Dr. Phil, Danny Koker, and Dum Dum Girls.
PLUS: the State of the Union; What's on Against the Super Bowl; the Republican Response to the State of the Union; Someone Looking for the Toboggan Hill; Graham Fenwick-Jones; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . . and now, with a certificate of authenticity . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
During the pre-show Q&A, of which I rarely catch, a woman in the audience asked if Dave would do tonight's Top Ten List with his best southern accent. It was the reason behind much of his "y'alling" and stuff throughout the night.
- "The State of the Union Address did not get very good TV ratings. Experts believe it was because it was a State of the Union Address."
- "Next year, the State of the Union will be given by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler."
Over a hundred million Americans will watch the Super Bowl on Sunday on FOX, so that night, none of the other networks are running their "A" material. Why bother? We take a look at this CBS promo.
We see the familiar "60 Minutes" stopwatch.
ANNOUNCE: "Sunday on '60 Minutes' . . . (mundane clips of the following) . . . recreational softball, slow boats, people drinking coffee, and playful senior citizens."
End with the familiar "60 Minutes" stopwatch.
Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers of the State of Washington gave the Republican response to the State of the Union. There was an odd moment at the end. We watch.
We find Cathy Mc sitting on a small sofa by a cozy blanket and warm lamp.
CMR: "May God guide you and our President, and may God continue to bless the United States of America."
She takes the blanket and snuggles up to it and then switches off the lamp. The audience reaction was somewhat tepid . . . because it looked too real. I have to ask those people on the 7th floor how they do this magic. You really can't believe your eyes anymore, even if you see it on TV.
When we come back, we see a man in a winter parka and winter hat and gloves carrying a toboggan. Dave greets the lost man.
DAVE: "Oh, hello."
MAN: "Hi, I'm here for the toboggan slide."
DAVE: "Actually, the slide is a few blocks away, down in Times Square on Super Bowl Boulevard."
MAN: "Are you sure? Because this place seems like it's going down hill."
Rimshot - fanfare from Paul and the band.
DAVE: "Get out."
The man leaves.
Looks like Justin Bieber may be going to Canadian jail. Yet, this guy isn't? We take a look at the rampaging and out of control Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
Despite recent claims of bipartisanship between Republicans and Democrats, it was pretty obvious during the State of the Union that there's still considerable tension between the parties. We take a look at something that happened during the speech.
We see the President speeching. Behind him sits Biden and Boehner. The President hesitates a second in his speech, which is a signal to his supporters for them to applaud. Biden then reaches over and pushes Boehner off the podium and onto the floor of the Floor.
Now how is that going to help anything?
Big game this Sunday. Dave decides to get some expert analysis on the game from the CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones.
We go to a split screen of Dave and Fenwick-Jones. GFJ is in London.
DAVE: "Good evening, Graham. Thanks for joining us."
GRAHAM: (hesitates due to the satellite delay) "Good evening, Dave. How are they hanging?"
DAVE: "Who do you think will win on Sunday: Seattle or Denver?"
GRAHAM: " . . . . .They've each had a tremendous season, Dave, but the Broncos seem stone-bonker safe as houses. I've wagered some wonga, and I think I'll be quids-in. Although if they go pear-shaped, some ropey yobbos will sort me out, tonk my loaf, and stove my boat in."
DAVE: "I see. There's been some concern about the weather on Sunday. Is there any chance the cold will affect the game?"
GRAHAM: " . . . . You know what they say about the weather. It'll be a bit parky, and the taters will leave nesh players shrammed. But most of you seppo slummocks are such salad dodgers, your sausage fingers should be well-insulated and able to keep cramming stodge and spogs in your squicky slappy-holes."
DAVE: "Sure. I assumed people over there in the United Kingdom wouldn't really care about American football. Is that the case?"
GRAHAM: " . . . . .Trousers, Dave. On Super Bowl Sunday, every bloke from Norton-on-Derwent to Shrewsbury in Shropshire heads to the local to get two ticks from the old trouble-and-strife, watch the game, get snockered on wobbly pop, and go on the pull for a bit of slap-and-tickle with whatever blurt seems worth a squirt."
DAVE: "Thanks, Graham, you've been very helpful. By the way, I'm having a Super Bowl party at my house. You're welcome to come over if you want."
GRAHAM: " . . . . . . I'd rather have my knob and goolies yanked out of my Alans, stuffed in my lug holes, and pulled out my laughing gear, you scrotty tossbag."
DAVE: "Graham Fenwick-Jones, everybody."
I try to follow along in my script of what Graham is saying. I'm not sure how true he stays to what is written.
TOP TEN: PIECES OF ADVICE ROB FORD GAVE TO JUSTIN BIEBER - each item is followed by a Rob Ford clip. It's a Rob Ford "Best Of"
10. In public, comport yourself with dignity (vt)
9. Admit your mistakes (vt)
8. Find a friend with common interests (vt)
7. Always turn the other cheek (vt)
6. If you fall down, get right back up (vt)
5. Trust your artistic instincts (vt)
4. Check your weight regularly (vt)
3. Keep your head up (vt)
2. Always think before you speak (vt)
1. Respect people's personal space (vt)
See the clips on the Late Show website. And be sure to check out the Wahoo Gazette while you're there.
