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Wednesday, April 23, 2014 The Queen shows off her "double 8s"
Show #4016
Sally Field, Timothy Simons, and Needtobreathe.
PLUS: Wheel well news; the Queen’s 88th birthday portrait; a new tweet; a Top Ten list; and Alan Kalter with a new sponsor.

“ . . . . . and now, a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way . . . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-“New York City . . . what a city. Always doing something. Now they’re building a floating swimming pool in the East River. The only thing floating in there now is bodies.”
-“Hear about that kid who flew from California to San Jose in a plane’s wheel well? There’s only one thing worse than flying in the wheel well of a commercial airliner, and that’s flying in the middle wheel well.” (I enjoyed that joke more than I probably should have.)
-“It’s Prom season. I still remember my prom: the corsage, tiara, the strapless gown . . . . I looked terrific!” I’m gonna miss that joke when he’s gone.

Did you hear about the kid who flew from San Jose to Hawaii in the wheel well of a plane? This didn’t take long. Someone is already trying to capitalize on the situation. We watch this.
ANNOUNCE: "Delta Airlines is pleased to introduce the latest innovation in air travel: our new Wheel Well Elite Program! Avoid long lines and bothersome seat mates as you settle into the plane's undercarriage. Sit back and enjoy a Hollywood blockbuster as the plane reaches its cruising altitude. Drift off to hypoxia-induced sleep as the hours fly by, and you'll be the first to disembark."
Shot of a fellow dropping out of a plane’s wheel well onto the tarmac.
ANNOUNCE: "Delta Airlines Wheel Well Elite Program."

Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 88th birthday earlier this week. In honor of her birthday, an official portrait was prepared. Paul advises that every Queen gets her portrait done when celebrating “The double 8’s”. We take a look at the special unveiling of the Queen’s portrait.

We see grandson William with Kate removing the drape over the portrait. First we see the head of the crowned Queen, but when the drape is lowered . . . something is not right . . . . and then the drape is dropped. She’s topless! Wow! Must be one of those Red Hat Society deals.

ACT 2:
Coming back from commercial, we find Dave tapping away at his laptop to send out a tweet. A woman during the pre-show Q&A wondered if Dave would be doing “old favorites” on the show in this our last year. Dave gave a simple, “No.”
Dave then realized she could be on to something. We tweeted out this message: “Old Favorites?” Maybe we’ll re-broadcast, or re-create some old Late Show favorites on the show based on your suggestions.

TOP TEN: AL QAEDA RANCH NAMES – a woman in Oregon opened her 160-acre ranch as a “teaching-farm.” Before she knew it, it became an al Qaeda training ground. Not what she had in mind.
AL QAEDA RANCH NAMES
10. Rancho Explodo
9. Waterboard Hollow
8. The Dusty Kebab
7. Bonanzastan
6. Sandals
5. The O.K. Halal
4. Hidden Device Farms
3. The Rustling Burqua
2. Blind Sheik Creek
1. The Bomb-A-Rosa

SALLY FIELD
Huge applause for the legend, but somehow she doesn’t seem to have that deserved legendary status. The audience applause, though, would indicate otherwise. Heck, she’s won two Academy Awards! Ms. Field is now starring in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” as Peter Parker’s aunt. Is she a big fan of the Spider-Man? She dances around the question a bit until it becomes apparent that she hadn’t seen the first film. She’s not sure. But just to make sure, she’s says she is going to see it . . . again, maybe. Dave tells her that the first one made a billion dollars. Sally, with much surprise, “Did it! Wow! I’m gonna have to go see it.”

Sally got her big break in television by playing the ever-popular Gidget. She also played “The Flying Nun.” She wanted to get into movies and auditioned for certain parts but was typecast as TV’s sweet and innocent. She remembers showing up for one audition dressed and living the part of a tramp. You don’t go to an audition just to audition; you have to show up already playing the part. Dave finds it odd that in a world of imagination (acting/show business), there seems to be no imagination in the auditioning selection process. That’s why they are “suits” . . weasels in suits. She remembers sitting in the waiting room and overheard the director lambasting a subordinate, “Why is she here! She is wasting our time!”
Hey! Is it true Mrs. Doubtfire is coming back? It’s news to Sally.
Anything she’s heard is from the internets and the TV news.

Dave asks Sally about her brother. Sally proudly tells of her brother, Dr. Rick Field, “a high energy particle physicist, one of the finest scientist on earth.” He was one of the scientists who discovered the Higgs Boson particle, the “God Particle,” which may provide a path to uncover the birth of our existence. Dave calls it “crazy impressive!” Dave throws a bunch of questions about his work which Sally does her best to volley back. She admits her knowledge in this is limited. She says her brother spins these things around and smashes them together, colliding them, and . . . she sighs and says she hopes her brother isn’t watching because he would be burying his head at sister’s attempt to explain.
She visited him recently at CERN in Switzerland and we take a look at some photos. She does know that what he does is so vitally important to the world. And that’s the world we live in . . . everyone knows what Sally does and her deserved riches, and no one knows her brother the doctor.

