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Tuesday, October 9, 2012 Dave welcomes Chris Elliott to discuss his blistering autobiography, "The Guy Under the Sheets."
Show #3740
Kevin James, Chris Elliott and Miguel.

PLUS: A Message from the Nobel Committee; Obama Helping Biden Prepare; MSNBC's Debate Remix; and a Glimpse Into the Future.

" . . . . and now, the result of serendipitous events . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "The Yankees lost last night's playoff game against the Baltimore Orioles. They're blaming it on the altitude."
- "My favorite part of each Presidential debate is the heartfelt anecdote about a struggling American who just happens to live in a swing state."
- "Romney's a little out of touch. He told a sad story the other day about Joe the hedge fund manager."
- "You know your campaign is in trouble when you're looking for Joe Biden to turn things around."

The Nobel Prize committee is naming its winners this week so you don't stray too far away from your phone. Dave saw this unusual announcement.
ANNOUNCE: "The Nobel committee prides itself in honoring the world's best in the following categories: physics, chemistry, medicine, literature and peace. This year, we were so impressed by one other body of work, we are offering a special prize to '2 Broke Girls' for this . . . . "
We see a clip from the hit CBS show, "2 Broke Girls."
One of the broke girls: "Are you having a heart attack?"
The other broke girl: "I'm peeing."
DING! We have a winner!
ANNOUNCE: "The Nobel Committee: The Official Prize Committee of the National Football League."

This week the campaigns are priming their vice presidential candidates for their debate. Here's what the Democrats are doing. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: In an effort to do what's best for the Democratic Party, President Obama is helping Vice President prepare for Thursday's debate . . . . by not helping Vice President Biden prepare for Thursday's debate."
Cut to President Obama, in a mustache. "I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message because I believe we're all in this together."

Obama supporters were disappointed by the President's performance at the first debate. Dave saw something that might help Democrats deal with the disappointment. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "Hey, Pinkos! Feeling depressed by Obama's miserable failure at the first presidential debate? Cheer up by watching MSNBC's 'Debate Remix,' where you can see Mitt Romney going head-to-head against video of Barack Obama from his 2008 campaign when he wasn't phoning it in. That's tonight, after Chris Matthews' head explodes. Only on MSNBC."
We see an exasperated Chris Matthews. His head explodes.
Wow! His head exploded! Not since 'Scanners' have I seen anything like it.

ACT 2:
It's not going away. Dave again pleads his case to get Mr. Romney here on the Late Show. It's a standing invitation to the Republican nominee for president. Dave has been called by many as a King Maker. If you want to be king, get in the ring with Dave. Dave says to Mitt, "If you want to go to the White House . . . . and not on the tour . . . you need to come here and shut me up. Prove to everyone I'm a dumb ass punk."

And what if Mitt doesn't show up? Well, Dave had a glimpse into the future of how it would be.
ART CARD: "A GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE"
Over soft music, we see possible headlines from the future drifting across the screen. They include:
- "Obama Narrowly Wins Re-Election"
- "Romney Loss Blamed on Failure to Appear on Letterman"
- "Undecideds Went for Obama, Citing Romney's Letterman Absence"
- "Letterman Called Deciding Factor in Election"
- "Romney: 'I Should Have Visited Dave'"
- "Letterman: 'I Tried to Warn Mitt'"
- "Romney Joins 'Dancing with the Stars'"

It really doesn't have to be like this.

ACT 3:
KEVIN JAMES
You know him from the King of Queens. I know him as a guy who couldn't finish Cortland State! My guess is too much time at the Dark Horse for Kevin.
Kevin is in the new film, "Here Comes The Boom." I think he plays a school teacher who goes into that new-fangled no-holds-barred wrestling/boxing/scratching/biting/beat-the-hell-out-of-each-other sport that is so popular with the kids these days. He's trying to raise money for the school, probably for the music department or something. I'm not sure. Dave exclaims that Kevin looked to be in great shape for the film. Kevin thanks Dave, but the slight V in the torso he had during the movie has turned into an oval. He's gained a lot of weight since the movie was made. He has a lot of excuses for the return of the bulge, blaming peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, and Wendy's new Baconator. He also nearly got into a fight with a waitress because he couldn't find her for his coke refill. His food to drink ratio was becoming unbalanced. Kevin admits to being very particular when it comes to the food to drink ratio.
"Here Comes The Boom" - it opens this Friday. Salma Hayek Pinault is in the movie, and so is Henry Winkler. Oh, my! Henry Winkler is in this wrestling/boxing/steel-cage movie! Henry Winkler starred in one of my favorite movies of all time, "The One and Only." Very few others share my love of this film, and probably for good reason. It really tickled my well-hidden funny bone but I could see where others would not find it as rewarding as me. I saw "The One and Only" as a second feature at a drive-in. I liked it so much better than the main feature, "Heaven Can Wait" with Warren Beatty.

