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Wednesday, July 24, 2013 Dave's childhood rusty can returns to the spotlight.
Show #3884
New Summer Toys, Jason Sudeikis, and Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.
PLUS: Carlos Danger: Gaucho of Love; Anthony Weiner Update; get to know the anti-aging clinic; Anthony Weiner Focus Group; a visit with Edward Snowden; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, government issued . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"How long can you folks stay? We have about 300 Anthony Weiner jokes to get through."
-"I called to congratulate Jimmy Fallon on the birth of his baby daughter. He said, ‘Who is this?'"

Anthony Weiner is running for Mayor of New York City, but most Wahoo readers know him as Carlos Danger. A graphic comes sliding in along with a Paul Shaffer jingle: "Carlos Danger: Gaucho of Love."
Whenever Dave says Carlos Danger, we see and Carlos Danger graphic and jingle. During the monologue, it was decided, kinda, that we would use the jingle from a tape instead of doing it LI VE. Just as that message was being dispersed, Dave again referred to Carlos Danger. Paul and the band managed to fight through the confusion to present: "Carlos Danger: Gaucho of Love" with a whipsnap and sting at the end. For the rest of the night, Dave tried to catch Paul off-guard.

Time now for an Anthony Weiner Update.
ART CARD: ANTHONY WEINER UPDATE
We see a quick clip of the Weiner man saying: "It's getting harder and harder . . ."
ART CARD: ANTHONY WEINER UPDATE

Major League Baseball players are in trouble over their involvement with Biogenesis, a Florida anti-aging clinic. We put together an informative segment about it.
ART CARD: GET TO KNOW THE BIOGENESIS ANTI-AGING CLINIC
ANNOUNCE: "Biogenesis of America was a short-lived business in Coral Gables, Florida. Before closing in late 2012, the company is alleged to have supplied illegal anti-aging and performance-enhancing drugs to professional ballplayers. Key personnel of the anti-aging clinic include founder Anthony Bosch, 49, and marketing director-turned-whistle-blower Porter Fischer, 48."
The photos accompanying the 49-year-old Bosch and 48 year-old Fischer are of young teens.
ANNOUNCE: "This has been 'Get to Know the Biogenesis Anti-Aging Clinic.' "
ART CARD: GET TO KNOW THE BIOGENESIS ANTI-AGING CLINIC
They seem to be doing something right.

Every so often someone will gather a focus group of average Americans to discuss the issues of the day. CNN wanted to find out how the Anthony Weiner campaign is holding up. We watch.
ART CARD: "ANTHONY WEINER FOCUS GROUP / FRANK LUNTZ, POLLSTER"
We see a guy holding a seminar in front of 30 or so people.
Speaker: "Let's hear from some average Americans. By a show of hands, how many of you received a lewd message from Anthony Weiner?"
We see many in the crowd raising their hand.
Speaker: "That is . . . amazing! And how many of you wanted to receive a lewd message from Anthony Weiner?"
One hand goes up.
Speaker: "One of you."

ACT 2:
We've almost forgotten about the guy with all this news about Weiner and the royal baby, but do you remember Edward Snowden? He's still holed up at a Moscow Airport looking for a place to live. Maybe the United States should offer him asylum and see if he falls for it. We check in with Snowden to see what's new with him while in Russia.
We find Edward Snowden and Dave in a split screen. Snowden is eating a soft pretzel and wearing a furry hat.
DAVE: "There he is, Ed Snowden! Hey, Ed, good to see you."
SNOWDEN: (he's right in the middle of eating a pretzel): "Oh, sorry, man. I just took a bite of pretzel."
DAVE: "Oh, that's alright. Take your time. Don't worry about it. We'll wait." We wait.
SNOWDEN: (finishes) "Hey, Dave, you know the Russian word for ‘pretzel'?" DAVE: "No."
SNOWDEN: "Me neither! Hey, check it out! I've got a babushka!" (referring to his furry Russian hat)
DAVE: "Yeah, I noticed the hat. Where'd you get it?"
SNOWDEN: "This guy said I could have it if I let him borrow my computer. I said, 'N-S . . . A-O-K!' (Snowden laughs at his own joke) Babushka!"
DAVE: "You know, Ed, strictly speaking, that's not a babushka."
SNOWDEN: (ignoring Dave) "Babushka!"
DAVE: "Yeah, OK. Well, now, the U.S. government is saying that the information you stole from the NSA is not as vital as originally feared, do you have any second thoughts about what you've done?"
SNOWDEN: "Nah, I had information to leak, and it was only a matter of time until I felt the world was ready to take that . . . leak!"
DAVE: "Uh, huh. Now, Ed, if you're granted asylum, do you plan to stay in Russia and get a job and build a new life? Will your family be allowed to visit you?"
SNOWDEN: (looking off camera. Something has caught his eye)
DAVE: "Edward?"
SNOWDEN: "Oh, sorry, Dave. A smoking hot Aeroflot flight attendant just walked by. I'd wiretap that!" (laughs) "Babushka!"
DAVE: That's great. Well, we gotta go. Edward Snowden, ladies and gentlemen."
SNOWDEN: (yelling to the flight attendant) "Hey, Svetlana, where you Russian off to?" (laughs)
DAVE: "Das vedanya, Edward. We'll be right back."
Seems like a nice kid. Dave wishes he would get that thing on his neck removed.

