Week 7
Jennifer

I guess I should start by saying "hi" to all the Big Brother fans out there because without you, we wouldn't have a show. This week as HOH has been pretty hectic. It started off with one of the hardest and longest HOH competitions yet and I guess I should've figured it would only go downhill from there. I had already been thinking about why America, "our fans," wanted Kaysar back on the show. I thought they wanted him back for the same reason I respected him so much and that was for causing so much drama in the house instead of going with the flow and taking the easy route while he was HOH. If things had gone according to plan since week one, I'd be gone by now. And isn't the point of this how to win? I figured that I'd be the one to give America what they wanted instead and press "the restart button." I thought it wouldn't be pleasant but never in a million years did I imagine what was to come.

This has probably been one of the worst weeks we've had so far in this house with all the arguments and dead silence that have been going on. I can't even enjoy what little happiness there is to being HOH. My group and I have to bring our personal items upstairs in case someone from the other group damages any of it. I can't talk to Howie because April will get mad. My group is still suspicious of Ivette talking to James and him being in the HOH room with us. Even using the digital camera today isn't fun because the other group wants no part of it and wants to make our time miserable as much as they can. (Beau and I tried our best to make light out of the arguments that have happened this week through pictures.) ...I'm just trying to keep peace between as many people as possible in the house and even though I'm hated by most of the "other group," I'm still civil with them in the house just so that our time here isn't completely horrible.

Now that doesn't mean that I agree with things that have been done by me or other houseguests. And I certainly would never act or react in ways that have been shown in this house by any of the houseguests. To me, nothing should be taken too personally once the show is over. Plus, as nice as it would be for the nice guy to finish last, playing this game with clean and with a good heart won't get you to the end. Fighting fire with fire doesn't make it right either and I know that. This house makes you act, say and do crazy things. If sometimes you're confused watching us, it's probably because we're just as confused as you. Sometimes you think you're going to do something one way and your plan changes at the last second. Sometimes you say what's on your mind and sometimes it's the complete opposite. A lot of the time, it IS tempting to go with someone else's plan and sometimes you just say you will to hear what the other person's thinking. And to tell you the honest truth, sometimes you say you meant to do something to seem smart and strategic when you really have no clue. I know that April is completely destroyed by Howie through his actions and comments. I'm still speechless on Howie's behavior but do not want to approach him about it in order not to ruffle any more feathers. I just wish this whole thing was over and April could go home to her family and be happy again. I just thought by winning the HOH competition, I could bring my group together one last time in the room upstairs and relive one of the best times we've all had back when Maggie was HOH before we start getting evicted out. I guess I was wrong.

I like to look on the bright side of things and there's only one thing I can think of and that was walking into my HOH room. Something great about this show and being a houseguest in here is that luxuries are taken away from you. And not typical luxuries, but things you take for granted. I never realized how some of the things I take for granted in my life are the best things about it and are indeed luxuries. Leaving this house will make us all appreciate the smaller things in life and most importantly the people we surround ourselves with. I know that if it wasn't for my family and Daniel, I wouldn't be able to be as strong in here as I have been. And being able to look at Dan's face everyday is the best motivation and strength I can have. Nothing that happens in this house is as important as being able to see my niece's little face for the first time one day soon. This house will never be fully understood by any one else but previous houseguests who lived it like we have. I used to be one of those people watching the show and laughing at the people on reality shows for building relationships with strangers so quickly and crying about what seem like small things. I realize now what it's all about.