Here's something not covered about "Here Comes The Boom" . . . Kevin went to high school and SUNY Cortland with professional wrestling champion Mick Foley. I wonder if Mick offered any pointers to his alum pal.

ACT 4:
CHRIS ELLIOTT
He's the star of "Eagleheart" and a prolific author. And he's quite the student of politics. What does he think of the upcoming election? Chris thinks the election will be good for the country, it will bring the people together, and it's something that should be done every three or four years. Ahh, it's nice to find someone on the same level of politics as me.
Chris has a new unauthorized autobiography entitled, ""The Guy Under The Sheets." Chris was hoping Kitty Kelly would have written a scathing biography about him but it turns out she really likes Chris. This forced Chris to write his own blistering autobiography, and you know it'll be good and juicy because it is unauthorized! You can see Chris on his renewed "Eagleheart" on the Adult Swim channel. It is oddly entertaining. And he has recently teamed up with his old pal Gerry Mulligan in a new reality show that borrows from the success of Pawn Stars and Combat Pawn and Hardcore Pawn. Chris and Gerry wanted to lighten it up and make a happier pawn shop reality show. They call it "Gay Pawn." We take a look at a clip from the surefire hit. Check it out on the Late Show website. You will find it quite amusing.
Chris Elliott - he always has me smiling and laughing from start to finish.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Salma Hayek Pinault, Nick Offerman, and KISS. Plus, check out KISS Live on Letterman. KISS' exclusive Ed Sullivan Theater concert webcast is live Wednesday at 8 PM Eastern, 5 PM Pacific. Only at cbs.com/lateshow. Ask your uncle if you don't believe me."

ACT 7:
MIGUEL: From his new CD entitled, "Kaleidoscope Dream," accompanied by lots of smile and stuff, Miguel performed "Adorn."

And that was our show for Tuesday October 09, 2012.

It's autumn in New York . . . the leaves are falling . . . . and so is A-Rod's batting average.

Alex Rodriguez's baseball abilities seem to be declining at a rapid pace. Thank goodness for the Yankees he's only signed on for another 5 years.

Hey, I just read this: "The One and Only" is Sarah Silverman's all-time favorite personal movie.

Yesterday when discussing Jack Hanna's animals, I mentioned that if in a fight, an alligator would beat up a crocodile. It reminded me of recurring item I would include in the Wahoo Gazette wondering which of the Late Show guests of the week would win in a Battle Royale. A Battle Royale is a free-for-all professional wrestling match consisting of a dozen or more wrestlers at once. The last one remaining in the ring would be declared the winner. Who would win this week's Late Show Battle Royale if the Late Show held a Battle Royale? This week's guests include Jack Hanna, Max Greenfield, Kevin James, Chris Elliott, Miguel, Salam Hayek Pinault, Nick Offerman, Kiss, Lucy Liu, John Goodman, Jeff Altman, and Jamey Johnson with Allison Krauss. Plus, there is a guest yet to be named for Thursday. I have my opinion, but I will hold it till Friday when I have seen all the guests.

I don't get it. There is a New York radio station on the AM dial, 1010-WINS. For the life of me I don't understand why they don't promote October 10th as their day. It's their day to own! 1010 ---- October 10th. It's such an easy promotion for them. They could easily make it over-the-top silly. But . . . . . . nothing. C'mon, John Montone, isn't there something you can do? And that's another thing, I can't believe we haven't used John "Monotone" Montone on the Late Show for anything. He has a very peculiar style.

Hey! I got some feedback on the 6-man umpiring crew for the last two weeks of the baseball season in preparation for the playoffs. The regular season has a 4-man umpiring crew for every game. For the playoffs, they up it to six. This is fine, but it puts the extra umpires in a position which they are unfamiliar. Let them get used to it during the final two weeks. Jim Cammisa of Alexandria, Virginia writes:
"Here's what else is needed to make your idea work. When the minor league season ends on Labor Day, expand the major league umpire roster too by bringing up the best 8 or 10 and add those in to replace the guys who move to the 6-man crews. I think the only problem is that you'll still have mostly 4-man crews and some will think that's unfair."

Perhaps, but they need to look at it this way: No game will be "punished" or lessened. Some games will be benefitted, though, but that shouldn't be a concern. All teams expect four umpires. All teams will get four umpires. And then some will get two extra. All teams should be satisfied to get at least what they expected. I think there was something in the bible about that.
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Got a bumper sticker idea for the election? Here's two I'm surprised I haven't seen yet. I imagine they are out there somewhere.
- 'O' No! Not Again!
- Mitt: It Rhymes With . . .

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday, October 9th, from Spring Valley, New York, it's Michael Cullen.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, November 22
I'm not a tailor and I didn't play one on TV.
Thursday, November 20
Dave approves a family of actors to attend Thanksgiving in his stead.
Wednesday, November 19
Dave and Regis turn to their friend Peter Lassally for conversation.
Wednesday, November 19
Dally and Spanky take a shortcut during Stupid Pet Tricks.
Monday, November 17
Who's whiter: Dave or Jason Sudeikis?