I asked myself that so many times a day: "Why, why, why would I want to put myself throught this again?" There were quite a few times when I almost talked myself out of being here. It was a thousand times harder this time around than the first time. I kind of knew going into it that it was going to be tough, but I had no idea that it was going to nearly break my spirit. That was the hardest thing I think I've ever had to face: coming this close to having something break me. But it didn't. It didn't, it didn't, it didn't. I stood up to the challenge, and I pushed myself through some pretty horrendous moments out here, and for that, I'm so proud of myself. I look forward to my family watching this. I know they're going to be mortified, horrified and, in the end, hopefully even more proud of me than they already are.
Why did I do it again? I guess because either I'm a closet sadist, or I just really enjoy taking risks and having adventures and doing things I've never done before and seeing how far I can push myself and finding my own limitations.
I am walking away from this experience feeling like there is nothing that can break me. I know life is going to present a lot of difficult situations for me to deal with, but at least I know I have the strength to get through it. In that, I find a whole new sense of comfort. So I feel really good about the way I came into this, I feel great about the way I played the game, and I feel equally as good about the way I exited.
You know what? I was very surprised at the fact that I even considered, for a brief moment, giving up. I was ready to roll over and play dead at one point. That really surprised me. I didn't think that that sort of idea could even cross my mind. The fact that I didn't let the idea take hold of my present experience makes me feel really good about myself and makes me feel good that I did this again. I walk away a stronger woman than I did coming into it.
|
