Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Somerville, and David Gray.
PLUS: Congress at "work"; the Pope at the Beach; Sue Hum Hanging Out; The Nixon Tapes; Classic Films; a Top Ten list; and The Month of the Month.
" . . . . and now, a man who will curate you spice pantry . . . . . . . David Letterman!!"
- "Barack Obama revealed that when he was young, he had a crush on Linda Ronstadt. Chris Christie also had a crush: Mrs. Butterworth."
Congress is about to go on their 5-week vacation. They can hardly wait. Did you see them at the Capitol today on C-SPAN?
We take a look at the proceedings on the floor of the Capitol Building. A beach ball flies in, and our congressmen take delight in tapping it around to each other. Goodness, it looked like a Dodger game!
Ahh, summer. Everybody's getting in the mood of relaxing and having fun in the sun. Even the Pope! We take a look at what Pope Francis is up to.
There he is jogging along the beach . . . in a Speedo. Wow, he really is a new breed Pope.
Out of the clip, we see Sue Hum enter and stand off to the side of Dave, perhaps 10 feet away.
DAVE: "It's costume designer Sue Hum. Sue, what's going on?"
SUE: "I was told to stop coming up to you and bothering you during your jokes."
DAVE: "Right. So . . . what are you doing now?"
SUE: "I'm just staying over here. I'm not bothering you."
DAVE: "Did you actually need to talk about something with me, Sue?"
SUE: "Well . . . . what do you want to talk about?"
DAVE: " . . . . . Sue, maybe you should go backstage."
SUE: (suddenly angry) "Why do you have to make everything so awkward?!" Sue exits.
DAVE: "Why is it always my fault?"
And here I was thinking Sue came out to change Dave's pocket square.
There's a newly released batch of Richard Nixon's White House recordings in which he talks about the mating habits of pandas. And that's not the only odd thing he talks about. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "March 13, 1972: While discussing China's gift of pandas to the United States, Nixon expands that pandas can only learn to mate by watching others engage in the mating process." We see pandas cavorting.
"March 14, 1972: Nixon explains that the same rule applies to Henry Kissinger." We see Kissinger sitting in front of a TV watching a sex video
One of the main characters in the new "Guardians of the Galaxy" movie is a talking raccoon. That's the inspiration for this fun, new segment. We take a look.
ART CARD: CLASSIC FILMS ---- IF THEY STARRED A RACCOON.
We see a scene from "Casablanca."
RICK (Humphrey Bogart) "We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night."
We cut to a new point of view/reverse angle. We see Humphrey Bogart is talking to a raccoon in Ingrid Bergman's hat.
RICK: "Here's looking at you, kid."
ANNOUNCE: "This has been 'Classic Films . . . If They Starred a Raccoon!'"
TOP TEN: TEXT MESSAGES FROM SATAN - A priest in Poland claims that he's been receiving evil text messages from the devil. Some of the messages are: "Shut up, Preacher!", "Idiot!", and You pathetic, old preacher." Sounds like a typical day for Dave. Dave says he has a message from Satan. He holds up his middle finger.
Dave accepts no blame. It's the devil. "He's got me!" confesses Dave.
TEXT MESSAGES FROM SATAN
10. Do you smell something not burning?
9. OMG - just took a selfie with Mickey Rooney. --- Dave defends Mick, saying that there is no reason to believe Mickey Rooney is in hell.
8. My only regret is starting the "Real Housewives" franchise.
7. Geez, Putin, dial it down a notch.
6. Shane! Come back, Shane!
5. I don't want Rob Ford, you take him
4. Posted some new pictures on "Pentagram"
3. "Arranging Weird Al's comeback was exhausting
2. Hold on ---- Dick Cheney's on my other line.
1. Sorry about the L.A. Clippers, Don.
- Winner of 4 Emmy Awards
- Emmy Nominated to Lead and Supporting Comedy Actress 15 times, surpassing Lucille Ball's record of 13.
