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BITE OF THE BIG APPLE "No violins. No roses, and most of all, no mercy," quipped Simon Cowell. He reintroduced Lisa Shannon, the beautiful object of CUPID's desires, along with Laura and Kimberly, the two friends whose sole duty it is to help Lisa sort out the winners from the losers among all the men vying for her affection. Simon noted that lots of losers were weeded out the previous week, from Michael, the persistent, Hair Club-attending postman, to Jose, the Ricky Martin wannabe who promised Lisa he would be her "Spanish lover." But there were also seven lucky survivors from week one who, by successfully navigating their way through the tricky and often painful Laura-and-Kimberly obstacle course, secured for themselves the opportunity to date Lisa when the show returns to Los Angeles. With the Big Apple--New York City--bustling behind him, host Brian McFayden reminded viewers that they will have a large hand in Lisa's fate. It will be America's job to play Cupid and help Lisa sort through the final 10 bachelors, "one by one, week by week, until we are left with who you believe to be her perfect match." And there is more than just love at stake. After all, Lisa Shannon comes with a $1 million dowry only if she and the last man standing get married and stay married for at least one year. The search on week two began on the sidewalks of New York with Brian showing Lisa's picture to an assortment of typically passionate New Yorkers. It was clear that CUPID was about to get the New York treatment. As one elderly man said emphatically, in an accent so thick it required subtitles, "Love and affection come above everything. Money is garbage!" ROCKY START As Brian roamed amongst the growing line of men waiting for their chance to meet and win over Lisa, he seemed skeptical that many of them were prepared to make it past the critical eyes of Laura and Kimberly. First man out of the gate, Christopher, showed no fear, proclaiming proudly to Brian backstage that he "would take no for nothing." But then he entered the lion's den, where Laura and Kimberly greeted him with "no's" almost before he had a chance to say hello. Despite the fact that Lisa thought he was funny, Laura and Kimberly remained firm in their negative assessment and, just like that, Christopher was history. When Christopher was gone, Lisa admitted she'd been wrong about liking him, telling her two friends, "That's why I have you here." Steve came next, introducing himself with what can only be described as a spirited attempt at break dancing, before telling Lisa he hoped to "bask in your copywriting prowess." His wink at Laura didn't seem to help his chances. By the time he expressed the hope that he and the girls could "really get it on," Laura was already out of her seat and ready to show him the door. ( Break dancin' Steve  )
A WALK ON THE WEIRD SIDE Then came Zach, an unemployed 32-year-old who gave, in Simon's words, "one of the weirdest auditions I've ever seen in my life." As the girls watched with expressions ranging from shock to fascination, Zach stripped down to a muscle tee shirt and proceeded to do his impersonation of Cupid. His act entailed ducking behind a chair, then darting out into the open and pretending to shoot the girls with his bow and arrow. Laura's immediate response said it all: "Definitely original." Zach explained that he chose that odd form of introduction "because people think I look like a cherub." The girls were quickly charmed by his eccentricity, summed up by Lisa's assessment: "I think he's nutty as hell, and I like it." With that, Zach found himself welcomed to CUPID. But Zach proved to be a rarity, as he was followed by a succession of weirdos, from a man claiming to be a superhero to a straw-hatted man in overalls who introduced Lisa to his imaginary friend, all of whom were quickly dismissed by Lisa and her two friends. And yet, the girls seemed to have room in their hearts for one more unconventional New Yorker. When Paul first walked through the curtain in a pink suit, trying gamely to lay down a funky rap ("I have to admit I feel pretty stupid, although I look F-L-Y, I'm auditioning for CUPID"), it seemed from the initial looks that greeted his appearance that he'd be gone faster than you could say American Idol. But lo and behold, Paul slowly won over Lisa and Laura with his dance moves and personality. Sure enough, they voted him in. Kimberly, however, remained unimpressed and vowed to keep a close eye on Paul in the next round. A BUSTLER AND A HUSTLER Next, Brian introduced Greg, an unemployed stand-up comic who, within moments of meeting the girls, was referring to them as "Bitch. Trophy. Bitch." Thoroughly unimpressed, the three quickly showed Greg the door, after which he claimed, "I feel like I just got parole, walking out of there." The next few men didn't fare much better, with Simon summing up the reasons they weren't getting through: "You're ugly, you're fat, and by the way, you haven't got a personality." Next through the door was Renda, a poet and self-professed street hustler who introduced himself with a poem that ended, "It's all a game, until you've got the ball and chain." Lisa thought he was "adorable," but hesitated to give him her seal of approval. Laura and Kimberly were in agreement, though: Renda deserved a second chance. It didn't matter what Lisa thought; Renda was in. But Laura told him he had a lot of work to do if he hoped to make it past the next round. ( Renda the Poet )
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