TOP TEN: BRITISH EXPRESSIONS FOR GIVING BIRTH
We use the Top Ten open from our visit to London in May of 1995. The British English is colorful and interesting. Some common British expressions include:
-Donkey's years --- means a long long time.
-And Bob's your uncle --- means, and there you have it.
-You're a big girl's blouse --- (Dave doesn't give a meaning)
-It's monkeys outside --- it's very cold.

TOP TEN: BRITISH EXPRESSIONS FOR GIVING BIRTH
10. Exiting the Tube
9. Premiering Mr. Bean
8. Piersing your Morgan
7. Being tossed from the pub
6. Bucking the ham
5. BBC-Section
4. Kicking out Pete Best
3. Bending it like Beckham
2. Blowing a crumpet through a trumpet.
1. Opening big in the West End

ACT 3:
NEW SUMMER TOYS
– with Shannon Eis
Shannon is here on her bi-annual visit to show off her new toys. (bi-annual means "twice a year," right? Not once every two years.)
This is the first time Dave gets to see the toys, and I often think it's the first time Shannon is seeing them, too.
1. The Bubble Copter from ThinkGeek – The helicopter flies while shooting bubbles out of its ass. After some trouble, the chopper got to flying and the bubbles flew out. Best part was Paul Shaffer accompanying the bubble copter with Lawrence Welk music. Very nice for those of us who lived through the 60s and 70s.
2. The Flutterbyes from SpinMaster – the ballerina doll is similar to the Bubble Copter. Press a button and the ballerina doll flies like a helicopter. Nothing comes out of her ass, though. This finally got going after some effort.
3. Zoomer, from SpinMaster – a mechanical dog follows verbal commands from the master. Dave commanded Zoomer to play dead. After a swift whack to the back of the head, Zoomer listened. It played dead. I have something similar at home. Instead of a mechanical dog, I only have the batteries. Whenever I put them into a flashlight, I tell the flashlight to play dead. I then turn it on and nothing happens.
4. Big Squirt from Poof. A long skinny water balloon with a shooter at the end. Open the squirter and the water flies in a steady stream. Effective, but for how long? This one had potential. Functional and at a cheap price of $6.
5. AquaPod Pop Bottle Rocket Launcher – we had this as kids in a much small version. It was my annual drop in the holiday grab bag in grade school. I always tried to pick out my own gift. Dave pumps the rocket launcher with air to build up pressure. He stands back and the thing is activated and it flies high into the air. Dave's face was right over the rocket while he pumped in the air. Oh, yeah, I'm sure brothers and friends would never ever pull the launcher while you're pumping.
6. Crazy Cart from Razor – Dave gets in the tiny car and looks for something to run over. Unfortunately, it is much too fast and lacking in control for the first time user. Many on the staff were deeply concerned for Dave's safety . . . not so much for his sake, but for the sake of our jobs. We don't have a show if he is out.

And that was this summer's new toys. Dave laments that when he was a kid, all he had to play with was a really sharp stick. Some years later his parents let him play with an old rusty can.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave holds up a Fisher-Price old rusty can toy just like the one Dave used to play with. How old is that old rusty can? My first record of Dave mentioning his old rusty can toy was back on February 7, 2003, Show #1948. The rusty can in the Fisher-Price box made its maiden appearance on November 25, 2008. The box has been sitting back in the shack ever since just for moments like this.

JASON SUDEIKIS
One of Jason's favorite toys as a kid was the Slip ‘N Slide. Somehow, not matter where the Slip ‘N Slide was positioned, it always found a sharp rock. In no time there would be someone sliding on the belly and end up with a gash down from their clavicle to their hip.
Jason was from Kansas and most of his summers were spend going to basketball camp, followed by hours and hours and hours and practicing the drills on the Pete Maravich basketball tape. Jason figured if he did as told on the tape, he would eventually break all the record Pete Maravich set in college. Jason's career of drilling and practicing got him a place on the high school varsity team for four years and a spot on the Community College team. And that's where it ended. While in college, the basketball team had to share the field house with the rodeo team. The injured had to go to the same physical trainer.
Jason would often go to have a jammed finger looked at. Guys on the rodeo team would stumble in complaining of a popped lung or something like that.

Jason's tenure at Saturday Night Live is coming to an end. He spent a wonderful 10 years there but feels it is now time to move on. He really hasn't felt the affect yet since this is the normal down time. When August rolls around, he thinks he will then feel the pangs of having a great idea but having nothing to do with it. He knows he'll be racking his brain on how to make this 5-minute sketch into a 90-minute movie. (Hint: include an action montage with happenin' music)
Jason's new film is entitled, "We're The Millers." He has to move 2 tons of marijuana across the Mexican border. Jason adopts a family of miscreants to pose as his family to throw off officials. And then the fun begins.
We see a clip. The young kid in the clip reminded me a bit of Manny the Hippie. "We're The Millers" – it opens August 7th.

ACT 5:
ANOUNCE:
"Drop by again tomorrow for Dave and his guests Regis Philbin, and impressionist Terry Fator. Stay with us for the incredible true story of the overdue library book that traveled more than 200 miles to turn itself in."

ACT 7:
EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC ZEROS

From their eponymous 3rd album, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros performed "Life is Hard."
Liked it. Lotta sound.

And that was our show for Wednesday, July 24, 2013.

Jason Sudeikis played hours of basketball as a kid, hoping to make it big in college. I see a lot of high schoolers doing the same, hoping to get a college scholarship to play their sport. The only bad thing about getting a sports scholarship in college is that you then have to play that sport. Sorry, but there is too much going on, too much to see, too much to learn for you to waste time playing a sport. The scholarship part is great. Having to practice and play isn't. It's not worth it.

The info card for the Top Ten regarding British expressions . . . I included 4. Dave substituted "You're a big girl's blouse" for one of mine. I was going to include that one but thought it was more of an Australian expression. Dave, and I, first learned of the expression back on March 16, 2004 with guest Kate Winslet. She described Leonardo DiCaprio as a "big girl's blouse." She may have been teasing, but calling someone a "big girl's blouse" connotes a weak milquetoast. I've kept that term in my back pocket ever since and waited to use it at the right time.
And then just a few months ago, on May 14, 2013, out of the blue Dave pulled it out in a monologue joke:
-Monologue Joke: "Dick Cheney claims President Obama is falsifying truths to cover up Benghazi. Well, isn't he a big girl's blouse."
I guess I wasn't the only one who held that in their back pocket for all these years. And then he used it again last night leading into the Top Ten. I wonder what triggered that.

During the flying of the bubble helicopter, Paul played some Lawrence Welk music. Have you watched the Lawrence Welk show recently? It's on Sunday afternoons here in New York on one of the PBS stations. It really is at the same time an eye-opener and an eye-squeezer. You can't believe what you are watching. It's hard to believe that show was a big hit during my lifetime. It's a bunch of really nice people singing really nice songs with really really big smiles. I watch in fascination. The big smiles and the big hair and the simple songs were really able to bring in viewers. It was like from another world. I usually watch The Lawrence Welk Show when I'm looking for the Yankee Sunday day game
that's been moved to Sunday night . . . which means 3 times a month.

I want some of that Anthony Weiner gene. You know, do something really really stupid and embarrassing and not have the least bit of shame. Instead of being discovered and running to live in the deep corner of his basement for 7 years, Anthony Weiner decides to run for public office. How can he do that? I swear, politicians are not people. They are not like you or me. They are, like, from outer space. Who are these people?

The Rhode Island International Film Festival will be showing "Till Then: A Journey Through World War II Love Letters" – produced and written by my neighbor of youth, Vic Delregno.
Be there: August 8, 2013 with a prime 6:30 PM showing.

Time once again for "This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History." July 24, 2000: From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Neil Joellenbeck This concludes another installment of "This Date In Wahoo Gazette Cameo Mention History."

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Brittney Cox's brother-in-law, it's Brady Cox
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, April 9
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Tuesday, April 8
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Friday, April 4
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Thursday, April 3
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Wednesday, April 2
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