- Only actress to win Lead or Supporting Actress Comedy Emmy for three different shows: "Seinfeld," "The New Adventures of the Old Christine," and "Veep"
- Won the Emmy for Lead Comedy Actress the past two years, and is nominated again this year.
Dave is a big fan of "Veep" and wonders where he is in his watching. He watches it on his iPad and is up to the part where Julia's character is in New Hampshire and did poorly in the primary. Julia says Dave is up to date. That was the final episode of Season 3. When does Season 4 start? Didn't say, but I'm thinking not for another year, sometime in 2015. That should give me time to watch the first 3 season. Yeah, "Veep" isn't on my viewing lineup, yet, but I hear it's good.
Julia's character got a haircut in this past season that wasn't well received by the voters across America. A male politician can get away with a bad haircut; a woman politician cannot. Silly, but true. A haircut can hurt a woman's chances in an election and/or approval rating. Not so if you're a man, unless you're Bill Clinton and your barber is Christophe on an airplane. (22 year old reference, people!)
Do you remember Julia's Rolling Stone photo? The one where she had the Constitution "tattooed" on her back that was signed by John Hancock. She tells the story of sending a photo to her husband when it was nearly done. He quickly wrote back that John Hancock didn't sign the Constitution, he signed the Declaration of Independence. Oops. It was too late to make the change. My guess is the cover artist was so keen on getting the word "Hancock" (tee hee, tee hee) on the cover and on her naked back that he or she didn't care for the accuracy.
"Veep" - it's on my list. It returns some time in '15. See you there.
DAVE: "Hey, Alan! What time is it?!"
ALAN: "it's time to announce The Month of the Month!"
PAUL AND THE BAND: (jingle) "It's the Month of the Month. The Month of the Month. The Month of the Month."
ALAN: "July's month of the month is . . . . . March! Congratulations, March! You're July's Month of the Month!"
PAUL AND THE BAND: (jingle) "It's the Month of the Month. The Month of the Month. The Month of the Month."
DAVE: "Wow, I didn't understand any of that . . . . "
ALAN: (disgusted) "Oh, I understand all of it. It was stupid! I was embarrassed to be a part of it. It was beneath me. I'm sick of humping lame, so-called comedy for this clown show!"
Alan gets up from his perch, puts on a bicycle helmet, and hops in one of those three-wheeled recumbent tricycles. He rides across the stage in front of Dave.
ALAN: "Later, asshole!
DAVE: "Is that really how he commutes each day?"
I pitched this idea. After Alan exits on his tryke and barks at Dave, "Later, asshole," I suggested that Paul and the band sing a jingle, "See you later, asshole. Dave, see you later, asshole." BUZZ!
ANNOUNCE: "Same time tomorrow for Dave and Emma Stone, Nathan Fielder, and American Authors. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch David Gray Live on Letterman. David Gray's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand.
When we come back, amazing photos of clouds that look like other clouds!"
He'll be performing at the Comedy Stop in Atlantic City this weekend. I enjoyed his staying at a $29-a-night hotel that included a safe in the room. And it's time for a diet when you unbutton your pants and the zipper unzips itself. And when his foot hurts from walking on hardwood floors. DING! That's exactly what happened to me. Months ago . . . maybe in March . . . I had to paint an apartment. I took off my shoes because I didn't want to get paint on my new sneakers. The next day my feet were killing me. I was on a hardwood floor all day painting. And now 4 months later, I still feel it. And when I tell people how I hurt my feet, they all seem to understand. What's next, orthotics?
From his new album, "Mutineers," the great David Gray performed "Back In The World." Take a view of his online concert now streaming on the Late Show website.
And that was our show for Thursday July 31, 2014.
I brought this up early in the day . . . . the Month of the Month. I wondered if it mattered that by the time we aired Alan Kalter and Month of the Month, with March being July's Month of the Month, that it would be August. After an initial, "Ohhhh," it was decided it would be fine. We decided the Month of the Month should be chosen at the end of the month once it is completed, not at the beginning or during. Sort of like electing an MVP. I really didn't care what the answer was, I just wanted an answer ready in case it was bought up seconds before the show. You always want to have a story ready to go.