“The Amazing Spider-Man 2” – it opens here in the U.S. on May 2nd. I have a feeling it’ll do well.

Nice job, Ms. Field. Totally charming and fun.

ACT 4:
While Dave and Paul are chatting about the lovely Sally Field, Alan Kalter attempts to interrupt. He finally gets Dave’s ear. It seems Alan has something to sell.
ALAN: "This portion of the ‘Late Show’ is brought to you by shoes, America's preferred foot covering. Shoes are available in a variety of sizes, like 2, 7 and 11 double-E. And shoes come in an assortment of colors, like brown and dark brown. So when you're heading out for a day at the park or a stroll with a loved one and you're looking for something on your feet, try shoes! Available in stores that sell shoes! Back to you, duckface. Thank you."

Back to Dave who is jotting something down on his blue card. I “Played The Dave.” What did I think Dave was writing down? “Not an old favorite.” DING! Yes, I was very proud of that one.

With all these sponsors in the show, it’s starting to sound like a Yankee radio broadcast.

Tonight’s inductee into the Backstage PhotoClub: Dave’s makeup artist, Jane Dipersio. Yeesh, talk about a full time job.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “We’ve got the show you want tomorrow, with Dave and his guests Neil Patrick Harris, Sarah Hyland, and Ray LaMontagne. To unsubscribe to these updates, say ‘unsubscribe’ now.”

ACT 6:
TIMOTHY SIMONS

From the HBO series, “Veep.” Dave is a big fan of “Veep” and finds the entire cast to be fantastic. He particularly enjoys the consummate jerk, a putz, portrayal by Simons. Timothy recalls his audition for the part. He was extremely nervous and says he “completely boned” his first scene. Dave was unfamiliar with the verb “boned” used in this sense. It seems to means “bombed” or “blew it” or “failed miserably.” He went back to the conference room and was met with Tony Hale from the show. Tony eased his concerns and suggested he think of something different. He wanted Timothy to take his mind elsewhere. The only thing Timothy could think of was to ask Tony if he saw the Harry Potter. They then talked about the Harry Potter movie, which eased his tension. If I tried to talk about a Harry Potter movie, I would sound like Sally Field trying to explain the Higgs Boson.
Dave is fascinated by this bit of news: Timothy is a former vegetarian. Why and how? He says his sister came home from college as a vegetarian. Timothy felt he should give it a try, feeling it was cool and people come college do it. He remained a vegetarian for 16 years. Says Timothy, “I switched back . . . and it’s fantastic!” He admits he’s since over-corrected. It’s meat all the time. What changed him? Timothy simply says, “I think one day I just saw something and said, ‘I bet that would taste good.’” Get that man a burger!

“Veep” – Sunday nights at 10:30 on HBO. Timothy Simons plays the consummate jerk.

ACT 7:
NEEDTOBREATHE

From their new album, “Rivers In The Wasteland,” the band from South Carolina performed a very enjoyable “The Heart.” Liked this a lot.

And that was our show for Wednesday, April 23, 2014.

Sally Field . . . Gidget? Sister Bertrille? Norma Rae? Sybil? Lilah Krytsick? Which one is she to you?

Dave asking Timothy Simons if his twins are similar or different reminded me of a story of my twins. They each played on a traveling youth basketball team. They were maybe 11 years old at the time. Danielle was a terror on the court. She wouldn’t think twice of stepping over you after knocking you down without a care. As I sat watching a game, I overhear a woman next to me from the other team comment to her friend about how aggressive my daughter was. I quietly agreed, but decided to let her know she was talking about my daughter. I told her I agreed with what she said but I didn’t want her to be embarrassed if she said something more and then later found out I was the father. We laughed a bit and left it at that. Later in the game, Dominique is in the game and accidentally knocks an opponent down on the court. While dribbling, Dominique helps the girl up with her other hand. Up and down the court they go for the next few minutes with Dominique apologizing, smiling, laughing, and joking with the girl she bumped. The woman from the other team next to me leans over to her friend and says, “I’ve been coming to these games for 10 years for my other kids and that is the nicest girl I have ever seen on a basketball court.” I lean over and tap her on the shoulder. I tell her, “That’s my other daughter. They’re twins.” Her eyes bugged out, “They’re twins!?” She couldn’t believe it. She turns to her friend and says in shock, “They are twins!” I then explain, “Same family, same parents, same home life, same everything . . . . if you can explain it, please let me in on it.” She said nothing; just watched the rest of the game wide-eyed with mouth agape.

I was working the yard this past weekend. On the radio comes “Mississippi Queen.” Instead of thinking back to a “Mountain” concert attended years back, I thought of the Late Show and the clip of that guy banging on his tin pan.
There will be a lot of things I’ll miss when the Late Show is gone. The guy banging on his tin pan isn’t one of them.

I watched “Who Shot Liberty Valance” on the TCM the other night. If the West was really like the way they showed it in that movie, whoever was in the glass business must have made a fortune. Windows, bottles, mirrors, glasses, plates . . . .always getting busted. Repairs and replacements must have been non-stop. What a business!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s her birthday! It’s Ramapo Senior High School alum, JoAnne Berman
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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