following that wasn't yet discovered by the masses. One problem may have been the timing of their big premiere: It was up against the Torino Olympics.
Dave asks Will if he still smokes. Dave is fascinated by smokers, being a former himself. Will says he quit earlier this year on January 2nd. Will muses that resolutions shouldn't start on New Year's Day. It should be delayed a day. Will started smoking at the age of 13, as did Dave. He picked up the habit because it made him look cool. That's probably why I didn't take up smoking. I never wanted to look cool because if you looked cool, you had to have some coolness in you. I would quickly be discovered as a poser. Not being cool and knowing you're not cool if fine. it's cool. Pretending to be cool but not being cool is not cool at all. Well, recently, Will realized he's been at the smoking for 30 years. He's now onto the cigarette gum. He admits a morning "gum and coffee isn't quite as satisfying."
Dave misses the smoking and all that goes with it. He sighs, "It's too bad it's bad for you."

"Arrested Development" – it's on the NetFlix beginning May 26th where you can see all 15 new episodes.
And Will also can be seen this fall on the new CBS show, "The Millers." Welcome to the CBS family, Will. You'll love it. The company provides free lunch on the show's anniversaries!

ACT 4:
This is exciting! Or at least we pretend it is. On the phone is New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. (It is actually the Governor . . . though his lines are stolen from his recent appearance on the show.) Dave picks up the phone.
DAVE: "Governor, thanks for taking the time to speak with us."
GOVERNOR: "I love you, Dave."
DAVE: "Oh, thank you. I love you, too, Governor. So, I understand you've lost a little weight."
GOVERNOR: "You know, I have no idea."
DAVE: "Have you weighed yourself recently?"
GOVERNOR: "That's an enormous decision to make, and I just didn't feel ready."
DAVE: "What made you finally do this? Did family and friends try to convince you to have the surgery?"
GOVERNOR: "Sure. You have people like Henry Kissinger coming to see you and saying, ‘I think you need to do this for your country.'"
DAVE: "Wow. So have you had to cut back on foods that you love?"
GOVERNOR: "More than a little."
DAVE: "Is that difficult? What did you have for dinner tonight, for example?"
GOVERNOR: "Dairy Queen."
DAVE: "And what about lunch?"
GOVERNOR: "Hot dogs."
DAVE: "Are you still supposed to eat that kind of food?"
GOVERNOR: "I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, because in my heart I knew what I did was right."
DAVE: "Well, thank you very much again for your time. Is there anything else you'd like to say?"
GOVERNOR: "I'm huggable and lovable, David."
DAVE: "I'm sorry, what was that?"
The Governor hangs up.

If you listen closely, you can hear the stretching of a lap band.

Going into commercial: Backstage Photo Club – Supervising Editor Mark Spada

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "You'll want to join us again Monday for Dave and his guests Will Smith, and The National. Fun Fact! At the height of Mark Twain's popularity, 71% of American baby boys were named ‘Huckleberry.'
Keep watching."

ACT 6:
The very funny young comedian from South Africa has an off-Broadway show, "Born A Crime," on Wednesdays and Saturdays at 45 Bleeker here in New York City. He doesn't speak Spanish!
Trevor seems like a very nice, happy guy. He's new to New York City. I imagine New York will fix that.

ACT 7:
From his new album, "Wakin On A Daze," Kurt Vile performed "Walkin' On A Pretty Day."

And that was our show for Friday May 17, 2013.

Does the NetFlix read the Wahoo Gazette?
"Arrested Development" - From the April 25, 2005 Wahoo Gazette – eight years ago.
"AMATEUR PROGRAMMER: I'm no network programmer but I like to play one in the Wahoo, so if I were in charge here at CBS and FOX decided they were done with ‘Arrested Development,' I would grab it up in a split sec. I admit I've never seen the show but I like the commercials, the buzz is always great, and if my wife didn't hog the
TV Sunday night for ‘Desperate Housewives,' I would likely be a big fan."

And since I'm copying and pasting old Wahoos, let's try this:
"Kurt Vile: Where Have I Heard That Name Before?"
In November of last year, Julianna Margulies was a guest on the show. She told a story about a popular German singer during Hitler's time, Max Raabe. Dave was unfamiliar with Max Raabe. Dave then asked Julianna if she was familiar with singer Kurt Vile. She was not. I wasn't familiar either, so I Googled Kurt Vile. I found in the Wikipedia that Kurt Vile was born in 1980 and is an American musician, best known for his solo material and as a founding member of indie rock band The War on Drugs. It didn't make sense to me why Dave would mention Kurt Vile. I guessed since Julianna mentioned a singer which Dave was unfamiliar, Dave would mention a singer that she would be unfamiliar. And then I found out that Dave wasn't referring to Kurt Vile, but Kurt Weill. Not Kurt Vile . . . . Kurt Weill.
From the Wiki, I found that Kurt Weill was born in 1900. He was a German composer active in the 1920s and on. He developed "The Threepenny Opera" which included the ballad "Mack The Knife."

We couldn't get Kurt Weill on the show, but we did get Kurt Vile, first mentioned in the Wahoo Gazette on November 13, 2012.
Could a mere mention in the Wahoo Gazette get a music act on the show? Well, let's see. Let's try this: Tad Lathrop.

Looking for something more entertaining than the Wahoo Gazette? If in the San Francisco area, check out "Prelude to a Kiss" at The Custom Made Theater Company starring former "Jeopardy" champion Dave Sikula.

It's their anniversary! From Hillcrest, New York, congratulations to Gary and Eileen Wren.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.