DR. PHIL MCGRAW - I always write out Dr. Phil's full name on the blue cards. It's a habit I picked up a while back when I was told it was a habit I should pick up.
Remember when it was thought that these two giants were going to beat each other up? Dave made much fun of Dr. Phil, and then when Dr. Phil came on the show, no one knew quite what to expect. Dr. Phil, a wise man, knew the attention Dave threw at him was great advertisement. Dr. Phil was more than able to handle the barbed arrows, and he was very adept and shooting them right back at Dave, which pleased Dave to no end. Dave loves to punch, but seems to get even more satisfaction with someone who is willing to punch back with a smile.
Hey, what's the deal with Justin Bieber? The Doctor says he is obviously not making the best choices. He doesn't understand how Justin doesn't have someone, or a few someones, whose only job is to keep him from being stupid in public. Dr. Phil says it's a combination of having too much money, too much time, and no accountability. Except for the money part, it sounds like college. Dr. Phil feels Justin needs a part-time job or something. And he's surrounded by people who will not tell him the truth. And young kids feel they are bulletproof. I think we all know many friends who, when younger, would have been doing the same if they had Bieber-money.
Did Dr. Phil smoke weed as a kid? Dr. Phil says he didn't. Did Dave? Dave says he did some dabbling but decided to quit when he would find himself too many times in front of an open freezer eating ice cream out of the carton. Dr. Phil thinks for a minute and says, "You know, maybe I did some weed."
Dave then hopes Dr. Phil can shed some light on his behavior towards Regis. Dave considers Regis a dear friend, but finds much enjoyment in making life difficult for him. The other night, Dave admits to screwing up Regis' show, and then afterwards suffering terrible guilt over it. Dr. Phil doesn't come out and say it but I think he was thinking how this may take a lot of couch time.
As always, an entertaining visit with Dr. Phil.
"Dr. Phil" - now in its 12th season.
ANNOUNCE: "It's another must-see Late Show tomorrow, with Dave and his guests Bill Murray, and Eagulls. When we come back, our stock analysts tell you which typewriter companies are poised for explosive growth."
He's from "Counting Cars" on History. I'm unfamiliar. Apparently on "Counting Cars," Danny and his men rebuild old, beat-up cars. Danny admits to being a car junkie. It's been in his life from the time he was a pup. He grew up in Detroit; his dad a Ford exec, so cars have always been important. Dave shows a photo of his old 1974 red Chevy truck. How long would it take Danny to get in there and have the whole thing redone, top to bottom, side to side, front to back . . . total restoration? Danny says he would have it back to Dave in a month. Dave is very impressed. Dave says he's already had it done some years back in California and it took them a year.
Danny is multi-talented. Not only does he know cars, but he's also in a 70s classic rock band called "Count 77," the proprietor of "Counts Kustoms"(a car and bike shop in Las Vegas), he owns a tattoo parlor, and a rock and roll club.
"Counting Cars" isn't Danny's first venture into television. His first work was as Count Cool Rider as the host of "Saturday Fright At The Movies." He was a vampire who loved Elvis who lived in Vegas. We see a clip. How that is not still on is a wonder.
"Counting Cars" - find it Tuesday nights on History, once known as the History Channel. It's always fun to see someone who is passionate with what he does. Danny oozes passion about his cars, bikes, and his band. No so much about "Saturday Frights At The Movies."
DUM DUM GIRLS
From their brand new album, "Too True," the band from Los Angeles performed "Rimbaud Eyes"
And that was our show for Thursday January 30, 2014.
During the monologue, Dave referenced college kids volunteering for the NFL during Super Bowl week here in the city. Yeah, like the NFL and the Super Bowl needs volunteers. Can they really not afford to pay them? Next week, I hear Warren Buffett will be looking for volunteers to rake his lawn.
Denise is in Puerto Rico this week with her sisters. I'm at home with my girls. I decided to do a bit of an experiment while she is away. I'm not going to do any cleaning or straightening or doing the dishes or the wash. It'll show the girls how important mommy is and how much she does for us. So far the experiment is going great. I haven't done a thing. The place is a mess, but I haven't done a thing!
I expect to be very busy all day Saturday, though.
NBA Commissioner David Stern was here on Wednesday to do the Top Ten. On my info card, I included that Stern would be retiring on February 1st after 30 years. But Dave didn't say "retiring." He said David Stern would be "stepping down". That's the stuff I'm interested in during the show. I realize now that there is a difference between "retiring" and "stepping down." I guess "retiring" means no more working. "Stepping down" means leaving the job, but will likely to continue to work someplace else. Noted for future use.
I ran the Late Show Big Game Pool again this year . . . 10 units a box. We play in "units" because money would be illegal. My numbers: Broncos 9 Seattle 7; Broncos 8 Seattle 5; Broncos 1 Seattle 6.
Game prediction: Broncos 18 --- Seattle 17.
Seattle will be leading late, 17-12. Broncs will have kicked 4 field goals. Denver then scores a touchdown late and goes for 2 to make it a 3-point game. They don't make it. The game ends that way: Broncos 18, Seattle 17.
There . . . now you don't even have to watch.
Michael Z. McIntee