Vin Scully has re-upped for another year to announce the Dodger games. Most announcers today would admit that he is the best at what he does . . . . so why don't today's announcers try to copy him? Why do they go the clown-route? Why are there more John Sterlings than there are Vin Scullys?
Nixon resigned 40 years ago. Phew, time flies. I was in my early teens at the time and not really interested in the politics or the drama involved. Still, the craziness filtered even into my world.
Two week summer vacation coming up. Somebody said earlier in the day that this may be the last time we have two weeks off in August. I said, "I think we'll have four weeks next August."
Next two weeks previously-viewed programs:
Monday August 4th - from 6/17/14; #4046 - Olivia Wilde, Shep Gordon, and Empires. Plus: from January 1994, Marvin Hamlisch and Peaboy!
Tuesday August 5th - from 7/17/14; #4060 - Colin Firth, Tommy Johnagin, and St. Vincent. Plus: Todd at the baseball All-Star game.
Wednesday August 6th - from 4/02/14; #4009 - Martha Stewart, Lady Gaga, and Bill Murray.
Thursday August 7th - from 7/15/14; #4058 - Jason Segel, Liv Tyler, and Trampled by Turtles
Friday August 8th - from 7/08/14; #4054 - Joan Rivers, Keith Olbermann, and Capitol Cities.
Monday August 11th - from 6/18/14; #4047 - Dana Carvey, Ellie Kemper, and Sam Smith.
Tuesday August 12th - from 7/23/14; #4063 - New Summer Toys; Eric Stonestreet, and Brody Dalle. Plus: Billy Crystal interrupt
Wednesday August 13th - from 3/12/14; #4001 - Sylvester Stallone, Theo James, and Ledisi.
Thursday August 14th - from 7/29/14; #4066 - Chris Pratt, Judy Greer, and Rodrigo y Gabriela
Friday August 15th - from 5/12/14; #4029 - Harry Connick Jr., Jesse Eisenberg, and Black Keyes perform on the fire escape on 53rd Street
Check the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.
And now, something completely new and old. It's THIS DATE IN WAHOO EXTRA HISTORY!
The Wahoo Extra from July 31, 2000.
The Beatle song sung by Bobby Rydell? "A World Without Love".
From Friday's Wahoo Gazette, I wrote how "Big Brother" is a show where everybody sits around doing nothing. I said, "If I want to sit around watching someone doing nothing all day, I'll watch the New York Mets General Manager." On the way home that day, I hear on the radio that the Mets made two trades involving numerous players and improved their team for the pennant run. Oops. Hey, at least it was funny when I wrote it.
Some more baseball: I'm reading Sunday's paper about the St. Louis Cardinal game. Not sure why I was reading it but it mentioned something about pinch runner Rick Ankiel. I was surprised to see Rick Ankiel was used as a pinch runner since Rick Ankiel is one of the most promising young pitchers in the major leagues. Why would Manager Tony LaRussa risk injury to the game's most prized commodity, a young pitcher with an all-star future? What added to my surprise was my somewhat sketchy recollection of a once-promising young pitcher for the same St. Louis Cardinals who tore up his knee while being used as a pinch runner many years back. You would think the Cardinals would learn from their mistakes. Can anybody out there refresh my memory of Scipio Spinks of the early 70's? Am I right about this?
I've been thinking of penning a song similar to Neil Sedaka's (?)"When a girl changes from bobby socks to stockings." It will be about the younger set and called "When a girl changes from Teletubbies to Rugrats."
And now, another edition of...
PEOPLE WITH THE SAME NAME AS SOMEONE FAMOUS:
This concludes another episode of PEOPLE WITH THE SAME NAME AS SOMEONE FAMOUS.
And that was the Wahoo Extra from July 31, 2002.
This concludes tonight's installment of THIS DATE IN WAHOO EXTRA HISTORY
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From somewhere in Illinois, a Harvarder, it's Leviticus Jackson
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee