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Tuesday, June 25, 2013 Cue card boy Todd delivers Dave's drugstore meds.
Show #3871
Channing Tatum, Tim DeChristopher, and Fitz and The Tantrums.
PLUS:A Local Lemonade Stand; Shows Under a Dome; Memorable Presidential Speeches on the Environment; How Dave Keeps Cool; a Top Ten list; and Dave's Pills Are Here.

" . . . . and now, urban sophisticate . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "It's 98 and insufferable. . . . like Regis."

Dave saw something cute today. It takes place all over America . . . young kids setting up a lemonade stand. It's the entrepreneurial and capitalistic way of America. We take a look outside to see how the lemonade mavens are doing. We see a young girl place an empty lemonade pitcher under a dripping air conditioner. It gives it that real New York City taste.

CBS has a new series called, "Under The Dome," about a town that's trapped under a mysterious dome. It got us to thinking about other shows that might be better with a dome. We take a look.
ART CARD: "SHOWS THAT WOULD BE BETTER UNDER A DOME"
We see Rachael Ray in her Rachael Ray kitchen offering up her tips on how to prepare spring pasta and stuff. She goes on and on until a dome is lowered over her. We can no longer hear her.
ANNOUNCE: "See you next time on 'Shows That Would Be Better Under a Dome.' "
ART CARD: "SHOWS THAT WOULD BE BETTER UNDER A DOME"

President Obama gave a major speech on Tuesday on Climate Change, which inspired us to put together a piece called, "MEMORABLE SPEECHES ON THE ENVIRONMENT." We take a look.
ART CARD: "MEMORABLE SPEECHES ON THE ENVIRONMENT
ANNOUNCE: "July 15, 1979." - We see Jimmy Carter speeching about an energy-secure nation.
ANNOUNCE: "January 25, 1984." - We see Ronald Reagan speeching about preserving our environment is common sense.
ANNOUNCE: "February 15, 2002." - We see George W. Bush: "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
ART CARD: "MEMORABLE SPEECHES ON THE ENVIRONMENT

ACT 2:
Dave gets it all the time. People come up to him in the street and ask, "Jimmy, how do you keep so cool in this heat while wearing a suit?" Well, Dave's kept it a secret up till now. It's revolutionary, it's cutting edge, it's still just a prototype. He directs a cameraman to swing around behind him. We get the shot of Dave's back to find he's wearing a backless suit jacket. The back is cut out. Dave is barebacked. We also discover that Dave has a huge tattoo on his back. When questioned by Paul, Dave says he got it a couple weeks ago at a street fair.

TOP TEN: QUESTIONS ON THE APPLICATION FOR ASYLUM IN ECUADOR
Edward Snowden is looking for a place to live. He's narrowed it down to Ecuador.
10. "What brings you to town?"
7. "Are you sure you're not just running from yourself?"
5. "Do you play drums?" (some of us immigration guys are starting a band.)
4. "Compare and contrast Paraguay and Uruguay"
3. "Are you travelling with an unlicensed monkey?"

ACT 3:
CHANNING TATUM
Channing enters and is met with squeals of "Channing!" from the audience. He's the Sexiest Man Alive, you know. Really? Didn't they see my audition tape? He's a new dad! We see a photo of Channing, his wife, and the newborn one-month-old Everly. It's a great photo. Dave likens it to the picture you get when you buy a picture frame. It's just that perfect. Raising a newborn is exhausting. Channing gets excited when he gets to change the diaper. It's the only thing he's allowed to do. Everything else is mom's job, and she wants it that way.
Channing is from the Mississippi/Alabama/Florida area. You don't know heat until you spend a summer down there. Channing loves the heat and thinks it's great to walk to the car and already being in a pool of sweat. Childhood was spent chasing frogs and alligators. Going for a swim you always realize that you are in the alligator's neighborhood. Gators are known to attack dogs so Channing brightly spray painted local alligator's head so his dog could see it coming . . . . forgetting that dogs are colorblind.
Channing's new film, "White House Down," looks to be a big action summer blockbuster. Channing pretends that there is a message in it, too. Dave isn't quite buying it. It's a blockbuster because of all the action and 'splosions.
"White House Down" - it opens this Friday.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave is interrupted by cue card boy and always eager to please Todd. He is lugging a Duane Reade bag. Todd plops down in the guest chair.
TODD: "I got your stuff from the drugstore."
DAVE: "Great, Todd. You can just leave the stuff right there. Thank you."
TODD: "the pharmacist had some instructions."
Todd starts taking out the prescription bottles one by one and places them on the desk.
TODD: "He said this is for the morning. This is for your foot thing. This is your bladder medication. This is your other bladder medication. This is for that mothball smell.
This, everyone on staff has to take one of these. This is for the swelling in your lips."
DAVE: "Uh huh. OK, but do you have anything in there for weak comedy?"
TODD: " . . . . No . . . that requires surgery."
Todd exits.

That's a lot of meds for Dave. And then on Tuesday . . . . .

How would you like to have been stuck behind Todd while he picked up that order.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "More blue chip entertainment tomorrow as Dave welcomes Jamie Foxx, from your Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks Patrick Kane, and Wale. Plus, a special Top Ten List with the Backstreet Boys."
Cut LIVE to Alan
ALAN: "I didn't even read that off cue cards. It's all up here."

Alan smiles and taps his head. It sounded hollow.

ACT 6:
TIM DECHRISTOPHER
He's an environmental activist and the subject of a new documentary, "Bidder 70." Tim became concerned about the global warming and climate change and decided to do something about it, but wasn't sure what he should do. In 2008, Tim went to protest a controversial auction of Utah public lands. The Bureau of Land Management had decided to auction off 149,000 acres of public land, much of which was adjacent to national parks. The land up for auction would likely go to developers who wanted what was underneath; oil and gas. The land would be destroyed and the parks ruined. Tim attended the auction but was still not sure what he was going to do. He wanted to disrupt the proceedings but didn't know how. He arrived at the auction and was asked, "Are you here to bid?" Tim decided, "Yeah, I am." Still not sure what his approach would be, Tim sat and waited. And then he found himself bidding on the land. He won 14 parcels in a row, covering over 22,000 acres, for $1.7 million. After a while, they stopped the auction and questioned him. Tim's actions voided the auction and held the sale up enough that the federal court ruled that the Bureau of Land Management violated protection laws. Tim was indicted on two federal felonies for fraud and sentenced to two years in prison.
How did Tim fare in prison? He says it wasn't that bad. Now that incarceration is big business, a lot of normal people are ending up on the inside. Dave's view on climate change is that it is too late to do anything. Change is too late. We are now in "adaptability mode." Tim agrees, saying we are on the verge of intense change of the world's climate and how we live.
"Bidder 70" - it refers to his paddle number at the land auction. It's now in theaters and available on DVD July 16th.

ACT 7:
FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS
From their album, "More Than Just A Dream," Fitz and The Tantrums performed "Out of My League."

And that was our show for Tuesday June 25, 2013.

Edward Snowdwen was heard softly singing,
"Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't catch me, I'm the Whistlerblower Man"

People often ask why do I consistently put my all into writing the Wahoo Gazette. Why don't I ease off and take a break with half an effort now and then? Like Joe DiMaggio, I think of that person who is reading the Wahoo Gazette for the very first time. I don't want to short them.
This got me to wondering . . . . today . . . . are more people reading the Wahoo Gazette for the very first time or are there more people reading the Wahoo Gazette for the very last time?

I wonder if Obama will see any "Welcome Home" signs on his trip.

There's a paved walkway between the West Side Highway and the Hudson River. During my morning and evening commutes, I see many bicyclist and joggers taking advantage of the beautiful view. Unfortunately, the commuters also take in the beautiful view . . . of the joggers and bicyclists. The men in their cars slow down to ogle any woman in shorts. These men are so pathetic. It's why I avoid the inside lane. The outside lane is for those who want to get someplace. The inside lane is for the neck-craners.

Better start thinking about it . . . . 6 months 'til Christmas.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Congers, New York, by way of Spring Valley, it's the birthday girl, Peggy Cullen
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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