I've never had my torch snuffed before, and it would be a different case if I went up there and had my torch snuffed for reasons that I could have controlled. Now, tonight, I had no control over what happened. I fought to the bitter end. I was trying to strike a deal with Lex seconds before he voted. I had a feeling I was going, and I went to every person in my tribe today and said, "Listen, do you want to go this way, or this way, think about the future." I tried.
It's not my style to give up, ever, not until the very end, not until my fire was put out. I feel very proud of the way I played, and I feel happy that I played the game my way. I didn't conform to any other ways of playing, I didn't change my style, I didn't change myself. I played the way Ethan plays, and I made it 21 days, halfway, toughest SURVIVOR ever. I made it further that any other winner, and that I'm proud of.
In AFRICA, I didn't receive one vote against me the entire time I was out there. During ALL-STARS, it's a little different. I saw my name a couple of times. Each time you see your name, you feel that little punch in your gut, that little dropped stomach. I've squeaked by the past couple times, but this time, it hurts. It's frustrating. I still want to be out there playing the game. It hurts. I'd do anything to be back out there. I don't want this game to end; I love the game.
The first time I played this game, I was lucky enough to find an alliance. The first time I played this game, I was lucky enough to find some guys I could trust, and I could rely on them. This time around, it was totally opposite. I was alone the entire game, and I had to play a much more proactive, aggressive game, which I can do. I still played it my way: I didn't lie; I didn't cheat. I'm going home with my dignity and self-respect, and that I'm happy about.
What frustrates me is that there are some people still in the game that I feel are not worthy of remaining in this game. They're taking a spot which I feel I deserve. Everyone has their own way of playing the game, and there's no right way. But there is some comfort in knowing that I tried my hardest, I did my best, I fought and fought to the bitter end. There's really nothing I can do. If I had found out, okay, I was going to be getting voted off, and I just sit on it and say, "All right, I'm getting voted off," then I'd have to live with that. But here, you know, I'm proud of myself, my family will be proud, my father will be proud.
It's a good feeling knowing that you went out on top. No one will ever be able to take away the fact that I won SURVIVOR: AFRICA. That's my title, and for me, that's a good feelling. There's a little bit of relief knowing that I came into this game and I'd still leave with the title of SURVIVOR: AFRICA champion. So I do my best, I try my hardest, and if I won, fantastic! If I didn't, I did my best, and I've still got SURVIVOR: AFRICA under my belt. I thought many times, "Leave when you're at the top, don't come back for that last heavyweight battle, leave when you're at the top. Leave when you're at your best. Don't come out of retirement and try to do it again and look silly." That's not in my nature. I'm a competitor through and through, and to be part of this challenge, to be part of this ALL-STARS is an honor.
I obviously did something well enough my first time around where they invited me back. They asked me back to play again, and that's an honor, and I'm not going to turn that down. But the mind games, the torture to your body…it's only 39 days, that's as long as it can possibly last. I can set my mind to that, and that's a piece of cake for me, that's a piece of cake for me. The spark and the thrill and the joy that I get from playing this game that got me up each morning. Competing against the best of the best. I'll never get a chance to do that again, and I would never turn that chance down.
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